What Will e podryw pl Be Like in 100 Years?

1. I looked at her and then looked at the dinner bill. She looked me straight in the eyes and smiled. Still, no reply. At that moment I imagined picking up the bill and slapping her across the face with it as hard as I could. It definitely was not my best moment, but it wasn't hers either. Apparently, as I found out afterwards, I had fallen into a trap called"the meal plan." The meal program, if you're unfamiliar with it, is when girls go on dates with guys just to get a free meal. It was obviously quite popular with attractive college girls, a classification she definitely fell into. When I first heard about the"meal plan," I did a mental rewind as I scrolled back through all of the dates I had gone on until there: all 37 dates to be exact. How could women take advantage of me like this? As I matured in my online dating, however, I understood that this was actually a reaction for what men do to women. Online dating sucks, but... There are 3 significant levers in our lives which, if we pull them correctly, can change everything. Our career, our health, and our relationships can be the difference between depression and elation. I discovered this firsthand because in the last 5 years I went through the excruciatingly painful and draining process of pulling all three levers at the same time. I quit the career I had been building for more than 7 years and I left my 10-year connection with my girlfriend who I believed I was going to marry. All of a sudden I was a career and dating novice. I was depressed. After 9 months of misery and frustration I was going to give up on online dating all together. One dayI was sitting in the shower feeling sorry for myself for over an hour. And then, for some unknown reason, my ambitious gene triggered and a small voice in my head said,"you are going to give up? No, no you are not. You're going to kick on online dating's ass!" I began to channel my distress into anger, and my anger into determination. I started to approach online dating like one big experiment. I began creating what I predicted,"The Process." In this blog post I'll take you through the whole process I chose to master online dating. From optimizing your profile, A/B testing your descriptions, starting meaningful conversations, as well as crafting interesting dates. We'll discuss how to streamline the online dating process so you can not only get dates, but maybe find the love of your life (with minimal stress). Now, before I get into it, I must preface that based on your context, your culture, and your comfort, your process may have to be different than the below. But, the important takeaway here is to pull back the emotions that come from relationship and treat it like an experiment.

2. If you approach it with the mindset of,"I'm going to go meet interesting people and do interesting things," you'll be much more inclined to enjoy the process. And, if you are diligent, you might end up finding that special person. UPDATE: As of 2019 I've been with my new girlfriend, who I met on OkCupid, for 4 decades and we've moved in together. So maybe these strategies are not all that crazy, but perhaps they are, I'll leave it for you to judge. Listen to the Modern Dating Show Podcast for more tips, tricks, and embarrassingly real stories. Notice: You can also listen to the Modern Dating Show podcast, where my friend Trevor and I pay a whole lot of these approaches as we browse the present struggles and embarrassments of his own relationship trip (and answer listener questions). The complete most frequent mistake I see both guys and gals making when it comes to online dating is they don't define their goal obviously. Deep down inside, most of us know whether we're looking for a serious relationship or just to have fun. The more common scenario that I've found is that both women and men who are looking for a meaningful relationship are optimizing their dating for fun instead. I remember how one day when my coworker, Maddy, heard about my success with online dating, she asked me to help her with her OKCupid profile. She's a remarkably smart and capable woman and she's' really beautiful, a true 10 out of 10, so I was confused why she would need my help. In less than 5 seconds I saw the problem. The photos I saw in her profile looked like they belonged more on thechive.com rather than on any dating site. Basically, so as to maximize for getting dates, Maddy had chosen to just include her most provocative photos. Now I would like to be clear, there is nothing wrong with women having"promiscuous" pictures online. The problem, in the case of dating, is the format of a relationship and what you lead with. Our brains have evolved over centuries to pick up on visual clues much faster than written clues. In fact, they have found that men that are even walking with their girlfriend, will reflexively look if an attractive woman walks by activating their conscious brain. Because dating profiles hide most information aside from the profile photo before a user clicks, leading with provocative photographs sets a poor first impression. So, while it is totally fine to have hot photos up in your instagram, leading with them in your online dating profile is sending signals that may be attracting the wrong sort of guy. There are also lots of classy ways to possess interesting pictures that speak to more than just the unconscious brain. Internet Dating pictures can be both intriguing and classy So, although Maddy was attempting to find a relationship, her photographs were sending signals that she is looking for"fun." Understandably, she had a line of douchebag guys filling up her inbox. Every guy who has done online dating will attest to the struggle of getting a woman to swipe right on their profile, let alone to get them to engage in a conversation.

