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Married Life

Married Life. April 15 th : Crazy Love April 22 nd : Broken Vessels April 29 th : Friends or Lovers? May 6 th : The Devil Made Me Do It May 13 th : Prayer & Spiritual Intimacy May 20 th : Thunder & Lightning May 27 th : Mosquito Bites June 3 rd : Guest Speakers

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Married Life

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  1. Married Life April 15th: Crazy Love April 22nd: Broken Vessels April 29th: Friends or Lovers? May 6th: The Devil Made Me Do It May 13th: Prayer & Spiritual Intimacy May 20th: Thunder & Lightning May 27th: Mosquito Bites June 3rd: Guest Speakers June 10th: Learning to Love

  2. Summary points • POINT 1: Marriage is fabulously hard... For everyone • POINT 2: Change begins with desire • POINT 3a: We are fabulously different… set up for conflict from the beginning… • and God has designed it this way (!?!?) • POINT 3b: Asking a marriage to flourish without God is like asking a tree to grow without sunshine

  3. Summary Points • POINT 4: Missing issues of the heart in a marriage is like rearranging deck chairs on the titanic • POINT 5: Happily ever after is centered • on character transformation

  4. i. Opposites attract • 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10 • 1. There are “forces” out of our immediate awareness – whether you like it or not- believe it or not…

  5. i. Opposites Attract • Magnets Attract or Repel • 2. They (hidden forces) influence our decisions and behaviors … always…

  6. Brad’s Top Pet Peeves of Lori: • Leaves drawers open… used to be cupboards • Gas tank is empty in your car • Uses my money clip as personal ATM • Eats crackers on couch… or bed • Asks me for directions when her phone has GPS • Thinks she may have seen the garbage cans in back … once • Only takes 1 napkin… if any… then uses mine • Forgets to get something to drink… the drinks mine

  7. i. Opposites Attract • What drives you nuts about your spouse? • WHY? • 3. They (hidden forces) are a part of my past- personality- human nature- and the workings of the Holy Spirit…

  8. i. Opposites Attract • Galatians 3:28… • Remember, since God ordained and blessed marriage… • 4. God knows this, designed this, and uses this in our marriages to…

  9. i. Opposites Attract

  10. i. Opposites Attract

  11. i. Opposites Attract • POINT 1: Change in a marriage cannot happen without changing my perspective • That I don’t see everything… • That I am not in control… • That I don’t know it all… • That I need God even more to navigate the waters of marriage…

  12. ii. Broken vessels • Genesis 3:8-13; 4:1-9 • Do you believe in the Fall?... Really? • What are the effects of the Fall on our marriages? (shame, blame, lies, defensiveness for starters) • On your marriage?

  13. ii. Broken vessels

  14. iI. Broken Vessels • The fall has left us like leaky buckets, needing more and more, trying to fill the hole that can never be filled by your spouse... Two broken cups cannot possibly fill each other, so, of course you are disappointed in your marriage …We often feel responsible for our spouses unhappiness... This moves to resentment… You are not enough, you never will be

  15. II. Broken vessels • Be honest, how much of your frustration, anger, disappointment comes from wanting your spouse to change? • How much of your time is spent trying to get your spouse to change versus accepting the change God is seeking in you?

  16. II. Broken vessels • Point 2: Happiness in the marriage is dependent on shifting focus from changing you to changing me- It is not your spouse’s job to make you happy …Happily ever after is centered on character transformation

  17. iii. Styles of relating • There are 2 types of people in the world: the clueless and the repentant- those who are open to looking at their lives, and those who are not- folk who know they need God to change them and folks who are expecting everyone else to change… which group are you in? be careful, the second group chooses ignorance and causes great damage to those who love them

  18. iii. Styles of relating • I can’t believe I married my mother! • Wounds Shape Us • Cain & Abel (Genesis 4)

  19. iii. Styles of relating • What wounds do you bring into the marriage? What is your defining wound that shapes you? (fostered your insecurity, defensiveness, fears, anger, abandonment, etc.) … • What messages did you receive in your family as a little girl/boy that helped define you? These messages guide our interpretations of our spouses actions... We think they are doing the same thing…

  20. iii. Styles of relating • Point 3: We all have a style of relating born out of our brokenness that we carry into our marriages • Failure to recognize this keeps us in the shame, blame, and defend mode…

  21. iv. learning to love • 1. What is the Solution? … Learn to Love – John 15:9-13 • 2. What does love look like? … Becoming more Christ-like • 3. How do I do that? • a. compassion for your spouse’s brokenness • compassion and understanding comes by knowing the story of your spouse’s life and style of relating • b. choosing to turn from your own self-protective style of relating

  22. iv. Learning to love • Ultimately, learning to love is to become more Christ-like, and… • Point 4: The greatest gift you can give your marriage is to have a real and growing relationship with Jesus Christ… where you grow to be more like Him

  23. Do something • The best person to help us identify our style of relating is our spouse- ask about that this week • What would you like to talk about with your spouse? • Spend time telling the story of your lives to each other- childhood, memories, painful events, and happy ones

  24. Personal questions • How are you different from your spouse? • What are the things that drive you crazy about your spouse? • Did you enter marriage knowing your spouse was broken? Or, when did you find that out? When was the moment you realized your spouse was broken… a royal mess? • How did the shock of realizing their brokenness come to you? How did it make you feel? • Can you name the ways your brokenness collides with your spouse’s brokenness? • Have you ever seen your marriage as God trick to transform you? What would this revelation do to your perspective of things? • What is your “style of relating” that is hard to give up? Can you see where it comes from? How can you choose a different style of relating? • Do you know the story of your spouse’s life?

  25. From Week 1 Do something • • Write down your desires and dreams. • • Is there a scene in a movie that captures what you want in your marriage? What about the scene grabs you? • • What would you like to talk to your spouse about? • • Watch a movie together- one that you identify with – that captures something of your heart’s desire for your marriage • • Look at your wedding pictures together – talk about the time- notice the desires for your marriage together you had then- Are they the same?

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