Domestic Violence

1. Domestic Violence • 85-95% of all domestic violence victims are female.  •   Over 500,00 women are stalked by an intimate partner each year. • 5.3 million women are abused each year. • 1,232 women are killed each year by an intimate partner. • Domestic violence is the leading cause of injury to women. • DATA SOURCE: AMERICAN INSTUITE OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE

2. FEDERAL • U.S. Department of Justice, Office on Violence Against Women (OVW)! Cindy DyerDirector, Office on Violence Against Women

3. LOCAL • SAFE PLACE • SAHELI

4. SAFE PLACE, AUSTIN TX • 24-Hour Hotline • 267-SAFE(7233) or 927-9616 TTY for the Deaf community • * Please call the hotline if you are seeking help. Do not send an email. Computer and email can be monitored and tracked.

5. SAHELI • SAHELI is a nonprofit organization based in Austin, Texas, that provides assistance to Asian families dealing with domestic violence and abuse. • 11 languages

6. SAHELI • Support • Advocate • Heal • Empower • Listen • Inform

7. SAHELI • 1992 • AUSTIN 1,000,000 POP. • AUSTIN ASIAN 50,000 POP. • ALMOST 5% OF AUSTIN ‘S TOTAL POPULATION

8. SIGNS • Does your partner: • have a bad and unpredictable temper? • hurt you, or threaten to hurt or kill you?  • threaten to take your children away or harm them? • threaten to commit suicide if you leave? • force you to have sex? • destroy your belongings? • Does your partner: • act excessively jealous and possessive? • control where you go or what you do? • keep you from seeing your friends or family? • limit your access to money, the phone, or the car? • constantly check up on you?

9. SIGNS • Do you: • feel afraid of your partner much of the time? • avoid certain topics out of fear of angering your partner? • feel that you can’t do anything right for your partner? • believe that you deserve to be hurt or mistreated? • wonder if you’re the one who is crazy? • feel emotionally numb or helpless?  • Does your partner: • humiliate, criticize, or yell at you? • treat you so badly that you’re embarrassed for your friends or family to see? • ignore or put down your opinions or accomplishments? • blame you for his own abusive behavior? • see you as property or a sex object, rather than as a person?

10. CYCLE OF VIOLENCE • Abuse — The abuser lashes out with aggressive or violent behavior. The abuse is a power play designed to show the victim "who is boss." • Guilt — After the abusive episode, the abuser feels guilt, but not over what he's done to the victim. The guilt is over the possibility of being caught and facing consequences. • Rationalization or excuses — The abuser rationalizes what he's done. He may come up with a string of excuses or blame the victim for his own abusive behavior—anything to shift responsibility from himself. • "Normal" behavior — The abuser does everything he can to regain control and keep the victim in the relationship. He may act as if nothing has happened, or he may turn on the charm. This peaceful honeymoon phase may give the victim hope that the abuser has really changed this time. • Fantasy and planning — The abuser begins to fantasize about abusing his victim again, spending a lot of time thinking about what she's done wrong and how he'll make her pay. Then he makes a plan for turning the fantasy of abuse into reality. • Set-up — The abuser sets up the victim and puts his plan in motion, creating a situation where he can justify abusing her.

11. You have help • Safe Place 512-267-7233 • Williamson County Crisis Center 1-800-460-7233 • Political Asylum Project of Austin 512-478-0546 • Caritas of Austin 512-472-4135 • Travis County Attorney’s Office 512-854-9415 • Texas Rio Grand Legal Aid 512-447-7707 • UT Austin Counseling & MH Center 512-471-2255 • Waterloo Counseling Center 512-444-9922

12. SAFETY PLAN FOR CHILDREN • Protecting Your Children From Domestic Violence and Abuse • Teach them not to get in the middle of a fight, even if they want to help. • Teach them how to get to safety, to call 911, to give your address and phone number to the police. • Teach them who to call for help. • Tell them to stay out of the kitchen. • Give school officials a copy of your court order; tell them not to release your children to anyone without talking to you first; use a password so they can be sure it is you on the phone; give them a photo of the abuser. • Make sure the children know who to tell at school if they see the abuser. • Make sure that the school knows not to give your address or phone number to anyone. • Source: American Bar Association

13. SAFTEY PLAN FOR YOU • Domestic Violence Escape Kit • Pack a survival kit. • Money for cab fare • A change of clothes • Extra house and car keys • Birth certificates • Driver’s license or passport • Medications and copies of prescriptions • Insurance information • Checkbook • Credit cards • Legal documents such as separation agreements and protection orders • Address books • Valuable jewelry • Papers that show jointly owned assets • Conceal it in the home or leave it with a trusted neighbor, friend, or relative. Important papers can also be left in a bank deposit box. • Source: U.S. Department of Agriculture, Domestic Violence Awareness Handbook

14. YOU HAVE LEGAL RIGHT • Get help from police or court • Talk to police without your spouse present • Keep the children with you after separation from spouse • Obtain protection order • Request for legal counseling at anytime without spouse approval

15. Dominance — Abusive individuals need to feel in charge of the relationship. They will make decisions for you and the family, tell you what to do, and expect you to obey without question. Your abuser may treat you like a servant, child, or even as his possession. • Humiliation — An abuser will do everything he can to make you feel bad about yourself, or defective in some way. After all, if you believe you're worthless and that no one else will want you, you're less likely to leave. Insults, name-calling, shaming, and public put-downs are all weapons of abuse designed to erode your self-esteem and make you feel powerless. • Isolation — In order to increase your dependence on him, an abusive partner will cut you off from the outside world. He may keep you from seeing family or friends, or even prevent you from going to work or school. You may have to ask permission to do anything, go anywhere, or see anyone. Source: Domestic Abuse Intervention Project, MN • Threats — Abusers commonly use threats to keep their victims from leaving or to scare them into dropping charges. Your abuser may threaten to hurt or kill you, your children, other family members, or even pets. He may also threaten to commit suicide, file false charges against you, or report you to child services. • Intimidation — Your abuser may use a variety of intimation tactics designed to scare you into submission. Such tactics include making threatening looks or gestures, smashing things in front of you, destroying property, hurting your pets, or putting weapons on display. The clear message is that if you don't obey, there will be violent consequences. • Denial and blame — Abusers are very good at making excuses for the inexcusable. They will blame their abusive and violent behavior on a bad childhood, a bad day, and even on the victims of their abuse. Your abuser may minimize the abuse or deny that it occurred. He will commonly shift the responsibility onto you: Somehow, his violence and abuse is your fault.

17. A man abuses his partner. After he hits her, he experiences self-directed guilt. He says, "I'm sorry for hurting you." What he does not say is, "Because I might get caught." He then rationalizes his behavior by saying that his partner is having an affair with someone. He tells her "If you weren't such a worthless whore I wouldn't have to hit you." He then acts contrite, reassuring her that he will not hurt her again. He then fantasizes and reflects on past abuse and how he will hurt her again. He plans on telling her to go to the store to get some groceries. What he withholds from her is that she has a certain amount of time to do the shopping. When she is held up in traffic and is a few minutes late, he feels completely justified in assaulting her because "you're having an affair with the store clerk." He has just set her up. • Source: Mid-Valley Women's Crisis Service