Breaking up is hard to do

1. Breaking up is hard to do

2. How do relationships end?

3. Should I stay or should I go? Starter activity - in pairs list as many reasons as you can think of for why you think relationships breakdown Top tip – include what you already know about relationship formation and maintenance 3 minutes

4. Reasons for relationship breakdown Duck (1992) Marriages in which partners were very young Early parenthood Being in a lower socio-economic group Poor education Partners are of different race / religion A greater number of sexual partners before marriage. Jealousy People have a change of attitudes / beliefs Relationship becomes routine and boring – lack of stimulation Lack of sexual satisfaction Lack of social skills – poor at conversation, so partner may seem uninterested. Extra marital affairs – may be a direct reaction to the other reasons discussed.

5. came up with a phase model of relationship dissolution (1982) Later, Rollie and Duck (2006) added to this and created a 5th stage model Duck also considered WHY people break up Duck suggested the 3 main reasons why relationships break down • Pre-existing doom (incompatible from the start) • Mechanical failure (people just grow apart) • Sudden death (cheating! Massive argument!)

6. There were other reasons too • Predisposing personal factors …bad habits • Boredom – lack of stimulation • Lack of skills…..social....sexual • Precipitating factors ….love rivals, working hours etc. • Lack of motivation…..…perceiving inequity • Lack of maintenance……..too much time apart. Difficult to maintain the relationship (distance)

7. Duck (1982) – Risk Factors

8. What would social exchange theory suggest as an explanation for relationship breakdown? • It would predict that dissolution is the result of an imbalance in rewards and costs. • It could also be the existence of a better alternative • How would equity theory explain relationship breakdown? • How would the Investment Theory explain it?

9. Duck’s phase model (1982) Intrapsychic Phase Dyadic Phase Social Phase

10. Grave Dressing Phase

11. Breaking up Is often based on lying to yourself and others as to the real reasons for the break up Break ups involve many individual psychological processes as well as cultural rules and the need for self-preservation The story told needs to put you in a favourable light and make it clear that you are available to others

13. 3 I mean it Thresholds 1 I can’t stand this any more 4 It’s now inevitable Who would blame me for leaving? 2 Who would blame me for leaving?

14. Evaluation • A strength of the phase model is that it has useful application it indicates the possibility for repair strategies -this could be useful if marriage guidance is sought. • There is supporting evidence for the intrapsychic stage Hatfield (1984) suggested that when a person feels dissatisfied with the relationship they often feel resentful and under benefited , this can lead to social withdrawal and supports the existence of the intrapsychic stage

15. Tashiro and Frazier (2003) provide supporting evidence for the usefulness of the grave dressing stage of dissolution. • They found that the students they surveyed felt they had benefited from breaking up with their partners with personal growth and clearer ideas about future partners. • Women report more post-relationship growth than men do. Can you think of any possible explanations?

16. Akert 1998 • Those who didn’t initiate the break-up tended to be miserable, lonely, depressed, unhappy and angry. • Those who initiated the break-up found the end of the relationship the least upsetting. They felt guilty and unhappy, but had fewer negative symptoms. Did someone pay to have this research done?

17. Duck’s phase theory is limited because … • The Phase theory is merely descriptive, it is limited as it does not explain WHY breakdown occurs. • This theory does not take into account the possibility of gender differences What sort of bias does this theory demonstrate?

18. Other evaluation points • The theory has face validity – it fits most peoples experiences of breaking up • The view of breaking up as a process rather than an event also fits peoples experiences • Rollie and Duck added the resurrection stage (2006) to improve the model –they also said that communication at each stage could reverse the process • It doesn’t provide a complete picture of break up as it starts at the point of dissatisfaction therefore as a theory it is limited • The phases may not be universal or follow the same order for everyone • Rollie and Duck added the resurrection stage (2006) to improve the model –they also said that communication at each stage could reverse the process

19. Other possible explanations • Flemlee’s ‘fatal attraction hypothesis’ • The very thing you loved the most is the thing you come to hate • There may well also be a difference in breakups between collectivist and individualist cultures. Especially as in some cultures marriages are arranged by the families.

20. A question for you to discuss How could you apply evolutionary theory to relationship breakdown? What are the evolutionary benefits?

21. Examples from round the world • In the hunter-gatherer culture in Botswana, the average tribe member experiences lots of romantic relationships before settling down with a long term partner. • In a tribe in Paraguay, a typical adult has had 12 marriages before the age of 40

22. 2 basic assumptions • Sex differences between what males and females look for in a mate • These are determined by the levels of investment in the child-rearing process.

23. Costs related to emotional investment • Women prefer mates with resources. • Willingness to share resources can be gauged by the man’s level of emotional commitment. • Because these resources and commitment are more important to women, they have higher costs from losing the emotional investment of their partner.

24. Infidelity • Males have an evolved desire for sexual variety (Buss & Schmitt 1993) • Infidelity serves this desire. • Or it can be used as a tactic to end the relationship quickly – and have a replacement all lined up! • Therefore males are more likely to engage in infidelity.