3. Men, this is completely your own fault. I've seen guys spend hours talking about the statistics of their favourite sports team, which player has what stats, who's health is suffering, as well as how financial reports will effect the team's chances. But, when it comes to online dating, guys have a tendency to slap a few pictures on their profile and then start swiping like orangutans until their palms develop calluses. Guys, stop. Before you start creating or re-creating your dating profile, stop and think about what you're trying to attain. Are you trying to date a great deal of people? Or are you trying to find a meaningful relationship? And"both" isn't an answer. "If you try to appeal to everybody, you will interest no one." The techniques I will outline below work for desired result, but the choices you make will vastly affect your"conversion" rate. For example, the first time I mastered everything in this procedure, I started going on a great deal of dates (3--4 per week, weekly ), but I still felt incredibly unfulfilled. I just realized months later that, while it is good to go on a great deal of dates and get practice dating (recall I was off the dating scene for 10 years), it was even more important to make sure I was dating the right folks. Fortunately I realized this before I was the victim of any more"meal plans" STEP 2 -- A/B Test your online dating profile pictures and descriptions First impressions matter. According to a study from Princeton, it's projected that in any relationship, whether its work or social, we make our mind up about whether we like the person in less than one second. The single biggest flaw in online dating is the first impression you make is based solely on your profile picture. They do not get to hear you talk. They do not get to shake your hand. They don't get to smell you (it's a thing). All you get is one picture and there's a 99% chance it's the wrong one. If a person is coming online dating as an experiment, obviously the first thing to check is your profile picture. I started this process in a very unscientific way... One hundred, and I mean 100% of them said that my first image was not my best. It was interesting feedback, but I was not sure how I could test numerous pictures considering that I could only put one as the default option.

4. The answer: testing across apps. I created profiles on Hinge, OKCupid, CoffeeMeetsBagel, and the dreaded Tindr. I retained my profile description the exact same on each profile, but I set up another profile image on each. I rotated the pictures across profiles until I could get a big enough sample size and make sure that the platform wasn't effecting results. Four of my real dating profile pictures Sure enough, the profile picture that I thought was my best was always the one with the least matches. Interestingly enough, a picture I did not read into, pic B, was actually a massive turn off for pretty much 100 percent of women. When I asked them why, without skipping a beat they answered,"it makes you look like a player." I was shocked when I found out this, because the two women in that photo are actually good friends of mineso I never would have made that connection. Sometimes your photographs can be your greatest blind spot. To completely test out this idea, I actually enrolled a couple of friends (both men and women) into the experiment and had them change their profile pictures. This is a super easy optimization that may seem to be a pain now, but it will save you from dozens, if not hundreds, of missed matches. This is the 20% of work that will get you that 80% improvement in results, so please rotate your photos and rotate them frequently. Top Tip: If you would like to speed this process up, you can actually ask your matches what they think of your own pictures. If a conversation with a game wasn't going well, I decided to get some"user feedback" by asking her why she swiped right and which of my photos she thought was best. (I also used this technique to ask recruiters why I was not getting jobs.) Descriptions are negotiable In highschool I had a history teacher, Mr. Hernandez, who gave me perhaps the worst piece of advice I've ever received:"just be yourself." Now, a part of this error might be my fault, since I took his advice very literally. I began to speak my mind, dress how I wanted to dress, and behave how I wanted to act. This turned out to be a horrible idea. Without any filter or idea behind my actions, I rubbed over a few people the wrong way. Now that I've matured a bit, I have come to understand that there is a difference between being your total self and being yourself.

