BMS Parent Seminar

1. BMS Parent Seminar Briefing on the Latest Trends Presented by BMS PTO

2. Special Thanks to our Presenters • Jason Caudill, BMS Assistant Principal • Carrie Washburn & David Leland, BMS Counselors • Det. Jon Byrd, Juvenile Officer • Charlotte Parsons, The Art of Positive Parenting

3. Social Media

4. Social Media • Social Media is neither inherently good or bad • Students use social media to: Socialize with peers, Investigate the world, Try on identities, and Establish independence • You should establish guidelines for it’s use (time limits, shared passwords, etc.)

5. Suggested Guidelines • All profiles must be set to private! • Know your child’s passwords/ accounts • Monitor regularly • Keep electronic devices in family spaces • Never meet someone in person • No personal identifiers

6. Chatroulette South Park ChatRoulette http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=cWEWCWljaBU

7. Types of “Cyberbullying” • Context matters • Negative Interactions: • Two-sided, back-and-forth • One-sided, rumor spreading • Impersonation • Stalking • Exclusion

8. Sexting Mom Loses Daughter Over ‘Sexting’ http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VLTj3WBmY1k

9. What to do • Do not respond • Save the evidence • Share with an adult • Report to Police • If it happens at school or school function, school can discipline

10. District Website Report goes to Superintendent and Principal

11. Cyber-Crime • Telecommunications Harassment • ORC 2917.21 (B) – No person shall make or cause to be made a telecommunication, or permit a telecommunication to be made from a telecommunications device under the person’s control, with the purpose to abuse, threaten, or harass another person. • Penalty: First offense M1; F5 on each subsequent offense • Definition of telecommunication device (ORC 2913.01): Any instrument, equipment, machine, or other device that facilitates telecommunication; including but not limited to, a computer, computer network, telephone, cell phone, personal communications device….

12. Cyber-Crime (con’t) • Pandering Obscenity Involving A Minor • ORC 2907.321 (A) - No person with knowledge of the character of the material or performance involved, shall do any of the following: • (5) Buy, procure, posses, or control any obscene material that has a minor as one of its participants • Penalty: F4 • Definitions (ORC 2907.01) • (J) Material means any book, magazine, newspaper, pamphlet, poster, print, picture, figure, image, description, motion picture film, … or other tangible thing capable of arousing interest through sight, sound or touch and includes an image or text appearing on a computer monitor, television screen, …, or similar device • (M) Minor means any person under the age of eighteen

13. Never Share • Personal Information • Name, Age, Birthday, Phone Number, School • Photos or Videos • with Identifying Information • Provocative poses/ Too much skin • Once it is online, you have no control over it

14. Warning Signs • Predators will try to: • Establish a relationship • Isolate from family and friends • Turn against parents • Keep secrets • Send inappropriate material/ explicit conversations • Make threats

15. What is the Reality in Bexley? • Most students maintain a “digital presence” • Students are very interconnected (lots of friends) • Parents are not monitoring

16. Relationships & Sex

17. Developmental Changes • Brain: executive skills are still in the early stages of development • Time management, organization, short-term memory, goal setting, initiation, self-restraint • Hormones: testosterone (males) and estrogen (females) are increasing and creating rapid change • Cognitive Processing: beginning to view the abstract realities of the world and how they fit with the concrete realities they currently understand

18. Developmental Changes Everythings Amazing & Nobodys Happy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8r1CZTLk-Gk

19. Developmental Suggestions • Sleep, routine within each day • De-personalize the teenager’s reaction • ‘Hear the concern without the tone’ • Have a dialogue about sex, not a lecture • Develop strategies to enhance communicate with one another • Regular, two-way communication about what is working as well as what isn’t working • Realize the importance of just listening • Be involved without being overbearing

20. Relationship with… • Myself • Self-Concept: Who am I? • the need to create our own identity while not appearing different from our peers (fit in) • Need to explore variety of interests • Where are my strengths? • Parents • Desire for independence and equally continued affirmation from parents and peers • Enhanced need for trust and mutual respect • Peers • What do I value and believe in? • What is a healthy friendship look like? • ‘Is your friend willing to look after your best interest?’

21. Relationship Ideas & Suggestions • Myself • The value of standing firm in who they are “In life, it’s not what you are that holds you back, it’s what you think you are.” • Parents • Establish goals (short-term and long-term) and following through on the outcome • Short-term: video game for 1st quarter A’s • Long-term: go on a trip, go to a camp, etc. • Share the vision and embrace the tension • If we expect our kids to share and expression thoughts, ideas and emotions, it is likely we will need to challenge ourselves to do the same • Peers • Conditional vs. unconditional • Like vs. respect

22. Relationship Ideas & Suggestions Remember the Titans (Gettysburg Video) – Coach Boone’s Speech http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jw1I7wCpXiY

23. The Cultural Experience • ‘Sticks and stones may break my bones…’ • Face-to-face conversation • Email / Texting • Blogging • Phone • Willingness to say things to others behind the keyboard but oppose to in person • Understanding the intended and unintended outcomes resulting in how we interact with one another • Conflict resolution • How do I handle it in front of my child? • What type of dialogue have I had with my child about it?

