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Sustainability By Monsieur Chynoweth
One upon a time there was a muffin named Fredward. He was a muffin. He also happened to be a British muffin. Which as we all know is the best kind of muffin. Now if you read the rest of this story in a British accent you will live your life much happier. This story also happens to be about Sustainability. Why sustainability? You might ask. Well the answer is very simple: sustainability happens to be an assignment I have received that allows me to present it in the form of a children's story. So if you’re not a child, don’t bloody read this! This document is made for a child’s eyes only. You are the next generation and therefore it falls upon you to save the world with this information. So sit back, eat your cookie, drink your milk, and get ready for the vocal avalanche!
One fine day, in the middle of the night, Fredward was prancing through the flowerless clover patch at a leisurely walk, when suddenly he heard a scream to his right! It was his friend Alejandro the cabbage! Alejandro looked pale for a cabbage and was screaming something about “sustainability” “What is the matter my courageous cantering cabbage?” He asked as the cabbage came rolling past, still screaming at the top of his tiny cabbage lungs “Can you not see how nice a day it is? Has the farmer finally harvested your aunt Lysa? Did another corn stalk fall?”
“No, no, no!” Cried the courageous cabbage “Something far, far, far, worse has happened! My family and friends are dying out! Oh it is terrible, terrible, terrible. It is indeed! Why we have done nothing wrong, yet humanity scorns and shuns us merely because we are less tasty then that horrid chocolate! Do they not know that we the plants are more sustainable?” “Sustainable?” Laughed the muffin “hahaha don’t you know this is a children’s book? Giant words like sustainability don’t belong in a children’s book” “I swear sustainability belongs everywhere!” Swore the cantering cabbage “everything humanity needs to survive or live well is based in some way on their environment and that is the very principal of sustainability. If human’s are not more sustainable and ‘green’ as we will now call it for our younger readers, they will run out of water, food, materials, and other resources that rely on nature.”
“HazaaSirrah! There is hope yet!” Cried a voice from above and Lenny the talking pomegranate from Wales came swinging in on his elastic vine of twine. He did a quadripple back flip and landed expertly before the two friends “Foolish Cabbage!” He scoffed “The humans have not forsaken us!” “What do you mean?” asked the bewildered muffin “Have they not been eating less and less organic foods? Have they not been pumping chemicals into us that destroy our nutrients? Have they not been gorging on this junk food army ruled by a clown named Ronald?” “Yes they have done all that and more and worse! Yet there are some, few, but some who still hold dear the olden days when human and nature lived in harmony. There are organizations, such as the EPA, fighting to stop pollution and make others more aware of the crisis of sustainability!”
“Well that sounds truly lovely of them!” Pronounced Fredward “Oh joy!” “NO!” Screamed Chin the falling stalk of corn “It’s not enough everybody must participate in making the world sustainable!” With that he smashed on the ground in front of them. Lenny then proceeded to feast on his remains announcing “Oh most happy day! He tastes of popcorn!” Ignoring this, Alejandro turned back to Fredward “What in the name of vegetables was the author of this classy novel thinking when he killed off a vital character? Chin was right though it’s not enough for some people to help out, everybody can make a difference. There are so many ways we can help out our environment! We could be more sustainable if we simply planted more of my kind and I don’t mean just cabbages (though there is certainly no surplus of available cabbage women), but fruits and vegetables in general.”
“That sounds great!” Exclaimed Lenny, finally finishing off Chin “But you’ve forgotten something old chap.” “And what’s that?” Challenged the cabbage “Prey tell.” “What can people do at home?” Inquired the pomegranate from Wales “It’s all well and good for farmers and gardeners to plant more sustainable plants, but what about the normal people?” “Hohoho!” Laughed a deep voice from behind them “The answer to that is very simple my boy!” “Grandpa Melon!” Shouted the three gleeful foods. “Hello yee young wippersnappers.” Greeted the massive melon “ So, you want to learn more about sustainability, huh?” The three younglings nodded “Well I’m afraid I can’t help you there, goodnight.” With that he fell asleep and Lenny nodded understandingly “He brought up some excellent points, if we saved more energy and were more efficient with our power we could make a more green environment.”