5. Whether we like to admit it or not, we're never our total selves except when we're by ourselves. Seth Godin has a wonderful podcast on"signals," that you can listen to here. In the podcast, he explains that we actively choose which signs to give to other men and women. A guy wearing a button up shirt, as an instance, isn't necessarily wealthy, but the button up shirt is putting out the sign that he's wealthy. Much like someone who wears all black and an anarchy necklace is signaling she doesn't want to follow society's rules, the man in the button up shirt is signaling that he is okay with subsequent convention. In college I met a woman at a party who immediately caught my attention. I approached her and we instantly hit off. We spent the entire party flirting and dancing. We made plans to have a lunch date in the college cafeteria later that week. I got to the cafeteria early and chose to save us a booth seat. As I was waiting, a woman walked up to me and smiled. I looked up and saw a cute girl dressed in black, wearing black eyeshadow and an anarchy necklace round her neck. Initially I didn't even recognize her, but after a few baffled blinks with my eyes I realized it was my date. She sat down and we began talking. I was that man. I did not really care what she dressed like, but as we picked up our conversation we soon realized we had practically nothing in common. The outfit she'd used as a sign at the party didn't match her personality at all. We ended the date cordially and moved on. Choosing your signals is good, but picking false signals not so much. You do not need to lie, but you also don't want to be your complete self. You need to tell them about how you collect vintage records, you do not want to let them know about how you cry every time a U2 song comes on. You want to tell them about how you volunteer at the animal shelter, you do not want to tell them about how you ran over your cat. Crafting a fantastic description is perhaps the toughest and personal bit of improving your online dating profile. There is no right answer, but there are definitely some incorrect answers. The first step to having a great dating profile description is using a very clear structure. I break down a relationship profile description into 3 parts: Headline: A short sentence somebody can read quickly.

6. Intro Paragraph: A little longer description that gives some color to your interests and character. Call to Action: A desired action you want them to take. Online dating is inherently awkward, so help the other person by letting them know something that you can talk about. Ladies this is especially true for you. If you don't want men messaging you"hello" or"wanna f*ck?" Then give them some fuel to start the conversation with. The Headline Unfortunately, people tend to surf online dating programs the way they surf social media sites: fast and without much thought. It could be, in actuality, that mobile devices have trained us to surf everything in a similar manner. Because of this, I think the headline is possibly the most crucial piece of your description and you should try different variations until you find one that works for you. After a lot of testing I discovered that this one worked best for me: "Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, active." The goal of the headline is to give a fast snapshot of what is unique about you. Having a headline that is authentic, interesting, and brief functions like a stop sign for the individual who is scrolling through the dozens of profiles on their cell phone. It is likely that they'll laugh at the question. As any solid content marketer knows, terrific content is about respecting the medium that you are creating the content for. By way of example, if I went into a girl in a bar and said,"Outdoorsy, curious, ambitious, energetic," she will definitely get up and leave. The opposite is true for online relationship, however. You want your headline to be fluff free. Keep it to a 3--6 words, or a single sentence, and make certain that it is quintessentially you. After that initial curiosity is peaked, you should begin paving a path towards them getting to know you a little bit more. This is not the time to compose a book about yourself. After all, this is only your 3rd touch point with this person, your picture and headline being the first two. The intro paragraph provides a small amount of colour and possibly some talking points that you two can talk about in chat (again, ladies, this is incredibly important to include if you would like to have more meaningful conversations). The intro paragraph that worked best for me was: "I love being outside as much as you can! Some of my favourite things are surfing, climbing, and playing

7. volleyball. I am a creative at heart but I really like learning about businesses and new ideas. I'm into photography, layout, and Tim Ferriss. My perfect Saturday is playing volleyball at the beach with friends. My perfect Sunday is reading a fantastic book at Promenade cafe." This paragraph outlines a couple of basic hobbies and activities I like as well as some non-standard things like business, design, and Tim Ferriss that might peak curiosity. The main thing to remember about this section is to prevent the generic activities that could apply to pretty much anyone. "I like hanging out with friends, watching films, binging on Netflix, and going on hikes." While I'm sure that there are people on earth who don't enjoy watching movies or hanging out with friends, probably 95 percent or more of the folks in your area enjoy those things too. As opposed to trying to fit in, try to stand out. Try to balance your description between things most people like, so it's possible to find common ground, but also things which are uniquely you. For example in my description above: -- Many people like being outside and photography. -- Some people like surfing, climbing, and volleyball. -- But very few people like learning about companies or Tim Ferriss. The Call To Action This is optional, although it certainly helps. In marketing, a call to action (CTA) is the action that you want the user to take after they've viewed your content. In dating, you basically want the individual to message you. This seems like a no brainer, but I have found that a lot of people, both guys and girls, have been rejected so many times that they finally become discouraged from making initial contact. I have heard countless stories of women who have matched with a guy who they really like, but the guy never messages them. When I ask them why they don't message first, it is said that they don't know what to say or they do not want to appear desperate. But, obviously you do not want everyone to message you, so make your call to action specific. On OkCupid they have a single section that states: "You should message me if..." ← This is OkCupid's sub-heading but you can just manually add it on other online dating programs too. My CTA goes as follows:

