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Cybersex

Cybersex. For virtual cocktail hour Elaine Ducharme Ph.D 17 Parker Terrace Extension Glastonbury, CT 06033 860-633-9862. Statistics on Cybersex ( Cooper et al 1999-2000). 9-15 million people access internet daily Sex is the most frequently searched topic

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Cybersex

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  1. Cybersex For virtual cocktail hour Elaine Ducharme Ph.D 17 Parker Terrace Extension Glastonbury, CT 06033 860-633-9862

  2. Statistics on Cybersex (Cooper et al 1999-2000) • 9-15 million people access internet daily • Sex is the most frequently searched topic • Studies show that 70% of most e-porn traffic is hit weekdays, between the hours of 9 and 5. • 38% admit to explicit sex talk with someone online. • 31% admit to having a sexual relationship with someone they met online. • 38% admit to masturbating while online. Elaine Ducharme Ph.D

  3. Statistics • Recent studies suggest that approximately 200,000 people already suffer from this disorder, but warn that this may be an underestimate. • 65% of all cases of cybersex abuse happen to people with no prior history. • Cybersex compulsives reported spending an average of 35-40 hours per week online, with an average of 15-25 hours pursuing online sexual material. Elaine Ducharme Ph.D

  4. Statistics • Regardless of degree of sexual compulsivity, 6% of employees use their work computer for sexual purposes for about 1 to 10 hours per week. • 20,000,000+ visitors monthly on the top 5 pay porn websites. • 100,000+ websites dedicated to selling sex and 200 sex-related websites added each day. • Sex on the internet constitutes the third largest economic sector on the web generating 1 billion dollars annually. Elaine Ducharme Ph.D

  5. Opportunities for Certain Populations • Women • Singles • Gay/lesbian • Individuals with physical and emotional disabilities and physical illnesses Elaine Ducharme Ph.D

  6. The Triple A Engine • Three components combine to turbo-charge on-line sexual interactions • 1. Access • 2. Affordability • 3. Anonymity Elaine Ducharme Ph.D

  7. Different than normal courtship • Flirtations and innuendo, staples of leisurely seduction rapidly escalate. • Frank sexual discussions and proposals on the internet. • This shift evokes intense reactions. • The speed, magnitude and endless possibilities are without precedent. Elaine Ducharme Ph.D

  8. Addiction (Carnes) • A pattern of out-of-control behavior • Severe consequences of sexual behavior • Inability to stop despite severe consequences • Persistent pursuit of self-destructive or high risk behavior • Ongoing desire or effort to limit sexual behavior • Sexual obsession and fantasy as a primary coping strategy • Increasing amounts of sexual experience because the current level of activity is no longer sufficient • Severe mood changes around sexual activity • Inordinate amounts of time spent in obtaining sex, being sexual or recovering from sexual experience • Neglect of important social, occupational or recreational activities because of sexual behavior Elaine Ducharme Ph.D

  9. Feelings • Tend to have difficulty tolerating own feelings and reactions • Irritability, anxiety, stress and depression intolerable emotional experiences for addicts Elaine Ducharme Ph.D

  10. Chemical changes • Chemicals and intensity based behaviors, (sexual acting out, gambling or other risk taking behaviors) provide the means to tolerate and get through the challenges of emotional discomfort • Like certain psychoactive chemicals, such as cocaine or heroine, certain behaviors cause specific chemical changes in the brain that are intense, euphoric, powerful and arousing Elaine Ducharme Ph.D

  11. Chemistry cont. • Consequently, the person becomes addicted to the way this particular behavior (cybersex, shopping etc) can influence their own neurochemistry. Elaine Ducharme Ph.D

  12. Self Produced Chemicals • Adrenaline • Serotonin • Dopamine • Endorphins • These create a distracting and intense drug like state for behavior addicts Elaine Ducharme Ph.D

  13. Maintenance of Euphoric State • The cybersex addict maintains the euphoric state by the ongoing chatting, searching and downloading of images. • This continues for hours • The distraction keeps them away from other priorities, relationships and responsibilities • Often ends with orgasm Elaine Ducharme Ph.D

  14. A Drug Addiction • people addicted to sex, gambling and compulsive spending are drug addicted. They have just found a way to induce the chemical release within their own system rather than introducing an external substance. They are addicted to the mood/mind altering experiences. Elaine Ducharme Ph.D

  15. Consequences • Self-statements/promises • Time increases • Goal of all the looking, cruising, contacting and downloading often not orgasm…game over/trance ended and reality sets in Elaine Ducharme Ph.D

