Notes beginning 11.13

1. Notes beginning 11.13 Campolmi

2. 11.13/14 Objectives • Vary word choice • Use appropriate diction to create a narrative • Review test (analyze texts for tropes, schemes, diction) • HW due: None • Your narrative is due next class 11.15/18 • Tonight: Look at the wiki and print the appropriate amount of rubrics (whatever the wiki says—haven’t decided how many I want y’all to print)

3. Score break down • 9 = 20/20 6 = 17.5 3 = 14 • 8 = 19 5 = 16 2 = 12 • 7 = 18.5 4 = 15 1 = 8

4. About your timed writings • Some specific problems to address. • We’ll start with the basics.

5. MLA formatting • Your syllabus clearly states that everything should be MLA formatted. • Most of you did not do that. • What did I notice? • Students who did MLA format actually had better analyses. • My conclusion? These students are attentive to details and good at ensuring that the little things do not get in their way.

6. Ellipses • Mostly not using them correctly. • Nope: Good souls “ . . . have the usual features.” • Nope: Good souls “have the usual features . . . ” • Yep: Good souls “have the usual features.”

7. Ellipses • Good souls are “built after the popular design . . . they have the usual features . . . they offer no variations.” • That, my friends, is a giant fused sentence. • Good souls are “built after the popular design.” Furthermore, “they have the usual features.” This identification is concluded by saying that “they offer no variations.” • But that’s still weak because it’s letting the quotes do all the work. I’ll get back to this in a minute . . .

8. punctuating quotes • Yikes. • In “The Good Soul”, Parker blah blahblah. • Diction like “impassable”, “approbation”, and “generations”. • Punctuation like that simply does not happen.

9. Embedding quotes • Hey! Y’all did a much better job at this than A-Team! • Still, be wary of saying “The author shows that.” And “This quote proves that.” And “This author says.” And “In line 17 it says.” • Etc. • Embedding quotes is key.

10. Quotes that speak for themselves • Remember that really long quote? Yeah. Too long. • Try this instead: • Good souls are a “popular design . . . [with] the usual features.”

11. Quotes that aren’t explained • Parker uses diction to illustrate that the good souls aren’t good. The good souls are built after “a popular design.” This diction choice draw the reader’s attention to this passage. • The diction Parker uses suggests that good souls are just like everyone else, that they are “built after a popular design.” The diction here suggests that there is no special about good souls, and that they shouldn’t be praised. Thus, Parker’s perspective is that they aren’t truly good.

12. Draws attention? • The fact that this is a published piece of literature and you have to read it “draws your attention to it.” • That right there? That’s not analysis. • Strategies have to be used for something more than that.

13. Not identifying the perspective • Parker uses diction, tropes and irony to illustrate her perspective on good souls. • Ok. So identify what that perspective is. • When I saw something like that above, chances were slim that the perspective was ever really identified.

14. Lastly . . . • End this he/she or, worse, s/he thing. • Third person pronoun where no sex is identified? Choose either the masculine or feminine and remain consistent with your choice. • Masculine is usually preferred.

15. About your timed essays (“The Rattler” and “Good Souls) • Some things to avoid. • “Create a mental image” or “makes it easier for the reader to understand” or “the reader can better understand the event” or any variation of that. Just strike that from your vocabulary. It serves no purpose and means nothing. As soon as I write a story, as soon as I use words to relate something, then I’m helping “the reader see things from my perspective.” • So what should you do? Let’s say it sounds something like this: • “The use of simile here allows the reader to better understand the event and relate to it more clearly.” • Try: • “The simile showcases the author’s attitude toward the rattler, clearly indicating the potential danger to the audience and expressing the danger of the situation.”

16. More stuff . . . • “This allows the reader to see the theme” or “relates the theme to the reader.” Great. There’s a theme there. Show that you know what that theme is by clearly stating it. • What should you do? • “The author uses diction here to illustrate his theme and perspective on his encounter with the rattler.” • “The author’s diction choices clearly illustrate his respect for the snake and the potential danger that exists without immediate action.”