8. "You should message me if you are an interesting person who likes to play outdoors." Again, as with all this information, when in doubt just test it out. Try using a call to action and see whether your conversations improve. If they don't, simply delete it. The beauty of dating apps is that instead of having 1--5 opportunities to make a connection, as you would if you went to a pub for example, you have thousands of chances and"do-overs" to play with. STEP 3 http://hectorlnwo921.fotosdefrases.com/undeniable-proof-that-you-need-jak-zagadac-do-chlopaka-na- tinderze -- Making initial talking and contact where online dating falls flat on its face compared to"in real life" dating is when it has to do with the conversation. Having to talk online as your initial conversation is a huge limitation when you are trying to start a new relationship. For starters, it is a very unnatural method of communicating, since it's been shown that we receive 55% of our communication from non-verbal (or in this case non-typed) communication. It makes sense then that if you take millions of people and put them in an unnatural communication environment you get some fairly unnatural conversations. While it may be fun to play around with bizarre conversation openers, if you are serious about finding a fantastic relationship through online dating, then it is a good idea to research your results a little bit. This gave me the opportunity to begin testing different conversation openers and see patterns that I simply wouldn't have been able to determine if I did not have a high match rate. Listen to The Modern Dating Show Episode 6 I'll spare you some of the terrible thoughts I had, but in the spirit of good fun, let's examine how well you can judge a fantastic opener from a bad one. QUIZ Which of the following conversation starters performs the best? A) "Hey! How's it going?" B) "Hey! C) "Question: Batman or Superman?" (or some other variation of the type of question). (based on a book they listed in their profile) I'll allow you to think about it for a second. (I will add some space before the reply below. Scroll once you're ready.) Scroll for the response

9. Scroll for the answer Scroll for the response Scroll for the answer Scroll for the response Scroll for the response And the answer is... If you guessed D, then you chose the best answer! (If you guessed C, you chose the worst answer.) In order of best to worst, the replies are D, B, A, C (D being best). There are pluses and minuses to any conversation starter. While I found the absolute best conversations resulting from"Hey! How did you like X book," that obviously depends if they have put a book in their profile. You can alter this to ask about some other part of the profile, such as a picture or a place in their own pictures. The reason I guess that the book one works best though is because a) it shows you actually read their profile and b) it shows that you read. If I can use the book opener to start a conversation I usually also extend it to,"Hey! How did you like x publication? I am now reading'Losing my Virginity' by Richard Branson and highly recommend it!" (This is the way I opened the dialogue with my now-long-term girlfriend). Pretty much every conversation I started with this opener felt a lot more natural and moved past a few messages. The next best choice,"Hey! How was your weekend?" Works almost as well, but it is obviously limited to Sundays, Mondays, or Tuesdays. (It would be odd if you used this on a Friday). This worked pretty well, but not nearly as well. I suspect it's because it seems too much like I'm going to ask her on a date or it puts her on the spot to think about something interesting. The Do's & Don'ts of Online Conversation Now that you've made contact and another person has responded, it's time to have a conversation. Every conversation varies, but there are some guidelines that I'll put in here as suggestions. First, some online dating suggestions for men: DON'T attempt to be interesting by being obnoxiously weird. I can't tell you how many messages my female friends have shown me that sound objectively psychotic. The sad thing is I know that the man is just nervous and trying to think of something interesting to say. Just have a normal conversation just like you would with a friend. DO try to talk about things she's interested in but also add your own ideas. Among the most common complaints I've heard from female friends is that they feel like they're being interviewed. Be sure that you ask questions, but that you also discuss things about yourself in equal measure. DON'T make comments about her appearance or body. Regardless of how well intentioned you are, it will be perceived in the wrong way. Saying things like,"you are so beautiful! You've got a cute smile! You are..." will only

