Plainness in Marriage

1. Plainness in Marriage

2. Marriage and Crisis

3. First Recognize the natural differences between men and women.

4. Men’s Brains Vs Women’s Brains

5. Second point Becoming One

6. Question The Lord wants us to be One; One with Him (the At-one-ment) One with one another (Zion- One heart) Become One (in marriage) What prevents us from becoming One (with Him, with others, in marriage)? Answer: it is the nature of our heart…

7. Tale of Two Hearts #1- Fearful Heart (Natural Man) Ok, How do I know I have a fearful heart? “It has to be about me” (because I fear its not) Can lead to ‘Hardened heart’ Heart at war (Terry Warner) Victim mentality Sees other people as objects 1- Rescuer-Help me get what I want 2- Roadblock- Prevent me from getting what I want 3- You don’t do either one- Then you are invisible to me When I find myself saying: I’d be happy if only: He/she/they would just: “___________________________”

8. Marital Dynamics Me My Spouse When I use Pornography She sees me as a failure When I Do… They Perceive When he uses Pornography I see me As a failure They Do I see her disappointment I Perceive She withdraws I “m lost, not knowing how to help I see his disappointment- in me.

9. Fearful heart, during a crisis Evaluates: Does this 1- Help Me? (Rescuer) 2- Hurt Me? (Roadblock) 3- Does Neither? Spouse says or does Something Response 1- Encourage it 2- Attack it 3- Ignore it Spouse Response Depends on their heart

10. Heart #2Shepherd's Heart “I only want what You want” (President Eyring) Softened heart, changed heart Heart at peace (Terry Warner) See others as people with a full range of feelings and needs “See [them] as we [hope we] are seen” Focus on service, people, while trusting that we will have our needs taken care of.

11. The Dunkerat Miramar …the instructors insisted that virtually anyone can be taught to get out of the Dunker. First, maintain your reference point. In the most chaotic situations, that means identifying and holding on to something that will will help you stay oriented… Their second mantra is to wait for all the sudden and violent motion to stop… Eventually, the chaos subsides, the tumult ceases, and it’s a lot easier to handle the situation. Ben Sherwood, The Survivor’s Club, p. 7 Question: In chaotic and uncertain times, what are the “reference points” you focus on until the tumult ceases? What is your spouse’s “reference point”?

12. Quiz: Why do we obey the commandments? Bar of God Audit Form Applicant: Kevin Hinckley Good Stuff Bad Stuff _____________ ___________ _____________ ___________ _____________ ___________ _____________ ___________ _____________ ___________ _____________ ___________ _______________________________ ????? ?????? 1- So that we can complete enough righteous merit badges to earn our Celestial Eagle Scout Award… 2- Pile up enough heavenly reward points to offset our list of demerits… 3- So that our hearts will be softened enough to receive the gifts of God; (The Ma’at Principle) Such as: The Gift of Faith The Gift of Hope The Gift of Charity The Gift of Love Final Score: So Sad! He’s just 5 Points short! Send him to The Terrestrial Kingdom…

13. Statement 1950’s (Pres. McKay) No other success… 1978 (Pres. Kimball) Priesthood Declaration 1995 (President Hinckley) Declaration on the family 1998 (President Hinckley) Portent of stormy Weather 10 years later Family Decline in the 1960’s Growth in Africa Gay Marriage Current Financial crisis Words of a ProphetThe 10 year rule… President Hinckley So many of our people are living on the very edge of their incomes. In fact, some are living on borrowings. We have witnessed in recent weeks wide and fearsome swings in the markets of the world. The economy is a fragile thing. A stumble in the economy in Jakarta or Moscow can immediately affect the entire world. It can eventually reach down to each of us as individuals. There is a portent of stormy weather ahead to which we had better give heed…. I urge you, brethren, to look to the condition of your finances. I urge you to be modest in your expenditures; discipline yourselves in your purchases to avoid debt to the extent possible. (Oct 1998 Priesthood Session)

14. Question: What are we hearing, currently, from President Monson?

15. President Monson Throughout our lives, we must deal with change. Some changes are welcome; some are not. There are changes in our lives which are sudden, such as the unexpected passing of a loved one, an unforeseen illness, the loss of a possession we treasure. But most of the changes take place subtly and slowly. Day by day, minute by minute, second by second we went from where we were to where we are now. The lives of all of us, of course, go through similar alterations and changes. The difference between the changes in my life and the changes in yours is only in the details. Time never stands still; it must steadily march on, and with the marching come the changes. This is our one and only chance at mortal life—here and now. The longer we live, the greater is our realization that it is brief. Opportunities come, and then they are gone. I believe that among the greatest lessons we are to learn in this short sojourn upon the earth are lessons that help us distinguish between what is important and what is not. I plead with you not to let those most important things pass you by as you plan for that illusive and non-existent future when you will have time to do all that you want to do. Instead, find joy in the journey—now. (Oct 2008 Priesthood Session)

16. Elder Holland Sister Holland and I were married about the time both of us were reading poems like that in BYU classrooms. We were as starstruck—and as fearful—as most of you are at these ages and stages of life. We had absolutely no money. Zero. For a variety of reasons, neither of our families was able to help finance our education. We had a small apartment just south of campus—the smallest we could find: two rooms and a half bath. We were both working too many hours trying to stay afloat financially, but we had no other choice. I remember one fall day—I think it was in the first semester after our marriage in 1963—we were walking together up the hill past the Maeser Building on the sidewalk that led between the President’s Home and the Brimhall Building. Somewhere on that path we stopped and wondered what we had gotten ourselves into. Life that day seemed so overwhelming, and the undergraduate plus graduate years that we still anticipated before us seemed monumental, nearly insurmountable. Our love for each other and our commitment to the gospel were strong, but most of all the other temporal things around us seemed particularly ominous. On a spot that I could probably still mark for you today, I turned to Pat and said something like this: “Honey, should we give up? I can get a good job and carve out a good living for us. I can do some things. I’ll be okay without a degree. Should we stop trying to tackle what right now seems so difficult to face?”

17. Elder Holland In my best reenactment of Lot’s wife, I said, in effect, “Let’s go back. Let’s go home. The future holds nothing for us.” Then my beloved little bride did what she has done for 45 years since then. She grabbed me by the lapels and said, “We are not going back. We are not going home. The future holds everything for us.” She stood there in the sunlight that day and gave me a real talk. I don’t recall that she quoted Paul, but there was certainly plenty in her voice that said she was committed to setting aside all that was past in order to “press toward the mark” and seize the prize of God that lay yet ahead. It was a living demonstration of faith. It was “the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen” (Hebrews 11:1). So we laughed, kept walking, and finished up sharing a root beer—one glass, two straws—at the then newly constructed Wilkinson Center. BYU Devotional, “Remember Lot’s Wife” 2009