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Holy Conferencing

Holy Conferencing. Defining Our Theologies of Suffering. What is Holy Conferencing?. Sharing our present stance. Understanding - it is holy when we share with others, in confidence. Listening carefully, trying to understand other thoughts and ideas.

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Holy Conferencing

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  1. Holy Conferencing Defining Our Theologies of Suffering.

  2. What is Holy Conferencing? • Sharing our present stance. • Understanding -it is holy when we share with others, in confidence. • Listening carefully, trying to understand other thoughts and ideas. • Being aware that we are not trying to reach one “correct” answer.

  3. Defining Moments What is suffering? I believe ________ God and Suffering. I believe ________ Jesus and Suffering I believe ________ God, Suffering, and People.

  4. stress

  5. Focuses on the turbulant . and is often a part of Grief & Depression

  6. Stress Is normal living, magnified by unrealistic expectations.

  7. We are overwhelmed by stress when we do not have adequate coping skills.

  8. Inside The Brain: Reaction = Stress Response can = Calm Reactions—Not thought out/Automatic Responses—Carefully thought out

  9. Details regarding coping skills and brain development come from the following website: www.copingskills4kids.net. Ronald R. Brill “Brain Works and Coping Skills for Kids project”

  10. Between the ages of 10 & 20 • many people learn coping skills that will help them with a lifetime of stress and challenge. • However, if children • experience traumatic loss, rejection, • betrayal or humiliation it often interferes with their abilities to develop coping abilities.

  11. Our Amazing Adaptable Brain The Coping Brain The human brainis packed with billions of changing cells. (neurons brain cells so small 30,000 could fit on the head of a pin) . Brain cells die and new ones grow. The brain is never the same from moment to moment. We can grow and learn better ways to cope. Brain cells, send messages to each other at the incredible speed of one thousand times per second. Our brain is powerful, quick and adaptable!

  12. Reptilian (survival) Brain Says: • Watch out and get ready to attack to protect myself! • When I get a hurt feeling, • I just want revenge – • to hurt other people.

  13. Emotional (Feelings) Brain Says: • I want other people to like me • because it makes mefeel safe. • I want to belong it really hurts when I’m • rejected. • My feelings get hurt when people • disappoint or make fun of me.

  14. Neo-Cortex (thinking) Brain Says: • I can work this out - get over my hurt feelings because I’m smart. • If I can name my hurt feelings they won’t seem so bad. • Hurt feelings show how much I care about someone .

  15. What does the term "coping brain" mean? • Every time we are challenged by new or upsetting experiences our brain must come up with ways to deal with our stress or worry. • Sometimes our brain needs to find better ways to deal with our upsets because the old ways don't work anymore. • We need all three coping brain functions, • thinking, feeling and self-protection, • to get over experiences that make us • stressed, worried, angry or upset. • Training our brain to use health coping methods • means we can heal our own emotional wounds.

  16. WAYS TO STRESS PROOF YOUR BRAIN Progressive RelaxationBegin by stretching your legs as far as they can go...Relax. Stretch your legs, again. Move your feet up, towards you, hold...turn your feet down, away from you…Hold...Relax. Memorization of Scripture Focus Verse Posting Reminders “I am forgiven.” Breath Prayer Guided Meditation Visualization Imagining the way you want things to be, trains your brain to become that way. Workbooks Exercises help retrain your brain Have mercy on me, a sinner.

  17. Depression “Is like a monster that takes over a person.”Gary Nelson, A Relentless Hope

  18. Alcoholism, addictions, & workaholism are ways people hide or ignore their depression.

  19. U.S. National Library of Medicine Major depression is when a person has 5or more symptoms of depression for at least 2weeks. Symptoms: Agitation, restlessness, and irritability Dramatic change in appetite, often with weight gain or loss

  20. Extreme difficulty concentrating Fatigue and lack of energy hopelessness and helplessness worthlessness, self-hate, and inappropriate guilt Symptoms continued Inactivity and withdrawal from usual activities, a loss of interest or pleasure in activities that were once enjoyed (such as sex) Thoughts of death or suicide Trouble sleeping or excessive sleeping anger and discouragement

  21. Possibilities, Resources, and Responses

  22. Start with Responding • Educate yourself. • Q: How many people suffer from depression in the USA in a given year? One in _____.

  23. DEPRESSION: ONE in FOURannually.

  24. Ground Yourself Biblically Analyze the book of Job and the responses as well as reactions that Job’s friends made and had. • Study the Psalms of Lament and the communication patterns found therein.

  25. Wrestle with Jesus’ Suffering • Find a way to sit with the women as they surround Jesus on the cross. • Work your way emotionally through what salvation means to you. • Write out what you believe. • Do holy conferencing with folks. • Share your thoughts with people.

  26. Make a Plan • Call upon the Mental Health Care Providers in your community. Do a meet and greet; learn the services available. • Prepare a reference sheet to place next to the church phone with hotline numbers in your area. • Invite the church body to study the matter and determine ways to help.