10. lead to a polite"thank you" and will not create meaningful conversation. Now, a couple of online dating suggestions for women: DO be nice and help guide the conversation. Even when I have tried to be friendly and nice, I've still received quite curt or standoff-ish responses. No matter how much men pretend they don't care about the dialogue, they do. And they normally have no clue what they are doing, so offer them some help and guide the conversation in a positive direction. DON'T answer questions without asking some of your own. If you are tired of discussions feeling such as interviews, then be certain that you ask the man about things he is interested in also. It takes two to tango. DON'T make judgments too soon. In my experience women have a tendency to place a good deal more thought into their text messages than guys do. If a man says something that seems weird or odd, give him the benefit of the doubt and do not read too much into it, chances are he didn't either. Now a proposal for the two parties: Try to move the dialogue from online to in real life relatively quickly. Online dating is a excellent tool to fulfill someone, but it is just that. It is a tool, it isn't actual dating. My general recommendation for moving from online to in real life is either one long conversation or two short conversations. It should never take more than a week to establish a date. Thus, if you match with each other on a Monday, you should definitely have begun talking about having a date by Wednesday. So yes, use the programs, but also get off them quickly. In real life is a lot more fun too if you know how to set up good dates... Step 4 -- Making a date sequence that will make you smile more and sweat less Once I had mastered the online part of dating, I soon realized that procuring the date is just half the battle. The second half of this battle, how well goes, is largely determined before you've even set out from your residence. As they say in real estate: location, location, location. Where you have your date decides about 50--70% of the outcome of the date. But first a question... Where's the worst place to have a date? As it turns out, it is actually at the most frequently selected dating place: A sit-down restaurant. At first I was taking all my dates to restaurants for dinner. Boring, I know. But bear in mind, I was totally new to dating so I was just following what I'd seen in movies. Many of them didn't go well, but I wasn't sure why. After a dozen or so awkward (and pricey ) dates, I determined that I should experiment with some other locations. What happened next was absolutely mind blowing.

11. It wasn't I was doing anything differently or that I had been choosing better girls to go on dates with, it was simply a matter of context. Here's why I believe dinner dates do not work, it goes something like this: You meet a complete stranger out a restaurant. You have an awkward hug. You sit down at a table. You begin talking, then the waiter interrupts asking about beverages. You choose beverages. You continue to speaking. The waiter interrupts again to your food order. You are not ready to order because you have been talking. The waiter provides you"another minute." You examine the menu making comments about the choices. The server comes back ten minutes later. You order food. You continue talking. You talk and talk. You then run out of things to discuss. What should you do next? You have to keep talking. Talk... Talk... Talk! A dinner date provides no options. It's a singular task that depends on you linking with a complete stranger almost immediately. This issue is exacerbated by the fact that many of us are getting worse at having in-person discussions. Spending so much time online has enhanced our written communication skills, but it has also atrophied our in-house communication abilities. Therefore, if we're getting worse at having in-person conversations, why would you bet your entire love life on the fact you will be able to have an remarkable in-person conversation with a complete stranger? I had been holding on to a little ledge, about the size of a golf-ball, while the rest of my body dangled 30-feet over the floor like a giant cat toy. "O well," I thought,"this will be a good bonding experience." As I let my fingers slip off the ledge I expected the sharp jolt of the rope on my climbing harness. However, there was no jolt. I started falling for what felt like eternity. As it happens, my climbing partner had momentarily let go of the rope just as I'd slipped off the ledge. She panicked and didn't catch the rope until I had fallen 15 feet to what I was sure was my upcoming death. Finally the rope finally stopped and I felt a massive jolt, both physically and emotionally. "Okay this date might be a little too exciting," I thought. My entire dating profession made a 180-degree turn when I started taking my dates on fun activities instead of dinners. Some of these activities worked better than others. But I found out that the most essential elements to a wonderful date place could be distilled into three categories: Walkability -- Do we need to sit together or can we walk around? When you are walking, your scenery is changing so you can grab new conversation topics as you go. "O look at that naked guy on rollerblades!" Action -- Can we do the activity reasonably well? I've seen men get this one fairly wrong. It's fun to teach someone something that you're passionate about, but make sure it's not too hard. Taking a woman rock climbing? Make sure she isn't scared of heights first. Scalability -- Can the date grow or shrink in scale as needed? Having a terrific time? Great! Let's go get dessert! No chemistry? No problem, how can we end the date sooner? With these three criteria, I crafted a 3 date sequence which nearly doubled the amount of successful dates I went

