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Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships. Take a few minutes to write about a healthy relationship you have witnessed. What does it look like? Sound like?. Write about it. Should be… based on mutual care and respect satisfying and promote individual growth. Healthy Relationships.
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Take a few minutes to write about a healthy relationship you have witnessed. What does it look like? Sound like? Write about it
Should be… based on mutual care and respect satisfying and promote individual growth Healthy Relationships
Characteristics of healthy relationships: • You communicate openly • You trust each other • Respect for one another • Honesty • Shared decisions and responsibilities • You compromise when there is disagreement • You each take responsibility for your own actions • You feel physically safe • You are comfortable with one another • You accept who the person is and don’t try to change them • You can spend time apart from one another
What are some common relationship problems? • Distance • Family issues • Age • Values/Beliefs • Culture • Religion • Too Busy • Infidelity • Communication Brainstorm
Share your feelings - speak up if something is bothering you • Respect your partner’s wishes and feelings • Learn to compromise • Be willing to give your partner support and ask for support when you need it • Respect each other’s privacy and space • Be thoughtful • Listen to what your partner says Tips for a healthy relationship
Do you feel safe and comfortable in you relationship? • Do you spend time with friends and family outside of your relationship? • Is your privacy respected and can you spend time alone? • Can you express your feelings without fearing your partner’s reactions? • Do you laugh, play, and have fun with your partner? • Do you each take responsibility for your own actions and happiness? • Do you feel comfortable refusing affection, a date, or other activities? • Is your partner jealous of your friends or family? • Do you like yourself less than usual when you’ve been with your partner? • Do you find yourself ever afraid of your partner? • Can you say what you like or admire about your partner? • Does your partner ask for and respect your opinions? • If you answered no to any of these questions you should discuss your relationship with someone you trust such as a parent, friend, or counselor Healthy Relationship Quiz
Occurs when one partner wants power and control over the other through sexual, physical, verbal, or emotional abuse • What would be examples of sexual abuse? Physical? Verbal? Emotional? Dating Violence
One in every three teen relationships is violent. • 36% of teens report violence in their relationship. • One in every three adult relationships is violent. • 85% of reported cases of dating domestic violence are committed by men against women. • 15% of reported cases of dating domestic violence are committed by women against men, women against women in lesbian relationships or men against men in gay relationships. • 60% of children growing up in abusive homes will repeat the behavior in the future. • One out of every three women murdered is killed by a current or ex boyfriend or husband. • Women ages 16 to 24 experience the highest rates of intimate violence. • 68% of young women who experience rape know their rapist either as a boyfriend, friend or casual acquaintance. • 40% of teenage girls ages 14 to 17 say they know someone their age who has been hit or beaten by a boyfriend. True/False
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SuFZDsUQFRA THEY ARE ALL TRUE!!!
Honeymoon • Tension • Explosion • Love, Hope • Fear, Denial Cycle of Violence
Honeymoon:Abusive and non-abusive relationships start the same, like a honeymoon: pleasant and fun. The honeymoon phase allows a couple to bond and develop strong feelings for each other. To illustrate the importance of this bond in the cycle of violence, ask the group, "If on the first or second date someone called you names, asked you constantly about your whereabouts, or hit you would you continue to date them?" Almost all participants will answer, "Of course I wouldn't date them!" Explain that if someone is abusive before there is an emotional bond, often times the victim will quickly end the relationship. However, once there are strong feelings like love involved, it becomes much harder to walk away. • Tension:At some point in the relationship, tension arises. This is a stressful period for both the abuser and the victim, but there is no violence present. Tension can also occur in non-abusive relationships but it never leads to abuse. However, in an abusive relationship during this stressful period, the victim feels like they are "walking on eggshells," meaning if they slip up at anytime they could "set the abuser off." • Explosion:After the period of tension the couple experiences an explosion, meaning, one member of the couple uses, or explodes with, verbal, physical or emotional abuse toward their partner. • Return to Honeymoon:Once the explosion resolves, the abuser often tries to repair the relationship and most often the relationship cycle starts back at the honeymoon phase. To illustrate this, ask the group the following questions:
Common characteristics of unhealthy relationships: • Control • Dishonesty • Physical abuse • Disrespect • Intimidation • Sexual abuse • Dependence • Hostility
Your partner may become abusive if he/she displays the following… • Are extremely jealousy and always question if you are faithful • They make all of the decisions about where you go and what you do. • They isolate you and don’t let you hang out with your friends • They constantly put people down, including you and your family • Telling you what to wear or how to act • Texting and checking up on you all of the time • Blaming you for anything bad that happens • Hitting or hurting you during an argument • Threatening you if you try to leave • Demands sex or affection • Abuse alcohol or other drugs • Take advantage of you • Cheat on you or have lots of partners Warning Signs
Don’t listen to you or show interest in your opinions or feelings. • Ignore you, give you the silent treatment, or hang up on you. • Lie to you, don’t show up for dates, maybe even disappear for days. • Make vulgar comments about others in your presence • Threaten to kill themselves if you break up with them, or tell you that they cannot live without you. • Experience extreme mood swings. . .tell you you’re the greatest one minute and rip you apart the next minute. • Tell you to shut up or tell you you’re dumb, stupid, fat, or call you some other name (directly or indirectly). • Compare you to former partners. Cont’d…
Do you constantly check up on your partner and accuse her or him of cheating or lying? • Are you extremely jealous or possessive? • Do you have an explosive temper? • Have you hit, kicked, shoved, or thrown things at your partner? • Do you constantly criticize or insult your partner? • Do you become violent when you use drugs or alcohol? • Do you use threats or intimidation to get your way? • Have you ever forced your partner to have sex with you through threats? • Have you ever threatened your partner with physical harm? • Have you threatened to hurt yourself or someone else if your partner breaks up with you? Are you abusive?
