Parenting kids with ADHD

1. Parenting kids with ADHD Greg Pavich MD Alpine Pediatrics gpavich@alpinepeds.com 801-922-9222

2. Can you relate? • “If you are like most parents of boys with ADHD, you cannot even begin to count the times you have thrown your hands up in dismay at the daunting task of parenting. You want the best for your son but are at a loss as to how to make that happen.” • Raising Boys with ADHD

3. Don’t forget the BIG PICTURE! • If you could look into the future and describe the ideal outcome for your children, what would it be? • How would you define success for them? • When could you declare success? • What would your relationship be with them? • In a perfect world, this would be easy right?

4. REAL LIFE gets more complicated • There are no perfect people • We don’t have unlimited time • There is always too much to do • We just don’t have endless energy • There is no money tree in the backyard • We all have different personalities that have to interact • There are so many things that we can’t control • Now throw in ADHD !

5. Added Pitfalls of ADHD • 10 x’s more like to have interpersonal relationship issues • Bossy, Controlling • Aggressive • Getting over-stimulated • No respect for personal boundaries • Not knowing how to act • Shy • Anxious • Aloof • Despondent

6. It all starts in the brain

7. Preparation is Everything! • You are the expert on your child • Learning how to advocate for your child • School (IEP, 504) • Finding their strengths • Social Landmines • Working with your MD, teacher, coach • Educate yourself about ADHD • After you know everything, it still doesn’t happen perfectly.

8. Get Yourself Ready • Stay Calm! • We tend to infuse emotion into confrontations • Escalating punishments / avoid all or nothings • Separate ADHD behaviors from bad behaviors • They really don’t exist to just make you miserable • Parenting is not a competition • Empathize • If you have been there, share it • Be the Example • Especially if you have ADHD

9. Principles to go and do… • Routine, Routine, Routine • Make a schedule, and follow it! • Best way to create organization • Small sub-routines inside the big ones. • Be creative, routine can be boring • Be Persistent • “how many times have I told you…” • How many times is it going to take? --More • You are a Coach • Teaching social interactions • Emotional balance • Educational settings

10. Principles to go and do… • Fostering Self-Reliance • Find opportunities to make wise choices • Accentuate the positive • There can be so much negative • Ways to focus on the positive ( 4:1 rule) • Positive Consequences for positive behaviors • Pick your battles • An ounce of prevention … • Breaks and fun! (For you and for them)

11. Make ADHD an asset not a liability • Enhance your child’s strengths • If they love it, it will help build focus • Will build confidence • Sometimes there is something behind the behavior • “I don’t know why I don’t…” • Kids sometimes just break rules • Don’t take it personally • If we want to teach them to fly, try not to “clip their wings”

12. General Principles of Behavior Management • Structure • Consistency • Establishing Boundaries • Creative Outcomes • Natural Consequences • Follow up • The Safety Net • Look for secondary diagnosis

13. What is the Point? • We try to create an environment of success and achievement • Avoid the downward spiral of failure • Maximize potential • Minimize self destructive behaviors • If we can show our kids that ADHD can certainly be an advantage for them in many ways. They will realize that they can really do anything. • ADHD is not really attention deficit, it is Attention different.

14. Despite the odds, it is still worth it! • There is more than one way to get there. • They are our kids, not a “condition” • It’s the rollercoasters that are the best rides. • Enjoy the Ride…