12. on. Now I know what you are thinking,"This man took women out to the same areas like it was some kind of regimented assembly line?" No. This was my go-to order, but, based on interests, I'd substitute different activities to keep the dates intriguing. This was merely a template which simplified my decisions and decreased the cognitive load I was putting in my mind. Happy brain = Happy dates. So here's my ideal dating sequence: Date #1 -- Off the Grid: Off the Grid is a gathering of food trucks each Friday from the San Francisco bay. Why I like it: One of the problems of inviting someone out to dinner is that everybody has different food tastes. Then (if you are a guy) you've got to account for cost of meals. Off the grid solves this since there are over 20 distinct types of (affordable) cuisine. Additionally, it lets you walk around, people watch, and get drinks. You can extend the date by getting dessert or listening to the live bands. Queue the awkward white-boy dance moves. Date #2 -- Variable: This date could vary based on interests but I had a couple of go-tos, specifically: Little Italy, rock climbing, tennis, picnic on the shore. Why I like it: What these actions had in common were the 3 variables: walkability, action, scalability. We could walk around Little Italy, catch cannolis, stay for drinks at Jack Karouac's favourite bar, or abort early. With both rock climbing and tennis we can alternate between talking and activity. If we did a picnic on the beach, we can go for romantic walks or huddle around a fire pit on Ocean Beach. Date #3 -- Cal Academy Adult Night: An adult-only night at the Cal Academy of Sciences where you can catch drinks and look at exhibits. Why I like it: This date was especially important because if a girl had made it to date #3, it meant I really liked her. Additionally, it meant we might take the connection to the bedroom. The Cal Academy night fulfilled all requirements, also it was a semi-formal occasion so we could both dress well for that special night. This was also my secret evaluation because if a girl didn't like facts and science it probably would not work out between us anyway. As an additional bonus, it was also a 20-min walk from my place, so that helped with the"scalability" of the evening. Listen to each of the episodes of The Modern Dating Show These are just three examples of how to take online dating offline and make a reasonably successful dating arrangement. Here are a few tips on what to search for on every date as you try to make your own dating arrangement: Date #1: Search for a casual environment that is not intimidating. Dark bars or loud places do not make for great conversation. Make certain that you can reliably visit this place, so avoid places with long waits or where you need to make reservations. Ensure you can schedule the date for a weeknight (try not to book someone's weekend for a first date). Date #2: You've broken the ice and you have both agreed to a second date, so have fun with this one! Select an activity you will both like that is not too difficult. Ideally choose an activity that has a cadence where you alternate

13. between doing something and speaking. Going on a 10 mile run is great for exercise, but it does not allow for conversation. Seeing a movie at a movie theater has similar limitations. Date #3: You both confirmed you like each other, it's time to take it to another level. Try to make this date a little more special than the first two. It needs to be romantic, it should test how compatible you really are, and it ought to confirm whether or not you want to continue seeing each other long term. Following the excitement of dates and two, there may be a lull in date 3, so be sure whatever you select gives new intimacy to the connection. By way of example, if I did not go to the Cal Academy I'd go dancing instead. STEP 5 -- Obtaining your Timing Right maybe among the most important pieces of the online dating puzzle that I see guys screw up again and again is time. Assuming the guy is the one forcing the dating sequence (which isn't always the case) there are some questions you will need to ask: When should you ask her to go on a date? When should you go for the kiss? Here I'll share my answers to these questions that I've found most helpful. But again, depending on your context, your culture, and your own comfort your answers may vary. The main thing is to actually think about timing, rather than leaving it up to"feeling." Going from Online to Offline It is very easy to let a great online conversation die out. You message , she messages you, back and forth, forth and back. To be able to make certain that I don't waste all my time with internet conversations I found it was best to ask a girl to go on a date after about 2 days of messaging or about 20 minutes of constant conversation. Again, try not to linger in the safe-space of this virtual world too long. It may feel like it's necessary, but it's very easy to waste a lot of time and momentum in the chat room. Going from Date 1 to Date 2 When I was 25, functioning as"the new guy" in a tech startup, my desk was placed right behind the sales staff. Every day I overheard their sales calls where they would use their jedi mind tricks to close deals with multi-million dollar balances. One thing I discovered is that each and every time they were ending a call they would ask,"okay so what does your calendar look like for next week? Busy? Okay how about the week after that? O that's no good also. Okay how about the week after that?" Regardless of what the prospect said, the salesperson would always insist on at least"penciling" the next meeting to the calendar with the option of cancelling if needed. When I took this technique and applied it to dating, it led to some pretty incredible results. This rule is somewhat contrarian, but it has worked really well: Always request the second date on the first date.