24. Cultural Suggestions • The ‘Golden Rule’ • Common Ground • Communicating without judgment • Emotions rarely translate from one computer to another • I meant ‘X’ but he/she took it as ‘Y’ • ‘Save’ the draft and send it later if it still makes sense • What am I trying to accomplish by sending this communication? • ‘Create your environment, don’t just live in it’

25. Social Norms Secret Life of the American Teenager – Adrian and Grace Fight http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZUCDh3Je-i4

26. What are the challenges… • Students model the behaviors they observe • Students may lack the ability to anticipate consequences as well as intended/unintended outcomes of how they interact with one another. • When conflicts arise, using technology to humiliate and bully their peers, avoiding reprimand from adults and/or peers • Helping young teens understand a more normalized and appropriate picture of relationships, friends and dating.

27. So What is the “Real” deal for young teens? Girls : Relational, sensitive to appearance Focus on “Being like everyone else”. Sense of loyalty is strong. More overtly emotional and verbal. Needs are met through social inclusion examples: teams, outside groups, invitations to parties

28. Social norms Jersey Shore Fights JWWOW and Sammy http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=X8rTYeKsIy0

29. Peer relationships (cont.) Boys: Want to be included Less overtly emotional/verbal about feelings. How to be the “man” Uncertain about how to navigate friendships.

30. “It’s all about the group” How am I the same? How am I different? Likenesses Differences How do I satisfy my need for belonging, love and acceptance?

31. How do I satisfy my need for the sense belonging, love and acceptance? • Healthy ways: * Join with others who share the same interests *Create opportunties for those like themselves *Ask adults for guidance

32. How do I satisfy my need for the sense belonging, love and acceptance? • Unhealthy ways * Social exclusion of others as a means to inclusion of a peer group * Participation or creation of a clique * Engage in bullying behaviors

33. Bullying behaviors • It is about power and control • Fitting in and being accepted regardless of risk • Saving face • Recognition by others • Examples: Social exclusion at lunch or from group activities(parties especially!) Knocking books out of hands Shoving someone into lockers Threatening others verbally/physically Using technology : Facebook,instagram,Twitter

34. Bullying Behaviors Bullying Smackdown – Casey HeynedVs Richard Gala http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ID77k0f0lUo

35. Dating relationships • Starting earlier sometimes through texting or on-line conversations • May involve sexual activity too soon* • Teens often have a distorted view of healthy dating relationships • Don’t understand how to set appropriate boundaries with others • May engage in using drugs or alcohol because the boyfriend or girlfriend wants them to • May choose to be sexually active with multiple partners • Teens may not understand how to resolve conflicts in opposite sex relationships Examples: hitting, slapping, threatening other person to gain control Verbal abuse through name calling, and put downs, Emotional abuse Physical abuse

36. Social norms [Teen Mom2]New season http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yo7Hhp6Puk

37. Dating Violence • Mandated that schools address . Ohio has passed a law that requires dating violence education in grades 7-12. • Statistics from the Office of Adolescent Health

38. Signs of Trouble • Drop in academic performance • Less interest in being with others • More withdrawal from friends and family • Shows anger readily • Seems unusually tired • Dramatic change in appearance • Seeks isolation • Unexplained marks, bruises

39. What can we do? * Keep lines of communication open * Stay vigilant : ** monitor facebook and twitter ** check texting conversations and history on computers ** set boundaries with technology use ** talk to other parents if a party is planned. Make sure there is supervision. ** Check it out!

40. What we can do • Listen, listen,listen. • Have conversations before the trouble: If you wait until the trouble occurs, it is more difficult to address. Ex. Curfew, drinking/driving, boyfriend/girlfriend • Network with other parents • Provide mental health support if necessary

41. Drugs, Alcohol, & Sex Crimes

42. 2011 Drug stats • 10 cases involving underage alcohol possession/ consumption, possession of drugs/ drug paraphernalia • 10 arrests were made • 4 students suspended for being under the influence of/ possessing drugs at BHS • 1 expulsion from BHS for possession of drugs

43. 2012 Drug stats • 6 cases involving underage alcohol possession/ consumption, possession of drugs/ drug paraphernalia • 5arrests were made • 4 students suspended out of possessing drugs incident at BMS • 3 expulsion from BMS for possession of drugs

44. Reporting drug crimes • Report suspected drug activity AS IT’S HAPPENING • Report suspected underage alcohol parties • Give as much detail as possible

45. prevention • Educate your child through discussion, programs, social media, etc. • Don’t IGNORE the signs • Monitor telecommunication device usage • Talk to other parents in the community

46. 2011 Sex crimes • 9 cases reported • 7 cases involved victims 18 and younger • 1 case was presented to the GJ

47. 2012 Sex crimes • 8 cases reported • 6 cases involved victims 18 and younger • 2 case was presented to the GJ with one pending

48. Reporting sex crimes • Victims NEED to report to Police ASAP • Victims SHOULD NOT shower, brush their teeth, rinse their mouths out or drink anything, wash their clothes, etc. • Rape kits should be done within 72 hours of the incident to preserve evidence • Victims NEED a support system

49. Prevention • Educate your child through discussion, programs, social media, etc. • Monitor your child’s phone, computer, and other telecommunication device usage • Talk to other parents in the community

50. Positive Communication