CONFLICT MANAGEMENT

1. CONFLICT MANAGEMENT BY T.M.JAYASEKERA,B Sc.Eng.MBA, C. Eng.,FIE,FIM,FCIWEM (Lond.) Management Consultant

2. TWO REAL LIFE SITUATIONS • 1.RAVI AND HEMACHANDRA. • Ravi and Hema work together in an organization • on an assignment • Ravi finds co-operation impossible from Hema • Every time Ravi tries to get Hema to do his share of • work, he finds some new excuse • Ravi takes work home and spends extra hours doing • what Hema is supposed to do in order to complete the • assignment. • Ravi is fed up • Last weekend, Ravi decided to call it quits. • He had decided, he doesn’t need to take this grief • any more CONFLICT MANAGEMENT WORKSHOP

3. TWO REAL LIFE SITUATIONS • 2.ATHULA AND RAMANI LIVE TOGETHER • Ramani tries to remember how she admired Athula • before they got married • Those qualities seem to have vanished • His and her friends say he is charming • Its hard to know what the real problem is • They argue about - money • parenting roles • even about TV shows to watch • Arguments are endless • Lately, they have been avoiding each other trying not to • spark out a fight • She is discouraged. This is not what she wanted from • marriage CONFLICT MANAGEMENT WORKSHOP

4. CONFLICT MANAGEMENT WORKSHOP These are not soap opera scenarios. They are only two of the millions of real life dramas played out daily The world is teeming with interpersonal tragedies like these.

5. CONFLICT MANAGEMENT WORKSHOP • WORK PLACE CONFLICT LEADS TO - • STAGNATED CAREERS • JOB STRESS • LOWERED PRODUCTIVITY • LESSENED MOTIVATION • TERMINATIONS & RESIGNATIONS • EMOTIONAL AELIENATION IN FAMILIES LEADS TO - • UNREWARDING MARRIAGES • TROUBLED CHILDREN • DISTANT RELATIONSHIPS • DIVORCE • ABANDONMENT, AND • VIOLENCE

6. ARE WE SEEKING OR LEAVING • RELATIONSHIPS? • IN U.S.A. ALONE, • OVER 3 MILLION JOB TERMINATIONS EACHYEAR • OVER 1 MILLION VOLUNTARY RESIGNATIONS EACH YEAR • OVER 1 MILLION COUPLES DIVORCE EACH YEAR • WHAT REALLY HAD HAPPENED • HAS ALL THE LOVE DISAPPEARED? • HOW MANY PRODUCTIVE BONDS BETWEEN • EMPLOYER AND EMPLOYEE ARE BROKEN? CONFLICT MANAGEMENT WORKSHOP

7. CHRONIC AND UNRESOLVED INTERPERSONAL CONFLICTS CAUSE NEEDLESS EMOTIONAL PAIN AND WASTEFULLY DRAINS INDIVIDUAL VITALITY AND ORGANISATIONAL RESOURCES CONFLICT MANAGEMENT WORKSHOP

8. CONFLICT MANAGEMENT WORKSHOP • CAN TRAGEDY BE AVERTED? • OFCOURSE YES! • HOW? • MANAGE DIFFERENCES AND RESOLVE CONFLICTS BY- • TRANSFORMING CONFLICT INTO CO-OPERATION • MISTRUST INTO TRUST • REGAIN TRUST AND INTIMACY AND RESUME • TEAMWORK • AELIENATION INTO MEANINGFUL HUMAN CONTACT • HARNESS THE NATURAL FORCES LYING DORMANT • WITHIN RELATIONSHIPS THAT CAN HEAL WOUNDS • CAUSED BY ANGER, INSULT AND HURT

9. CONFLICT MANAGEMENT WORKSHOP IN EVERY RELATIONSHIP THE DIFFERENCES THAT MAKE US UNIQUE INDIVIDUALS ARE ALSO SOURCES OF POTENTIAL CONFLICT BETWEEN US

10. CONFLICT MANAGEMENT WORKSHOP • WHY RELATIONSHIPS ARE IMPORTANT TO US ? • BECAUSE THEY SATISFY NEEDS • BECAUSE THEY BRING VALUE TO EACH PARTNER • OUR RELATIONSHIPS WITH OUR BOSSES HOLD • POTENTIAL FOR SATISFYING OUR NEEDS SO AS TO • TO FEEL PRODUCTIVE • TO ACCOMPLISH MEANINGFUL WORK • TO PRODUCE THINGS • TO EARN OUR PAY CHEQUES

11. CONFLICT MANAGEMENT WORKSHOP • MARRIAGES AND OTHER INTIMATE • RELATIONSHIPS • CAN SATISFY YOUR NEEDS • FOR EMOTIONAL AND PHYSICAL CONTACT • FOR SECURITY • FOR FULFILMENT OF OUR IDENTITIES • AS MEN AND WOMEN • WHEN OUR NEEDS ARE MET • WE ARE HAPPY AND SATISFIED • IF NOT ………..

