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The Challenge of Raising Children to Maturity

The Challenge of Raising Children to Maturity. Obstacles to Learning to Become a Good Parent. Defensiveness ( “The way of the fool is right in his own eyes, but he who heeds counsel is wise” Pro. 12:15)

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The Challenge of Raising Children to Maturity

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  1. The Challenge of Raising Children to Maturity

  2. Obstacles to Learning to Become a Good Parent • Defensiveness (“The way of the fool is right in his own eyes, but he who heeds counsel is wise” Pro. 12:15) • Confusing raising children with training children (Pro.22:6 “to twist into greatness”) • Not understanding that foolishness is bound up in the heart of child (Pro.22:15)

  3. Goals of Child Training • Eph.6:4 “Bring them up” – “to rear or nourish to maturity.” Maturity involves: • Self-control – the key to “selflessness” – not ruled by passions, desires, or curiosity. • Wisdom – ability to learn from experience • Responsibility – being accountable. Faithful, & conscientious in work habits • Maturity is trained to say “no” to their desires and “yes” to righteous living

  4. Immaturity Is Characterized by Self-Indulgence • They rarely say “no” to themselves & feel they should have whatever they want. • They are self-absorbed, constantly pushing parents, complaining, whining, impatient, demanding, preoccupied with fun. • They lack wisdom – squander money; do not learn from mistakes; can’t be left alone. • Irresponsible – nothing is their fault; resent work; lazy; rarely serve others.

  5. Two Opposing Goals • With maturity as our goal, parental decisions are made easier – “Will this foster maturity or immaturity?” • The goal of most Americans for their children: A happy, fulfilling childhood. • Minimize challenges/difficulties • Make sure they have fun in all they do

  6. The Importance of a Parent-run Home 1 Timothy 3:4 • Submitting to outer controls provides for inner controls. • Children who whine & get their way are actually running the home. • The stress of “testing the limits” leaves children insecure & unhappy. • Quick obedience insures safety • A child can more easily submit to God

  7. Identifying a Child-run Home • “Not that dinner – the kids won’t eat it.” • “I prepare two meals, one for the kids…” • “Can’t go there, the kids would be bored.” • “Can’t go out, our kids won’t behave.” • “Our kids won’t last through church – we have to sit in the cry-room.” • “Can’t come – our kids don’t do well in those situations.”

  8. Identifying a Child-run Home The underlying problem is never wanting to disappoint our children

  9. The Problem of Intimidated Parents • Dread making your children mad. • Say in your heart, “Please don’t hate me.” • Conclude most instructions with, “Okay?” • Strive to talk your children into obedience. • Become exasperated from “persuading” • Try to diffuse rebellion with distractions • Fear your child’s rejection after punishment • Allow your child to freely criticize & complain

  10. Keys to Establishing Control • Keep your objective in mind: maturity by giving them the ability to say “no” to themselves. • Require quick obedience: instructions given one time, calmly & clearly. • Teach them to obey w/o being told “why.” • Once your children learn to obey, teach them the reasons behind your commands. • Allow for respectful appeals.

  11. Incorrect Methods that Guarantee Failure • Giving instructions more than once or “counting” • Threatening to spank when your child is asserting his will against yours • Bribing for obedience • Allowing excuses for disobedience • Tricking or manipulating them into obedience. • Using “distractions” as a substitute for subduing their will

  12. Overcoming the Tendency to Raise Self-Indulged Children • Eph.6:4; Pro.22:6 The problem: resorting to punishment w/0 appropriate training • Consider how the Lord trained Adam & Eve in the Garden • We too, must use training sessions. Training begins at least by 6 months old. • Training is a preventative measure which teaches submission of the will. Psa.32:8-9

  13. Types of Training Sessions • “Don’t touch” • “Come” when I call • Don’t be shy. How to meet adults. • How to act in a store • How to act in worship • How to respond to parental commands • “Put that down.” “Stop.” “Sit down.” “Be quiet,” etc.

  14. Making Training Sessions Work • You cannot do just one training session. • Be sure to praise them each time they obey – they will find joy in pleasing you. • The benefits: • In minutes, they will be capable of obeying • They will learn to say “no” to themselves • They will respond to your voice at other times • You will have limited the chastisement needed in the future

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