Jason Kahn Director of School Relations College Loan Corporation

1. Tools to be Cool when Others Act a Fool: Anger Management in the Financial Aid Office MASFAA October 2005 Jason Kahn Director of School Relations College Loan Corporation ®

2. About this Presentation • Purpose • Provide guidance and tools for averting, recognizing and managing anger • With other employees and customers • Process • Provide general information • Divide into small groups for role-playing scenarios • Summarize observations as a large group • Payoff • Better manage anger situations • Improve customer service and perception of FAO • Enjoy better work environment and quality of life

3. Are Students Less Civil and More Angry? • Generational disagreement about appropriate behavior is not a new concept: • “Children today love luxury too much. They have detestable manners, flout authority, and have no respect for their elders. What kind of awful creatures will they be when they grow up?” Socrates, 399 BC

4. If So, Why? “Without a sense of community and family, many young people lose the connectedness that fosters these sensitivities, motivations and skills. The result for these youths is incivility and apathy as well as a lack of confidence that they can make a difference to others and to the world as a whole. “Pro-social behavior is stimulated not so much by the traditional constructs of efficacy and locus of control but by much deeper sources - one's sense of self and one's morality, one's sense of connectedness to others and the sense of meaning that comes from contributing to something larger than oneself.” Sheldon Berman, Children's Social Consciousness and the Development of Social Responsibility

5. If So, Why? Students can “graduate from high school without ever having had to do a piece of work on which somebody else truly depended ... without ever having cared for, or even held, a baby; without ever having looked after someone who was old, ill or lonely; or without ever having comforted or assisted another human being who really needed help. “No society can long sustain itself unless its members have learned the sensitivities, motivations and skills involved in assisting and caring for other human beings.” Sheldon Berman, Children's Social Consciousness and the Development of Social Responsibility

6. What We Know About the Millennium Student • More racially diverse • More first-generation students • More lower-to-middle income students (financially needy) • More technologically sophisticated • More visually oriented • Staying connected is essential • More consumer savvy • Zero tolerance for delays *Source: Jim Black, www.SEMWorks.net

7. Why Do People Become Angry? 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

8. Major Sources of Anger Frustration, Powerlessness and Stress • Frustration • It is important to recognize the sources of frustrations to properly handle them – college and financial aid are inherently frustrating! • Changing your behavior is far more productive than trying to change other’s behavior • Evaluate your own attitudes and actions • Evaluate your office policies and procedures

9. What About Financial Aid Leads to Frustration 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

10. Another Major Source of Anger: Powerlessness • Powerlessness • Aggressive or passive-aggressive behavior can result from lack of control in an attempt to gain a sense of control • Genuine interest and frequent input and feedback allow for others to feel in control

11. Another Major Source of Anger - Stress • Learn to recognize signs of stress – both in yourself and in others • People are less likely to be tolerant, compassionate and patient when they are experiencing high levels of stress • Find ways to minimize stress • Be empathetic to the stress levels of others

12. Share Experiences with Anger Situations 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

13. Why Is Effectively Managing Anger Important? 1. 2. 3. 4. 5.

14. Why Is Effectively Managing Anger Important? • We’re here to serve – it’s our job (security!) • Unsatisfied customers talk and generate other angry customers • Minimizes stress levels for customers and FAO staff • Creates a better environment – proactive, not reactive • You will likely be professionally evaluated on how you handle anger situations • Challenging and satisfying to successfully manage anger – feels good! • And we need to minimize risk and anger to be safe!

15. Clues for Identifying an Upset Customer Your customers are students and coworkers

16. Clues for Identifying an Upset Customer

17. Handling Anger Situations - Students/Families • Use verbal and nonverbal clues to identify aggressive or passive anger • If a student is abusive, threatening or violent, act immediately and follow pre-established procedures • Acknowledge that a problem exists • Ask questions – learn about the situation before you attempt a solution • Diffuse anger by first dealing with the student’s feelings • Give feedback – sincerely, non-judgmentally restate the feelings you detect and indicate that you understand the student’s view of the problem • Reassure that you will deal with the problem immediately • Show respect • Empathize by trying to enter into the student’s thoughts/feelings • Be open to change and negotiation

18. Handling Anger Situations - Students/Families • Keep your demeanor calm and friendly • Sufficient distance • Open posture • Minimal gestures, smiling softly, nodding affirmatively • Active listening • Normal voice • Using “I” not “You” statements • Don’t take it personally and don’t get defensive • Let the student know that you are on his/her side • Try to agree on a solution • Ask for help if you need it – follow office procedure for escalating • Follow up as necessary

19. Handling Anger Situations - Coworkers • Act ASAP • Address the issue in private • Let your coworker talk • Respond to feelings first, then to the issue • Before stating your perception, listen to your coworker • Agree on something before dealing with issues • Express your perceptions in a way that tries to put you and your coworker on the same side • At the end of the discussion, check coworkers feelings • Ask your coworker if he/she is satisfied with the situation

20. When You Are Upset • Take care of your physical self • Regular exercise and eating right helps you cope • Try relaxation techniques – breathing, stretching, meditation, yoga • Take care of your social self • Friends and family who care about you helps • Take care of your emotional self • Learn about anger, yourself and others

21. When You Are Upset • Address situations in a timely manner and in private • Be curious, not furious – ask why • Know your hot buttons – know when they are pushed • Stick to the facts when addressing an issue • Watch your body language • Avoid rolling or squinting your eyes • Do not fold your arms • Do not avoid eye contact • Take a “time out” – go to the lounge or take a walk

22. Let’s Practice “I” Statements Student says I need to see someone now! • “You need to be patient and wait your turn” vs “I need to finish helping this student and then I will be happy to assist you.” • Student says “You messed up my aid”. • Co-worker says “Why do I have to do all the work?”

23. Presentation References • Student Incivilities, Terri S. Hamrick, Campbell University, Google it - hamrick incivility • The Bridge to Civility: Empathy, Ethics and Service - Developing a social consciousness in the young means engaging them in meaningful activity, Sheldon H. Berman, The School Administrator, May 1998, http://www.bridges4kids.org/articles/4-03/SchoolAd5-98.html • Guide to Dealing with Unhappy Students and Upset Parents, www.FastWeb.com • Dealing With Angry Employees, Bacal & Associates, http://www.work911.com/conflict/carticles/angrye.htm

24. Contact Information Jason Kahn Director, School Relations College Loan Corporation Office: 781.558.1605 Cell: 781.856.2652