17. Some quick notes • Don’t define any term. You should assume your audience knows what a simile or imagery is and why it is often used by a writer. • So how do you do this? • NO: “A simile compares two different things. The author uses a simile to compare the rattler to a wire.” • YES: “The author’s use of a simile on line 12 compares the rattler to a wire in order to show that the snake has potential danger.” • Hurray for intelligent things!

18. Embedding quotes? • When embedding quotes, you have to uncapitalize. • The first violent image is seen when the snake is killed and there is “Blood in his mouth.” • The first violent image is seen when the snake is killed and there is “[b]lood in his mouth.”

19. More • Ellipses? There is “ . . . [b]lood in his mouth.” Nope. • There is “ . . . [b]lood in his mouth . . . ” Double nope. • There is “[b]lood in his mouth.” • Also not this: • The author’s first encounter with the snake is ominous and full of danger. “The other lay rigid . . . the head was not drawn back . . . [i]t was a rattlesnake.” • Grammatical laws apply to quotes as well, so that, right up there, is a fused sentence—er, sentences. • The author’s first encounter with the snake is ominous and full of danger. “The other lay rigid.” The snake’s “head was not drawn back.” And finally, the man claims that “[i]t was a rattlesnake.” • Spacing on ellipses? • There is “[b]lood [ . . . ] and poison dripping from his fangs.”

20. More mistakes with quotes • In “The Rattler”, the author uses tropes to describe blah blahblah. • In “The Rattler,” the author yaddayaddayadda. • The author describes the snake as “broken”, “twitching”, “snakey” and some other things. • The author describes the snake as “broken,” “twitching,” “snakey” and like that other thing that was probably said at one point.

21. Embedding quotes? • “The author says . . . ” • Or • “This is evident when . . . ” • Or • “This can be seen in the quote . . . ” • The author’s respect can be seen when he says, “I did not cut the rattles off for a trophy.” • Try this instead: • Respect for the snake is shown when the man refuses to mutilate the snake for the sake of a “trophy.” • Or • By “not [cutting] the rattles off for a trophy,” the man illustrates his respect for the snake.

22. Lastly • Many of you organized your papers incorrectly. • “The author uses tropes to build his perspective on the encounter.” • Then you listed the simile he used, the metaphor, the personification. • But all those tropes were used to show a different aspect of his perspective on the encounter! • Logically, organize it by theme. • “The author demonstrates a clear respect for the snake by using tropes and diction.” • It doesn’t matter that tropes and diction are two different things; they’re being used for the same purpose. • Remember, you weren’t tasked with listing the techniques he used. • You were tasked with analyzing how techniques were used to develop his perspective on the encounter.

23. Warm-up • Using as many authentic descriptive words as possible, write a paragraph describing one aspect of this room. • Do not tell what aspect of the room you are describing. • Let your details do the talking. • Or show me, don’t tell me. (That, by the way, is a comma splice. Little FYI for you.)

24. Objective vs. subjective description • Go to p. 136 and 137. Read through “Understanding Objective and Subjective Description.” • Define both. • What types of writing require the use of objective description and which requires subjective description? • Go back to your warm-up. What type of description did you use?

25. What is an Outline? • An outline is a way of organizing key ideas • An outline helps to set up your research paper • An outline is a tool to help revise an essay or research paper. • An outline can be a study tool to help you summarize key ideas in reading • http://ardreykellgraduationproject.weebly.com/outlining.html

26. An Outline Organizes the Major Parts of your Essay • Your Thesis Statement-The sentence that tells your reader your ultimate point and what they should expect. • You Major Points-The facts that you are using to prove your main point. • Your Supporting Details-The examples, facts, quotations, etc. that further explain and back up each major point. You should have several for each Major Point. • Your Transitions-The statement or information you will use to transition form one major point to the next. This stops your paper from sounding jumpy or disorganized. • Concluding Thoughts-Any thoughts that you would like to include at the close of your paper to wrap things up and tie it all together. NEVER INCLUDE NEW FACTS OR INFORMATION IN YOUR CONCLUSION!