  27. Create a Church Support Group Ours is called Friends4Health • A place for learning new coping skills, • Finding we are not alone when we suffer, • Training our brains with the peace that passes all understanding.

  28. Make Care Guidelines Available • Depression may be linked to many other life events. • Key people into websites like: Cancer Circus, • Friends Health Connection, American Cancer Association Hotline,

  29. Create a Book Club • A Relentless Hope by Reverend Gary Nelson *especially helpful for parents and teens. • Creating Moments of Joy by Jolene Brackey *especially helpful for memory loss caretakers • Undoing Depression by Richard O’Connor *step by step instructions as to how to reprogram your brain/form new coping skills. • Undoing Perpetual Stress by Richard O’Connor *excellent resource to help people evaluate their life style and the stress they place upon themselves.

  30. Possibilities • Figure out a way to “walk” with the person. • Recruit & Train others to “walk” with the person. • Preach about Suffering – that there is suffering. Use the Psalms of Lament. It takes a whole lot of people to bring about healing

  31. Risk. Trust. Be Vulnerable if you can. • Be open about own wounds & healing. • “If my preacher experiences this then it means that I can make it.” • Explain everyone’s journey is different, but we don’t have to go it alone.

  32. Grief Facing Emptiness Absence Loss Alone Mourning the Loss

  33. grief griefgriefgriefgriefgrief Approximately ONE in TWENTY- FIVE grieve annually, the loss of a loved one. *Grief normally lasts more than one year.

  34. Grief is Bigger than Loss of Loved One Grief includes other types of loss/change: • divorce (4 out of 1000 yearly), • foreclosure (1 out of every 200 homes,) • illness, • job loss, • pet loss, • and more.

  35. Websites re: Loss • Suicide Survivors: www.suicide.org The level of stress that a person feels after losing a loved one to suicide is catastrophically high – equivalent to that of a highly traumatic concentration camp experience, according to the American Psychiatric Association. Kevin Caruso • Miscarriage/Stillbirth: www.forgottengrief.com www.honoredbabies.com • Murder and Griefhttp://womenincrimeink.blogspot.com/2009/01/murder-survivor.html

  36. Special Needs Children • Dear Abby, • No one fully understands what a parent with a child with a disability goes through from day one. First there is the emotional aspect. We grieve. This is grieving that never ends. It’s cycles over and over. If you’re not crying; you’re angry…the older the child gets (larger, stronger,)it breaks the caregiver’s body and spirit…Sonja in Colorado

  37. Loss of a child • www.sandyfoxauthor.com • Excellent resource on what to say or not to say. • Powerful testament.

  38. www.rainbows.org Healing the Hurt, Restoring the Hope The book shares How to Guide Children and Teens through Times of Divorce, Death, and Crisis with the RAINBOWS Approach *Activities, Stories, Advice and Inspiration from the Program That’s Helped More Than 1 Million Families by Suzy Yehl Marta, Founder and President, RAINBOWS Inc., The World’s Largest Grief Support Organization for Youth

  39. *Grief statistics are much greater than death of a loved one • divorce 4 out of 1000 Yearly • foreclosure 1 out of every 200 homes

  40. Loss due to Broken Relationship • Boot Camp for the Broken-Hearted • Having trouble getting over your broken relationship? • Check out the stages of a broken heart -- and some tips on mending your heart and moving on. • by Audrey Valeriani Divorce.com

  41. Foreclosure & Job Loss Grief • Foreclosure Griefhttp://www.silverplanet.com/health/emotional-mental-health/five-ways-deal-emotional-cost-foreclosure/32252 • Job Loss Griefhttp://www.drshirin.com/Grief.htm

  42. It’s Basic… Obvious… Necessary • We all need reminding that there are things, relationships, and times that come to us and then separate from us. • It is a normal part of life. • Lost and Found by Marc Gellman and Debbie Tilley *Designed for 8 – 12 year olds but great for teens and adults too. One 18 year old woman read it and said she wished she had had the book when her dad committed suicide 7 years prior.

  43. Prepare Others for Life There is a circle of life:

  44. It’s a daily, yearly, lifelong event

  45. I believe time doesn’t “heal” wounds… Over the years with God and the Christian Community’s help we can come to a place of Peace, Acceptance, & perhapsUnderstanding.

  46. LIFE happens We listen And hear, reach and care, We act on behalf of Christ -- but we are not Christ. All thanks be to God! www.newpathways.us

  47. presentation brought to you bywww.newpathways.us Founder,Teresa Smith is a Spiritual Director Guest Preacher, Motivational Speaker, Author, Retreat Leader & Consultant. Some New Pathway Resources: • E guide: What Do you Do? What Do You Say? • E book: Preach the Psalms of Lament Study Guide • Through the Darkest Valley by Teresa S. Smith

  48. www.newpathways.us Share Hope—Call Teresa @ ph # 571-236-9753 or email: guidetohope@verizon.net Please visit our website @ www.newpathways.us

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