  16. Resulting Feelings • Remorse • Guilt • Self-loathing • Depression • The only way to feel better is to begin the cycle all over again Elaine Ducharme Ph.D

  17. Paraphilic and Nonparaphilic • Compulsive Sexual Behaviors (CSB) can be nonparaphilic or paraphilic • Nonparaphilic- conventional and normative sexual behavior taken to a compulsive extreme • Paraphilic- sexual arousal to atypical stimuli (a fetish is a type of paraphilia Elaine Ducharme Ph.D

  18. Defenses used bycybersex addicts • Minimization – “What’s the big deal? So many of my friends are into it, it’s harmless, I can’t catch any diseases.” • Justification – “It’s what single people do.” • Entitlement – “I work hard, give to everyone else, I deserve it. It’s my only reward.” • Rationalization – “I’m not having an affair like a lot of people I know. No one really gets hurt.” • Blame – “My partner is not interested in sex. If he or she was I wouldn’t need it so much.” Elaine Ducharme Ph.D

  19. Preference for masturbation • I can start when I want, come when I like and stop when I want. I don’t have to bother with foreplay, romantic lighting etc. I don’t have to guess what she might like, discuss it afterward and I can go to sleep when I feel like it! Elaine Ducharme Ph.D

  20. Consequences • Emotional • Self care • Relationships, Intimacy and Sexuality • Family life • Career • Finances • Legal Elaine Ducharme Ph.D

  21. Challenges to therapists • Few grad programs provide much training • Need to know yourself and your comfort zones with sexuality and vocabulary • Awareness that sexuality is a function of multiple influences (social, cultural, biology, religious, psychological) • Avoid assumptions…don’t over pathologize • Give self permission to have likes/dislikes • Personal history of sexual abuse or other sexual/relationship issues (transference and countertransference Elaine Ducharme Ph.D

  22. Sexual Disorder NOS 302.9 • Marked feelings of inadequacy concerning sexual performance or other traits related to self-imposed standards of masculinity or femininity • Distress about a pattern of repeated sexual relationships involving a succession of lovers who are experienced by the individual only as things to be used • Persistent and marked distress about sexual orientation • Not due to other medical condition, substance abuse or another axis I or II disorder (consider norms of gender, sexual orientation and sociocultural groups) Elaine Ducharme Ph.D

  23. Assessment • Full psychological evaluation • Sexual history • Good lead in statement • Don’t overwhelm patient in first session with sexual questions • Ask about masturbatory habits Elaine Ducharme Ph.D

  24. Screening for other CSB • Do you chat on the internet in romantic or sexual ways • Have you engaged in any kind of cybersex or sex via the internet • Have you had any anonymous partners or one night stands • Have you ever used the telephone for sex related purposes • Have you ever paid anyone to have sex? (types of prostitutes: male, female) Elaine Ducharme Ph.D

  25. Screening for other CSB • How many times have you been to strip clubs • How much money have you spent there • Ask about other sexual behaviors including voyeurism, cross-dressing, frotteurism, bisexuality • Are there certain times of day or events that trigger these behaviors • Look for patterns the client may not have noticed Elaine Ducharme Ph.D

  26. Sex Offending and CSB • Some but not all sex offenders have CSB • But most cybersex addicts do not progress to sex offending Elaine Ducharme Ph.D

  27. Treatment • Based on Relapse prevention model • This assumes relapse will occur • Internal controls • External controls Elaine Ducharme Ph.D

  28. Religious, Moral and Ethical conflicts • Monitor your own competence • Monitor your comfort level • Monitor your biases, values, morals and religious beliefs • Do you have a bias in the relationship • How do you handle secrets • Be careful about confidentiality • Know your boundaries • Point out any dilemmas to client before during and after conflicts arise • Problem solve with the client. Elaine Ducharme Ph.D

  29. Key warning signs • Minimizing the return to problematic situations • Lying to self or others • Skipping or devaluing feedback from others • Over confidence • Isolation • Blaming others • Feeling victimized • Ignoring previously agreed upon ground rules • Feeling entitled Elaine Ducharme Ph.D

  30. Summary • Recognize the impact of behaviors on the partner and family • Break through the denial that a problem exists • Stop the behaviors and associated lying • Stop blaming the partner • Learn problem solving techniques • Develop strategies for dealing with sexual urges • Defining and developing sexual health • Understanding and building intimacy and trust • Repairing the damage Elaine Ducharme Ph.D

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