12. CONFLICT MANAGEMENT WORKSHOP • CONFLICT DRAINS CAPACITY OF • RELATIONSHIPS • TO SATISFY OUR NEED • WHEN WE EXPERIENCE TOO MUCH UNRESOLVED • CONFLICT, THEN THE RELATIONSHIP • LOSES ITS ABILITY TO SATISFY US • THEN WE FEEL THAT • WE ARE LEFT ALONE • WE ARE ISOLATED • WE ARE UNABLE TO DO OURSELVES • WHAT REQUIRES TWO TO DO

13. CONFLICT MANAGEMENT WORKSHOP • HIGH INTERDEPENDENCY CREATES CLIMATE • IN WHICH CONFLICT CAN GROW • “NO ONE IS AN ISLAND” • HUMAN NATURE AND HUMAN CONDITION • REQUIRES US TO DEPEND ON OTHERS • IN SATISFYING OUR INDIVIDUAL NEEDS

14. CONFLICT MANAGEMENT WORKSHOP THEREFORE, MANAGE THE DIFFERENCES THAT BREED THE CONFLICTS AND TRAGEDIES DO NOT WORRY YOU MAY BE THE BEST, BUT STILL, THERE IS POTENTIAL FOR US TO BE MORE HAPPY AND PRODUCTIVE

15. CONFLICT MANAGEMENT WORKSHOP • WHAT THE CONSULTANTS NORMALLY SUGGEST ? • ALTER OUR • PERCEPTIONS • THOUGHTS • BELIEFS • MOTIVES • INTENTIONS • ATTITUDES OR • VALUES

16. CONFLICT MANAGEMENT WORKSHOP WHAT THE CONSULTANTS NORMALLY SUGGEST ?(CONTD.) ONCE THESE CHANGES (ALTERATIONS)ARE DONE, THEN THE PROBLEM WILL BE SOLVED SO THEY SUGGEST SELF-CONTROL IT CAN BE DONE - BUT NOT SIMPLE PATTERNS OFTHINKING AND FEELING CAN BE CHANGED BY PSYCHOTHERAPY AND MORE INTENSIVE PATHS TO PERSONAL GROWTH

17. CONFLICT MANAGEMENT WORKSHOP SELF CONTROL IS A MENTAL EVENT THAT IS INVISIBLE THEY OCCUR PRIVATELY WITHIN OUR HEADS MENTAL EVENTS ARE DIFFICULT TO CHANGE, CONTROL OR MANIPULATE AS UNCOMFORTABLE FEELINGS UNWANTED THOUGHTS DISTURBING PERCEPTIONS AND SELF DESTRUCTIVE MOTIVES CAN INTRUDE DESPITE OUR EFFORTS OF SELF-CONTROL OUR WILLPOWER IS SELDOM ADEQUATE TO FEND OFF CHALLENGE OF STRONG, PERSISTANT THOUGHTS AND BELIEFS

18. CONFLICT MANAGEMENT WORKSHOP WHAT THE EXPERTS PROPOSE BEHAVIOUR IS EASIER TO CONTROL THAN MENTAL ACTIVITIES BEHAVIOURAL EVENTS ARE OBSERVABLE AND CAN BE CONTROLLED BY BEHAVIOUR BEHAVIOUR CAN BE DESCRIBED IN CONCRETE TERMS AS AN ADULT YOUR MENTAL EVENTS ARE LARGELY FIXED THROUGH DECADES OF LIFE EXPERIENCE

19. CONFLICT MANAGEMENT WORKSHOP • OF COURSE, THERE IS A LINE BETWEEN • BEHAVIOUR AND ATTITUDE • WHAT THE BEHAVIOURISTS • RECOMMEND IS • IMPROVED COMMUNICATION RESULTING • IN INTERPERSONAL HARMONY • THAT WILL RESULT IN • INCREASED TRUST • BETTER TEAMWORK AND • REDUCED CONFLICT

20. CONFLICT MANAGEMENT WORKSHOP WHAT WE NEED IS A SIMPLE AND PRACTICAL WAY FOR EVERY DAY PEACE AND NOTHING ELSE

21. CONFLICT MANAGEMENT WORKSHOP WHAT WE DO NOT NEED IS A THEORETICAL DOSE ABOUT CONFLICTS AND ITS WORKING METHODS THAT ARE NOT PROVEN METHODS THAT CANNOT BE PRACTISED EFFECTIVELY SO! ENJOY YOURSELF

22. The 1971 Supreme court decision and the American government’s BUSING PROGRAMME to achieve racial integration indicates a link between behaviour and attitude

23. ASSESS THE COST OF CONFLICT IN YOUR ORGANIZATION • Wasted management time-25-30%of Management time • Reduced decision Quality-quality of Information • Restructuring • Sabotage • Lowered Job Motivation • Lost work time • Health Costs

24. Why do we self destruct • Wrong Reflexes • a.The way we were • The best way to avoid danger was to escape- FLIGHT • b.If escape were blocked the best way to protect ourselves from a threat was to meet force with force- FIGHT

25. Times have changed • Modern forms have evolved • 2. Wrong Reflexes • a.Non communication – FLIGHT • The effort to withdraw from the relationship • b.Power Play – An effort to defeat the other- FIGHT

26. Wrong Illusions • Win Lose Illusion • Bad person Illusion • Boulder on the road illusion

27. Three levels of conflicts • Blips • Clashes • Crisis

28. The four step Method • Find a time to talk • Plan the context • Talk it out • Make a deal

29. The Cardinal Rules • Do not withdraw from communication • Do not use power plays

30. CONFLICT MANAGEMENT WORKSHOP • SOURCES OF POTENTIAL CONFLICT • THEY ARE NOTHING BUT THE DIFFERENCES THAT MAKE • US UNIQUE • THEY ARE - • VALUES • SELF INTERESTS • PRIORITIES • GOALS • PERCEPTIONS • THOUGHTS • BELIEFS • GREATER THE DIFFERENCES, HEAVIER THE BURDEN ON OUR ABILITY TO • MANAGE DIFFERENCES • LESS EFFECTIVELY WE MANAGE DIFFERENCES, MORE CONFLICT WE • EXPERIENCE IN THE RELATIONSHIP

31. -END-THANK YOU VERY MUCH