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How Not to Succeed in College

How Not to Succeed in College. 10 Sure Ways to Screw Up Your Future!. 1. Leave all your stuff behind. Backpacks are heavy! Textbooks are for nerds – don’t even buy them. Don’t review material and assignments. Dogs DO eat homework!. 2. Cram!.

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How Not to Succeed in College

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  1. How Not to Succeed in College 10 Sure Ways to Screw Up Your Future!

  2. 1. Leave all your stuff behind. • Backpacks are heavy! • Textbooks are for nerds – don’t even buy them. • Don’t review material and assignments. • Dogs DO eat homework!

  3. 2. Cram! • Don’t study until the night before the test, preferably after 11:00. • Better yet, study 10 minutes before the class starts -- you’ll remember it better.

  4. 3. Waste your time. • If you have an hour between classes, find a place to take a nap. • When your friend calls during studying, be sure to drop everything and go to the movies.

  5. 4. Don’t worry about notes. • Surely you’ll remember what you heard. • To a professor, doodling looks like note-taking! • If you do write something down, leave it a mess in your notebook, and never look at it again.

  6. 5. Ignore your instructor. • All professors are alike anyway. • Only people who have no friends get to know their instructors. • Don’t ask questions in class – you’ll show your ignorance. • If your professor is a few minutes late, head for McDonald’s.

  7. 6. Don’t send out an S.O.S. • If you are struggling or getting behind, you’ll eventually catch up on your own. Finish your video game first. • You don’t need the college’s free tutoring services – only losers do that.

  8. 7. Make school a low priority. • Your boyfriend or girlfriend is your #1 priority, then parties, then your job, and then college. • So what if you fail? It’s only money.

  9. 8. Give up easily! • If your car won’t start, go back to bed. • If it’s too hot outside, go back to bed. • If it’s too cold outside, go back to bed. • You sneezed! You should go back to bed.

  10. 9. Skip class. • No one will know you’re missing. • You only need to show up on test days. • They don’t give pop quizzes in college.

  11. 10. Cheat! • It doesn’t matter who wrote the paper! • You’ll never be caught. • Professors don’t watch to see if you’re copying on a test.

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