CM 1240 Topic Three

1. CM 1240Topic Three Editing Business Messages for Clarity

2. In this unit, we will examine: • Using concise wording • Changing wordy phrases to single adverbs • Removing statements of the obvious • Removing empty of needless adverbs • Removing repetition and redundant words

3. The link between communication and success as a businessperson • If you can’t put your message into clear and concise terms, you cannot expect results to match your goals • One of the most important skills a manager can have is the ability to clearly express ideas, suggestions, strategies and tactics

4. The Communication Process

5. Have you ever asked yourself... • “What is he/she trying to say?” • “Where is he/she going with this?” • “What is his/her point?” • “When will this email/presentation/letter end?” • Or... • “I’m lost!”

6. This usually happens when people use too many words to try to say what they mean: speaking or writing

7. Why do we do this? • We were taught to focus on quantity over quality: • Essays (minimum word count) • Time specification for presentation

8. How do we fix it? • Be Concise! • The word concise means, “using less to say more” • ‘trim the fat’ off of your messages! 

9. More is in vain when less will serve.Isaac Newton

10. To be concise, learn to cut the lard in your writing. Needless adjectives and adverbs Redundancies Writing zeroes Needless passive voice

11. Needless words weigh down your prose. guarantee my opinion blended absolute guarantee my personal opinion blended together bright green in color bright green

12. Eliminate redundant words. alreadyexisting alternativechoices at the present time presently basicfundamentals completelyeliminate continue toremain currentlybeing emptyspace firstbegan had donepreviously introduceda new mixtogether neverbefore noneat all nowat this time periodof time privateindustry separateentities startout stillpersists whetheror not

13. Zeroes are empty phrases that add lard to your sentences. They contribute nothing to meaning. it is my intent to show that = 0 as a matter of fact = 0 as is well known = 0 it is noteworthy = 0 the presence of = 0

14. What else is a “zero” or a statement of the obvious? • I’m sending this email to notify employees of the new regulations. • Edited: • Please note the new regulations

15. Other examples of stating the obvious

16. Some zeroes can be replaced with words that mean something. at this point in time replace with now at that point in time replace with then has the ability to replace with can has the potential to replace with will in the event that replace with if in the vicinity of replace with near owing to the fact that replace with because the question as to whether replace with whether there is no doubt but that replace with no doubt

17. When you find zeroes, use delete. Vibration measurements made in the course of theTitan flight test program were complicated by the presence of intense high-frequency excitation of the vehicle shell structure during the re-entry phase of the flight. Vibration measurements made inthe Titan flight were complicated by intense high-frequency excitation of the vehicle shell during re-entry.

18. Our objective is to obtain experimental data to be used with a chemical kinetics model to explain the processes that lead • to engine knock. Needless adjectives create lard-laden prose. The objective of our work is to obtain experimental data that can be usedin conjunction with a comprehensive chemical kinetics modeling studyto generate a detailed understanding of thefundamentalprocesses that lead to engine knock.

19. Our success relies on understanding the complex processes that govern gas velocities. Many adverbs are unnecessary rather unique slows down well demonstrated unique slows demonstrated The achievement of our success relies very heavilyona rather detailed understanding of the somewhatcomplex processes that govern gas velocities.

20. Strategy for eliminating lard-laden prose. • Consider this sentence: • Wordiness is a word that is often used by many people toexpress the idea that something that was written by someone in a larger number of words could have been expressed in a smaller number of words (38 words). • It’s not difficult to make this sentence more concise, but I’m using an easy lard-laden sentence in order to demonstrate a strategy for revising prose to be more concise. • Use the following strategies when you have a more complicated sentence that is filled with lard.

21. 1. Remove Repeated Words • What does repeated mean? • Sometimes (in legal documents, for example), repetition is needed for clarity • However, when it can be avoided, we should do so

22. 1. Remove Repeated Words • Consider this sentence: • I gave the files to the file-clerk to be filed in the filing cabinet • Ah! Let’s edit that, shall we? • I gave the files to the clerk to be put in the cabinet. • Much better!

23. 1. Remove Repeated Words • Repeating word roots • Repetition is about patterns: if refers to the habit of repeating roots, words, or phrases needlessly • Example: • A)Repeated Root: We will meet for the meeting. • Edited: We will have a meeting.

24. 1. Remove Repeated Words • Example: • B) Repeated Word: • Our department’s managers should try to keep their managers’ needs in mind, when we are shaping policies that may affect many of the managers in the company. • Edited: • Our department's managers should try to keep our needs in mind when we are shaping policies that may affect many of the executives in the company. • Note: Notice how the word managers is repeated for clarity, but it unnecessary. It can be replaced by a pronoun or by a synonym (a word that means the same thing)

25. 1. Remove Repeated Words • Repeating Phrases • This is easy to spot as well and can be easy to fix. • Example: • C) Repeated Phrase: • This week, we will begin a progress report on the profits from the first quarter, to compare with the progress report of the profits from the last quarter • Edited: • This week, we will begin a progress report on the profits from the first quarter to compare with the one from the last quarter

26. Step 1: Identify Repeats (all forms) Wordiness is a word that is often used by many people to express the idea that something that was written by someone in a larger number of words could have been expressed in a smaller number of words. Eliminate what seems easiest. Wordiness is a word often used by many people to express the idea that something written by someone in a larger number of words could have been expressed in a smaller number of words. We now have eliminated 4 words – it’s a start.

27. 2. Converting Wordy Prepositional Phrases to Single Adverbs • What is a preposition? • Examples?

28. 2. Converting Wordy Prepositional Phrases to Single Adverbs • Therefore, a prepositional phrase is a phrase that results when a group of subordinate words begin with a preposition. • After the meeting, we will call the customers in Dubai

29. 2. Converting Wordy Prepositional Phrases to Single Adverbs • When are they wordy? • Sometimes a prepositional phrase can tell us about the manner of something • He edited the memo in a careful manner. • Remember these?

30. Step 2: Substitute Phrases with Words Wordiness is a word often used by many people to express the idea {means} that something written by someone in a larger number of{more} words could have been expressed in a smaller number of {fewer} words. Wordiness means that something written in more words could have been expressed in fewer. That move cut 20 words, so we now have 14 total.

31. Step 3: Eliminate Expendable Phrases and Be Specific. If the sentences refers to both writing and speech, then no need to specify writing. Wordiness means that something written in more words could have been expressed in fewer.(14 words) Wordiness means using more words than necessary. (7 words). Note: be certain the phrase is expendable.

32. Why Stop Now? Wordiness means using too many words. From 38 to 6 words. • When you first start editing for conciseness, it may be unsettling because a document you thought was finished may be reduced to little more than a few paragraphs. • When that happens, consider what you have not included such as specific details, examples, analogies, etc. and develop your writing to fulfill the intended purpose.