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Attending to Matters of the heart

Understanding God’s Gift of Emotions. Attending to Matters of the heart. Understanding God’s Gift of Emotions. Attending to matters of the heart. Understanding God’s Gift of Emotions. Attending to matters of the heart. Understanding God’s Gift of Emotions. Attending to matters of the heart.

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Attending to Matters of the heart

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  1. Understanding God’s Gift of Emotions Attending to Matters of the heart

  2. Understanding God’s Gift of Emotions Attending to matters of the heart

  3. Understanding God’s Gift of Emotions Attending to matters of the heart

  4. Understanding God’s Gift of Emotions Attending to matters of the heart

  5. Understanding God’s Gift of Emotions Attending to matters of the heart

  6. Today’s themes • The value of awareness of our feelings • The value of wise expression of our feelings

  7. missionary experience • Change • Loss • Pressure – demands – difficulties • Danger • Conflict • Joy of knowing God and living out his purposes

  8. What are emotions? • Sad • Glad • Mad • Bad • Afraid

  9. Everyday experience OF Feelings • Feelings are instantly triggered by perception • Memory, event, or situation • Quicker than rational thought • For example, fight or flight response • Feelings can also follow thoughts • In moments of reflection • For example, embarrassment, gratitude, etc. • Influenced by rational thought

  10. Everyday experience OF Feelings • Emotions by their nature focus on the present • Color the present • Guide action toward immediate goals • Are influenced by the past… • Remembering generates emotion • And are influenced by anticipation of the future • Concern for what might happen, worry

  11. A definition • Emotion: • A feeling and its thoughts; • mind and body states; • and the tendency to act.

  12. belief/thought behavior/motivation physical state feeling Understanding emotion

  13. personality mood emotion Putting emotions into perspective Fleeting More enduring

  14. Everyday experience of feelings • Our emotions are like waves • Face into them and let them run their course

  15. Everyday experience of feelings • Feelings are powerful • Too powerful to stay bottled or stuffed • If clogged… • Emotional pipes tend to leak or burst

  16. Leaks and bursts • Body language • Tone of voice • Sarcasm • Impatience • Defensiveness • Explosions of anger or tears • “Walking on eggshells”

  17. A Biblical perspective on emotions

  18. Unbiblical view • Out of concern for sin, we may be wary of feelings … • … and perhaps conclude we shouldn’t have feelings.

  19. Small groups • Discuss Bible verses • Group 1: Gen. 6:5-6, Ex. 34:14, I Kings 11:7-10, Ps. 149:4, Eph. 4:30, Heb. 12:2 • Group 2: Mt. 26:37-38, Mark 3:5, 10:14, Jn. 11:34-35, Jn. 15:10-11 • Group 3: Ps. 25:16-18, Ps. 43:5, 2 Cor. 1:7-9 2, Phil. 4:10-12, 3 Jn. 1:4 • Group 4: Ps. 56:3; Ps.62:8; Lam. 2:19a; Ro. 12:9, 15; Phil. 4:4, 6-7 • Why are these in the Bible? What might God want us to learn about emotion?

  20. Guarding your heart

  21. Proverbs 4:23 • “Guard your heart above all else, for it is the source of life.” (Holman Christian Standard Bible) • What is your heart? • What are you guarding it from? • Discuss this in pairs or triads

  22. Guarding your heart

  23. Strategies for guarding your heart • Spiritual disciplines: • Intake of the Word • Prayer • Fellowship and accountability • Desiring what God desires • Dealing with sin • These disciplines and others are critical to emotionally-healthy spirituality.

  24. Guarding your heart • … Does not mean becoming un-emotional • like Spock • … But rather becoming fully human • like Jesus

  25. Emotional intelligence

  26. Improving your emotional intelligence • Strategies for getting smarter : • Hearing feelings • Heeding warning signs and managing stress • Expressing feelings constructively

  27. 1. Hear your feelings • An exercise to make sense of emotion • Check-in with yourself: • “(Today) I feel…” • “When I feel this way, the thoughts that go through my head are…” • “When I feel this way and think these thoughts, what I want to do is…” and/or “how I feel in my body is…”

  28. Hear your feelings

  29. Acknowledge those feelings • Acknowledging the reality of our feelings is the first step in choosing a healthy response. • “Surely you desire truth in the inner parts; you teach me wisdom in the inmost place.” • Psalm 51:6

  30. 2. Heed warning signals • Some reactions to stress: • Foot on the gas • Heated, angry, can’t sit still • Foot on the brake • Shut down, depressed, withdrawn • Foot on both gas and brake • Tense and frozen

  31. Reality My feelings Emotional intelligence • Feelings can feel like the whole of reality, yet they are only a part of reality.

  32. Emotional intelligence • Manage “Foot on the gas” • Slow down • Calm and soothe • Manage “Foot on the brake” • Speed up to get unstuck • Physically move

  33. Emotional Intelligence & community • God is relational and we are made in his image – for relationships • Honestly connect • Provides support and feedback from others • Danger in isolating • Get help when needed • Member care or counseling support

  34. 3. Express feelings constructively • How can we share our emotions with others? • Consider your motive and purpose. • Don’t tear others down. • Do build others up.

  35. 3. Express feelings constructively • Don’t tear others down • Anger escalating • Blame • Making others responsible for your feelings and actions • Complaining • Stuck in misery • Defensiveness • Take responsibility for your feelings

  36. 3. Express feelings constructively • Do build others up in love • Share your feelings with skill • Own and work your feelings into conversation • sad/mad/glad/bad/afraid • Not “I feel you are unreasonable” • Use “I” statements • Rather than “You make me mad” • Try “I feel angry because …”

  37. XYZ formula • (X) When ______________ happens, • or When you ______________, • (Y) I feel ___________ . • (Z) I need ____________ • or I want ___________.

  38. Express feelings constructively • When responding to the sharing of feelings, give the gift of ACKNOWLEDGEMENT • You don’t have to agree! • Three levels of acknowledgement: • “I can see how you think that way.” • “I can see how you feel that way.” • “You are right.” (Most powerful.)

  39. Attending to matters of the heart • Benefits of awareness and wise expression of our feelings • Authentic spirituality • Intimacy with others • Effective communication and conflict resolution • Longevity in ministry • Averting burnout • Short accounts

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