Communicating Effectively

1. Communicating Effectively Chapter 9

2. Learn to Listen.... • You don't learn anything • from hearing yourself talk. • from Love by Leo Buscaglia

3. 93% of communication is nonverbal • 55% through facial expression, posture, gesture • 38% through tone of voice

5. Nonverbal Communication • Shaking hands, posture, facial expressions, appearance, voice, tone, hairstyle, clothes, expression in your eyes, smile, how close you stand to others, how you listen, confidence, your breathing, the way you move, the way you stand, the way you touch people, color choice, silence.

6. People can think approximately 500 words per minute • And the average person speaks 125 - 150 words per minute • People can give their full attention for approximately 20 seconds

7. Communication… • Means to impart or to participate • Latin word • Imparts a message but also requires participation by both sender and receiver

8. Communication • Sending • Receiving messages • Verbal and non-verbal

9. 3 Habits That Discourage Communication • Interrupting with trivial questions • Giving unasked for advice • Topping someone else’s story • What happens when communication is a one-way process?

10. “I” Messages • Say how you feel • What you think • Don’t criticize

11. 3 parts of an “I” Message • I feel --------- • -------when you--------- • ------because-------- • No NEGATIVE feelings by avoiding attacks

12. “I” Messages…… • Focus on underlying problem and not on attacking other • How can your tone of voice affect what you are communicating?

13. Are people aware of their own tone of voice and body language??? • Deaf teacher???

14. How can non-verbal communication be misleading? • Rolling eyes, looking away (maybe just tired)

15. Ty decides to use an “I” message to tell Milos how he feels. He said, “I feel you were late on purpose, Milos. I think you owe me a big apology for making me wait so long.” Ty is surprised when Milos glares at him instead of apologizing. • Does Ty actually use an “I” message?

16. Right Tone • Words contain a positive message, but how he says those words are the key. • How can the tone of your voice affect what you are communicating?

17. Body Language • Person’s posture • Facial expressions • Gestures • Way of moving • Affect not only how other see you but how they react to you • Are people aware of their body language?

18. Eye Contact • Direct visual contact with another person’s eye

19. Different cultures have different interpretations • Arab nations avoid speaking to anyone with sunglasses

20. Arabic, Chinese, Latin America • Use non-verbal communication • U.S., Canada, Germany • Rely more on words

21. Managing Your Image • Good grooming • Good appearance • Good posture

22. Choose time and place for speaking to someone • Talk when other person feels like talking • Don’t ask parent a serious question when they just arrived home • Avoid times when emotions are high • Make sure person isn’t distracted

23. Messages Received • Active listening • Concentrating on what is said so that you understand and remember the message helps relationships helps you grow helps you know about your world boosts self-esteem

24. Feedback • Listener lets speaker know what he or she is trying to understand from the message being delivered • Interject comment in pause • Summarize what the other person was saying • Express your interest by asking questions • Show empathy

25. How To Listen Better • 1. Concentrate • 2. Listen with purpose • 3. Be positive • 4. Make eye contact • 5. Control emotions • 6. Keep an open mind • 7. Don’t interrupt

26. Why is choosing the right time and place important to communication? • Why should you listen with a purpose? • How can you offer feedback without interrupting the speaker?

27. Distances •  Intimate distance-no more than 18 inches apart •      mom and baby • 2. Personal Distance-18 inches to 4 feet •      Casual and personal conversations • 3. Social distance-4-12 feet •      impersonal, business, social gatherings • 4.  Public distance-More than 12 feet •      Public speaking

28. WHY DO WE HAVE PROBLEMS LISTENING? • Cognitive Dissonance, a psychological theory that applies to communication, states that a person feels conflict it they hold two or more attitudes that are in opposition to each other. One way people reduce dissonance is by ignoring the conflict that is causing the conflict.

29. Anxiety-Sometimes we can't listen because our anxiety is too high. • The Controlling Listener-always looks for a way to talk about themselves and what they are thinking about. • The Passive Listener-Exerts little listening effort-listen like a couch potatoes

30. Negative listening responses • Denying feelings: •   "You shouldn't feel that way. " •  Competing: •  "I had a situation that was much worse than yours." •  Evaluating: •  "Your husband doesn't appreciate the work you do." •  Being Philosophical: • "All bosses are hard to get along with." •      "That's the way life is"

31. Responding defensively: •  "Don't blame me, I told you not to.." • Giving Advice: • "Quit this job and get a new one." "Calm down" •  Defending the other person: •  "Well understand her side." •  Expressing Sympathy: •  "I really feel sorry for you, it must be awful." • Questioning:   • "What did you do to make him mad?"

32. Forms of Non-listening • Pseudo listening-pretending to listen • Monopolizing-Hogging the stage by continuously focusing communication on ourselves instead of the person who is talking • Selective listening- We screen out the parts that don't interest us.  We reject communication that bores us or makes us uncomfortable.

33. Defensive Listening- Perceiving personal attacks, criticims, or hostile undertones in communication where none is intended. • Ambushing- Listening carefully for the purpose of attacking the other speaker • Literal Listening-Listening only to the content level of meaning and ignoring the relationship level of meaning.

34. Positive Listening Response • Suspend Judgment • Paraphrasing/Restating: • "In other words, your decision was to..." • "Your fed up with what's happening." • Minimal Encouragers: " • Tell me more" "Really" "Go on" "uh-huh" • "Yeah" "I see" "That's interesting" Nod • "Please go on..."

35. Ask questions • "What do you plan to do?" • "How do you feel about that?" • "How are you working this through?" • "Have you just started feeling this way?" • "What are our reasons for feeling this way?"

36. Express support • "I can tell you've given this a lot of thought." • "I disagree with you but I respect your decision." • Reflecting • "You were pretty upset by this..." • Identify the emotion • "Are you mad at the situation or just a little discouraged?" • Let the person work out the problem-- • "What are you going to do now?"

37. Who you are  speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you are saying.

39. Did you know that Silent  and Listen are made from the same letters?

40. Language Riddles • 1.     If you went to bed at 8:00PM, wound the clock and stet the alarm to get you up at 9:00AM, how many hours of sleep would this permit you to have?

41. 1 hour  (it’s a wind up clock)

42. 2.     Do they have a 4th of July in England?

43. Yes

44. 3.     How many birthdays does the average man have?

45. one

46. 4.     Why can’t a man living in Winston-Salem, N.C. be buried west of the Mississippi?

47. He is living

48. 5.     If you only had one match and entered a room in which there were a kerosene lamp, and oil heater, and a wood burning stove, which would you light first?

49. Match

50. 6.     Some months have 30 days, some have 31, but how many have 28?