“OH! And if we recycled and didn’t litter and all that good stuff.” Recalled Fredward from a class in world economics “Oh this is a joyous day, just think of the good we could do if the three of us went about telling people of the good going green can do for this world.” “Ohoho pardons.” Laughed Lenny “But were you asking me to do work? Ohoho no! I couldn’t possibly do that, good day.” In a moment Fredward was watching him swing away. When he looked down, he found Alejandro had rolled off as well. It was up to him then, he alone would have to brave the perils ahead and save the world, with sustainability. So began the long and epic quest of Fredward the muffin to rid the world of bad foods and pollution. He would travel the world, preaching his news to the people of every country. Until at last he would gain the allegiance of a thousand children and march them to the gates of candy mountain to forever rid the world of unhealthy food.
Fredwards journeys would take him to many far off places and wherever he went he would sing the good news of sustainability. Always singing the same song: “If you were a polar bear you’d like to know What was making so much water by melting all your snow But you wouldn’t need to look far for it is all around you And you’d wonder how they ever sank so low It’s gas! Yes it’s gas! It is what you reap you sow For our good friends humans kill off beasts and it makes gases grow Carbon Dioxide methane and Nitro Oxide Their the gases made by killing all our animals The fertilizer, manure, and the soil by the pails They’re what makes our temperature so darn hot And we’re stuck inside a cooking pot So just eat less lamb, and eat less beef Instead eat the fishes in our coral reef
Don’t eat some cheese A chicken will please Some more eco friendly meals put your mind at ease. Did you know perhaps Our roads on maps Not driven 91 billion miles Is equivalent from all Americans refraining to eat meat A mere one time a week? And the whole time eating something else with a happy joyous smile Those who waste their time not using water Could simply eat a pound less beef without them being a martyr But the most important action to take Takes no tools like an axe or rake But merely buying foods that say organic on their plate
And nature will be clean You’ll feel less mean If you take advice And roll the dice And risk some healthy living” At the end of each song he would then advise his listeners to heed his words, plant more potato, cabbage, and muffin trees, and join him on his epic quest to candy mountain.
UnfortunatlyFredward never made it to Candy mountain on account of the fact that he could not risk open war in a children’s book and he also tripped and fell of the Great Wall of China or the Grand Canyon.
However, Fredward’s name lives on in history and will never be forgotten by those back on his farm. When they were all grown up Alejandro became a lawyer. His most famous cases were in sustainability. Lenny grew up to be a cannibalistic pomegranate who eventually brought down candy mountain in Fredward’s stead. And when he grew up Grandpa Melon died. All in all, everyone was happy.
But this all occurred in the mind of a mad hat maker back when hats were made out of materials that could drive men insane. In his minds eye everything was perfect, but in this world, everything is far from perfect. There is still much to do in order to make this world a better place. If people do not learn the importance of sustainability, all will be lost and candy mountain will rise once more.
This story was taken from the manuscripts of the mad hatter and all the information in it remains true, at least in his eyes. If we take the advice of Fredward, the only sane thing in this hatters life, then maybe, just maybe, we can bring on a new era of greeness, happiness, joyness, wonder, greeness, sustainability, blissfulness, greeness, muffins, greeness, and sanity.
This was the tale of Fredward the muffin, who gave his life and the sanity of a hatter for the sustainability of humanity. If we can buy more organic products, live healthier lives, and choose our foods wisely we will be able to survive on this Earth for many more years to come. It all depends on our environment and if we do not take care of it all will be lost and you will have to think of Lenny the pomegranate, Alejandro the cabbage, Chin the corn stalk, Grandpa melon, and so many more when vegetables become an endangered species. Rise now children and take back man kinds rightfulness besides nature. As equals!
SPECIAL THANKS • Thank you my adoring and supportive fans for making this book possible. • Thank you Mr. Huggins for giving me the option to right this for my presentation. • And thank you Fredwardmay you rest in pieces. • Also thanks to google images for supplying me with all these beautiful works of art.