14. One of the worst things about dating is that you're putting yourself out there. You're opening yourself up to strangers and in return you are getting a lot of uncertainty. No one likes uncertainty. No one likes to check their phone every hour to determine if you've texted them or not. Nobody likes to wonder if you like them or not. Surprisingly, most individuals don't mind if you don't like them, they only want to know. So my suggestion is to quit playing games, both with another person and on your own. If you like them, tell them you like them. If you do not, have the respect to let them know you don't. (A gentle way to do this is by telling them you are not ready to date at this time. I had a girl tell me and it was the easiest let down I have ever experienced and used it later myself too). I must pause here for a single caveat: Yes, you should tell them you like them, but not always. Nobody likes to be smothered or chased constantly. I see this a lot with both guys and girls who get really excited by the person they have just met and then they proceed to text them, call them, and see them day after day after day. Stop Chasing Shadows When I was thirteen years old, my grandfather gave me some advice that I still use to this day. He told me,"Women are like shadows, the more you pursue them, the more they run away. The more you run away, the more they chase you." If you discover someone who you would like to be with really badly, don't frighten them away by being obsessive. If they like you too, there is no need to chase them. Yes, you should consciously attempt to establish a date, but there's no reason to go on dates every single night of the week. Allow the relationship to have some breathing room. A fantastic way to judge if a relationship is going well is if you find yourself missing the other person and vice versa. There is a great deal of truth in the saying,"absence makes the heart grow fonder," and now there is even scientific proof for it as well. In a number of studies, anthropologists have discovered that many primates invest more effort into a relationships if the individuals in that relationship have been forced apart. What's interesting is that researchers in the Aalto University in Finland have recently confirmed that the same holds true in humans. By data mining mobile phone records and comparing call patterns and duration, the researchers at the university found that people will also invest more effort into relationships when there is a probability of that relationship weakening. I tried applying this research to dating in a relatively simple way and, to my surprise, it worked nicely. It turns out that by simply allowing for some time to elapse between dates, ironically, makes the connection strengthen rather than weaken.

15. My cadence for relationship that I found worked pretty well was the following: Date 1 -- Day 0 Date 2 -- 7 days after Date 1 Date 3 -- 14 days after Date 2 Date 4 -- variable This sequence meant that I'd spread out the first 3 dates across a one month period. This allowed for sufficient time for the relationship to grow and helped me make sure I did not suffocate my dates, which was especially helpful when I was really into them. Takeaways and Next Steps As I mentioned at the start of the post, these relationship strategies helped me tremendously, but based on your context, your culture, and your own comfort, your process may have to be different than the one above. In actuality, because dating is such an emotional activity (similar to job hunting), it's imperative to have a system set up that will help you navigate the ups and downs. By engaging in online dating you're getting on a rollercoaster of emotions and, like on a real rollercoaster, it would be foolish to just jump and continue. Making sure you have that lap belt secured and that you've been on a few less extreme rides can help you enjoy the ride a whole lot more. Perhaps the single most important point to keep in mind though is to let go of expectations and treat the process like an experiment. As we often discuss on the podcast, when you let go of expectations and just create your target just having fun with other human beings, online dating becomes something to look forward to rather than something to dread. Like the advice of world wide investors, you want to diversify your portfolio and minimize your chance of catastrophic failure. A means of doing that is by going on dates which aren't only sit-down dinners, so that regardless of how your relationship partner behaves, at least you will have a good time doing something fun. And, to decrease the risk, you should build both an outreach and dating sequence so that you decrease the cognitive load of having to think of new dates constantly. Find a few activities you like doing and then match the dates into those activities. This is also a wonderful way to filter out people that aren't compatible with you in the first place, which will save you time and money in the long run. Naturally, irrespective of how well I did all of the above items, I still had my share of terrible dates. The girl who used me as a meal program being just one of many. Dating is a rollercoaster that will frighten you, challenge you, and sometimes make you wish you had never gotten on. But bear in mind, once you're feeling down and like giving up on love altogether: "You are never as bad as they say you are, you're also not as good as you think you are." Take each date as an opportunity to improve yourself. If you work on your own, improving your conversations, your dates, and your connection with other people, that investment will pay off far beyond online dating. If you enjoyed this post, I would super appreciate if you hit the green hand clap button below so that more people

16. can discover it. And, if you have any more questions about dating, hear our podcast where you can submit your own dating questions and we'll answer them on the show.