Let their grades drop • Drop out of school activities • Be afraid to make decisions • Cry more than usual or experience depression • Obsess about pleasing their partner • Have problems sleeping, headaches, stomachaches • Have weight changes • Turn to drugs or alcohol • Have physical markings of abuse (like bruises) • Cut or harm themselves • Feel suicidal Teens in unhealthy relationships may…
To express your opinions and have them be respected • To have your needs be as important as your partner’s needs • To grow as an individual in your own way • To change your mind • To not take responsibility for your partner’s behavior • To not be physically, emotionally, verbally or sexually abused • To break up with or fall out of love with someone and not be threatened What are your rights?
Tell a friend or relative • Inform people at school • Break up in a public place where it is safer • Avoid being alone – walk with friends everywhere you go • Change cell phone number • Keep a journal of what happened • Let a friend or family member know where you are going to be Getting out of an unhealthy relationship
Listen without judging • Tell him/her you believe them, it’s not their fault, they don’t deserve this • Aid your friend in getting help • Be patient and supportive • Don’t confront the abuser How to be a helping friend
Find a partner • Come up with one example of a healthy relationship and one example of an unhealthy relationship • Example of healthy: Amy and Brett take set aside time each week to see their friends. • Example of unhealthy: Bobby refuses to let Sara wear leggings or yoga pants because he is thinks other guys will look at her. • Turn your examples in to me • Each of you will randomly select one example, read it to the class, and tell us if it is healthy or unhealthy relationship and why Activity
Consent is when someone agrees to engage in sexual activity with someone else. • The right to control your own body • The person initiating the sexual activity is responsible for obtaining permission from the person he/she wants to engage in sexual activity with. • Every person involved in a sexual situation must feel that they are able to say “yes” or “no” at any point during sexual activity. • Absence of clear permission means you can’t touch someone, not that you can. What consent is
Body language • Friendly or flirtatious body language does not mean a person is providing consent • Power differentials • Teacher/Student and Boss/Employee relationships do not imply consent just because one person has more power • Dating relationships or previous sexual activity • You cannot assume your partner consents when you are dating, even if you have had sex before • Marriage • Consent cannot even be assumed in marriage • Beingdrunk • If a persondrinkstoomuch, theyare not capableofgivingconsent What consent is not
Coercion is a tactic that perpetrators use to exert power and control over another person. • Coercion occurs when a person intimidates, tricks, forces, or manipulates someone into engaging in sexual activity without the use of physical force. Perpetrators may also use threats of violence, blackmail, drugs, and/or alcohol to coerce someone into sexual activity. Coercion
“If you really loved me, you would have sex with me.” • “If you won’t have sex with me, I’ll find someone who will.” • “But you’ve been flirting with me all night.” • “I didn’t realize you were such a prude.” • Can you think of any others?? Examples of Coercion
rape – any act of sexual contact that is forced upon a person without the person’s consent • Rape, whether by a stranger or an acquaintance, is an act of aggression that uses sex to show the victim that the rapist has power. • Date Rape: the attacker is someone that the victim know • Most common type of rape • NOTHING a woman does—using drugs or alcohol, going to risky places, wearing certain clothing, kissing and sexually touching or even having previously had sex with a man—gives a man the right to force her to have intercourse against her will. Rape
1 out of 6 American women have experienced rape in their lifetime • Typical age of a rape victim is 16-24 • 50-88% of rape victims know their perpetrators • 15-30% of women will experience date rape at some point in their life • 10-14% of married women are raped by their husbands • 80-90% of rapes are not reported to the police Some Statistics
Physical • Injuries may result from rape (pelvic pain, back pain, future pregnancy complications…) • Risk of contracting sexually transmitted infections or HIV • Psychological • Suicidal thoughts • Feelings of self-blame and betrayal • Flashbacks, panic attacks, sleep problems • PTSD • Financial • Medical care costs average of $500 • Missed work • Psychologist or psychiatrist appointments Effect of Rape
Myth: A woman who gets raped usually deserves it, especially if she has agreed to go to a man's house or park with him. • Reality: No one deserves to be raped. Being in a man's house or car does not mean that a woman has agreed to have sex with him. • Myth: If a woman agrees to allow a man to pay for dinner, drinks, etc., then it means she owes him sex. • Reality: Sex is not an implied payback for dinner or other expense no matter how much money has been spent. • Myth: Acquaintance rape is committed by men who are easy to identify as rapists. • Reality: Women are often raped by "normal" acquaintances who resemble "regular guys. • Myth: Women who don't fight back haven't been raped. • Reality: Rape occurs when one is forced to have sex against their will, whether they have decided to fight back or not. Myth vs Reality
Myth: Once a man reaches a certain point of arousal, sex is inevitable and they can't help forcing themselves upon a woman. • Reality: Men are capable of exercising restraint in acting upon sexual urges. • Myth: Most women lie about acquaintance rape because they have regrets after consensual sex. • Reality: Acquaintance rape really happens - to people you know, by people you know. • Myth: Women who say "No" really mean "Yes." • Reality: This notion is based on rigid and outdated sexual stereotypes. • Myth: Certain behaviors such as drinking or dressing in a sexually appealing way make rape a woman's responsibility. • Reality: Drinking or dressing in a sexually appealing way are not invitations for sex.
