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Parenting a College Student

Parenting a College Student. Gloria Saito, Ph.D., Psychologist and Clinical Director of Counseling and Psychological Services, UC Berkeley Susan Bell, Ph.D., psychologist and Coordinator of Outreach and Consultation Counseling and Psychological Services UC Berkeley. Letting Go.

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Parenting a College Student

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  1. Parenting a College Student Gloria Saito, Ph.D., Psychologist and Clinical Director of Counseling and Psychological Services, UC Berkeley Susan Bell, Ph.D., psychologist and Coordinator of Outreach and Consultation Counseling and Psychological Services UC Berkeley

  2. Letting Go

  3. Can you relate? Can you relate? 08/21/06 Jim Borgman's Cartoon Depicts College Students

  4. Developmental Issues for college students • Achieving Sense of competency • Achieving Identity • Separation/Independence • Managing Emotions • Achieving Intimacy

  5. Developmental Issues for Parents • Competence: Trusting your child’s abilities • Identity– redefinition of yourself, role change from caretaker to mentor/advisor/refuge • Separation– anxiety for you! • Management of emotions: how to deal with your anxiety • Intimacy– How to stay close with your child without being overly involved I

  6. Specific issues for freshmen • New freedoms and responsibilities • New and more demanding academic requirements • Changing relationships with peer family and self • Challenges to beliefs and values -- adjustment reactions are common and expected--

  7. Common freshman stressors at Berkeley • Built in Pressures: size of campus, competition, workload, uncertainty of expectations • 1st generation college students • Relationships or lack of • Living on one’s own: self-care, attending to academic demands without adult pressure • Residential Living: roommate conflicts • Disenchantment with college

  8. New challenges: what you might not have experienced in college • Diversity: heightened exposure to new beliefs, values, challenges to identity • Competition higher • Economic and political uncertainties • Technology • Drugs

  9. Coping Strategies for Parents • Recognize the feelings of ambivalence are normal • Allow yourself to feel • Make overall wellness a goal • Find a new creative outlet

  10. Tips for helping your child • Do stay in touch • Do encourage • Do be realistic • Do allow space • Do be prepared for change • Don’t panic • Don’t tell them what to do • Don’t take over and assume responsibility • Don’t insist on frequent visits or phone calls • Don’t press your child on what they will do after college

  11. National Trends • Increase in number of students who are struggling with serious mental health problems. --85% nationwide agreement -- increase in use of psychiatric medications from 9% (1999) to 24% (2004 -- increase in clinical depression – up to 200% • Increase in the number of students using counseling services --30 - 100% increase in utilization (Counseling Center Director Surveys) (Benton et al, 2003)

  12. When should I be concerned about my daughter/son’s mental health? • Social withdrawal • Marked change in appearance, hygiene • Excessive self-criticism • Tearful calls home outnumber the others • Talk of hopelessness • Excessive fatigue or lethargic mood • Extreme increases in energy, rapid speech • Inability to think and concentrate: dramatic change in grades • References to suicide or self-harm

  13. What should I do? • Listen • Express concerns directly • Encourage him or her to seek help • Tell your daughter/son about CPS • Look for leverage: health, career, academic • Normalize the idea of seeking help and let him/her know it is not a sign of weakness

  14. What should I do? • Seek professional consultation: call CPS • Whenever possible, allow your child to take the next step

  15. Counseling and Psychological Services (CPS) The facts: ---3rd floor, Tang Center (University Health Services) --- Open 8am- 5pm, Mon. – Fri --- Professional Counselors with expertise in college student issues -- Brief individual counseling for personal, academic and career issues --- Group counseling --- Crisis intervention --- Don’t need to have SHIP to use services --- Make appointment by calling or visiting --- Drop-in counseling for urgent concerns 10am – 12 and 1 – 4:30pm

  16. Resources for Parents • Letting Go: A Parents’ Guide to Understanding the College Years, Karen Levin Coburn & Madge Tregger • Empty Nest: Full Heart: The Journey from Home to College by Andrea Van Steenhouse • Your On Your Own (But I’m Here If You Need Me): Mentoring Your Child During the College Years, by Marjorie Savage

  17. More Resources for Parents • Don’t Tell Me What To Do, Just Send Money: The Essential Parenting Guide to the College Years, by Helen E. Johnson, Christine Schelhas-Mille • When Kids Go To College: A Parents Guide to Changing Relationships, by Barbara M. Newman & Philip Newman • Calparents.berkeley.edu: The parent liaison website for UC Berkeley

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