27. Where do I start? • Gather all of your research or notes on the topic that you are writing about. • Review it all and decide what your research/information is telling you about your topic. • Form a working thesis statement that describes the point that you want to make about your topic. • Begin to select what information you would like to include in your essay based on what proves your point.

28. Your Outlines... • Due 12/11 to mentors and to me!! • Be on the lookout... • When you return from Winter Break your first 3 pages will be due on January 8th!

29. Let’s discuss your test. • A-team and B-Sharps both averaged out to a “C.” • That’s proficient. • Hurray.

30. Close and HW • HW: Review the checklist on p. 66-67 in your blue book. • I would probably copy that stuff down somewhere, but I won’t be checking that. • Use that information to revise a paragraph entitled “That Ambitious Dog” found on my website. • You should print the essay out and correct it in ink. You may re-type it if you wish, but I need the original that you corrected by hand. • Tonight: Look at the wiki and print the appropriate amount of rubrics (whatever the wiki says—haven’t decided how many I want y’all to print)

31. Objectives 11.15/18 • Edit according to MLA guidelines. • Write according to a pattern. • Analyze a text. • Take an AP MC test. Hurray! • HW due: Typed essays ready for peer editing. • Please hold on to your essay. Have it ready to go. • Vocab. Quiz 5 on 11.21/22!!!

32. AP timed MC • Time to do one of these (as it’s been a while) • Do this to the best of your ability. • You will be given 16 minutes to finish. • Good luck!

33. Review • Diagram the following sentences. • Today was an extraordinarily long day. • The small dog dug a hole in the backyard.

34. #1 • Today was an extraordinarily long day. today was day long an extraordinarily

35. #2 • The small dog dug a hole in the backyard. dog dug hole a backyard in small The the

36. Compound sentences • Treat compound sentences like two separate sentences: put them on lines with the first a little above the second. Connect them with the coordinating conjunction or the semicolon on a line between them connected to each predicate with a dotted line. • Boggs hit the ball well, but he ran to the wrong base.

37. Boggs hit the ball well, but he ran to the wrong base.

38. Practice • With a partner: • 1. Small children often are tired at night, and they become cranky. • 2. The ball was over-inflated, so it popped. • On your own: • 3. We walked the dog, but we did not go far enough.

39. Practice • Small children are often tired at night, and they become cranky.

40. Practice • The ball was over-inflated, so it popped.

41. Practice • We walked the dog, but we did not go far enough.

42. Complex Sentences • In a similar fashion to that of compound sentences, place dependent clauses on a separate line from the independent clause. Connect it with a dotted line to the word that they modify and write the subordinating conjunction on the dotted line. • We slowly entered the theater where Lincoln was shot.

43. We slowly entered the theater where Lincoln was shot.

44. Practice • The bill, which the house narrowly passed, was defeated by the senate. • Billiards is more fun when you are good at it.

45. Practice • The bill, which the house narrowly passed, was defeated by the senate.

46. Practice • Billiards is more fun when you are good at it.

47. Let’s review “That Ambitious Dog” • Compare your edited copy with a neighbor. • See if they found all the same mistakes.

48. Peer editing • Using the first rubric that you printed off (er, that I printed for you), grade your own narrative. Make any notes for yourself on a separate sheet of paper. • Meet with your assigned partner and follow the instructions for your peer editing workshop. You will be given twenty minutes to complete the edit. • Grade your own narrative first according to the rubric; score it on the rubric. Do not mark on your narrative. Then switch and edit your peer’s and please mark on the paper.

49. HomeWork • Read and take notes on pages 80-81 of your Patterns book. • Revise your narratives according to your peer’s suggestions. These are due next class.

50. Introduction: B Team only • I.     Introduction • A. Attention-Getter: Simply introduce your topic in an interesting way, without using a cliché or pitch • B. Content: Explain the scope of the content included in the paper. You will have an argumentative paper so there should be multiple perspectives that will be explored. • C. Thesis: Make sure it is a thesis following the format that we reviewed last week • D. Transition: Transition to your first body paragraph by very briefly introducing it. • PAUSE HERE: Hand out intro. Look at it. Hurray for me telling me what to do.