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ELEMENTS OF A DOM/SUB and M/s RELATIONSHIP

ELEMENTS OF A DOM/SUB and M/s RELATIONSHIP. Stocsnbnds@yahoo.com Fetlife - Stocsnbnds. DISCLAIMER.

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ELEMENTS OF A DOM/SUB and M/s RELATIONSHIP

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  1. ELEMENTS OF A DOM/SUB and M/s RELATIONSHIP Stocsnbnds@yahoo.com Fetlife - Stocsnbnds

  2. DISCLAIMER This discussion is about Dominant/Submissive and Master/Slave relationships. We are not talking about other forms of power exchange relationships. There are other relationships such as Owner/pet, Daddy/babygirl and so on, that also have elements of power exchange.

  3. Defining a D/s Relationship • Power Exchange • There will be a significant amount of control by one person. • The exchange is typically not just during a scene. • There is a commitment between the people to maintain a relationship.

  4. Relationship Types • Master or Mistress/slave • Master or Dominant or Mistress/submissive

  5. What extent? • Part Time • Long Distance • Full time, non live-in • Full time, live-in 24/7 • Consensual Slavery

  6. The Hierarchical Role • D/s is a question of mind over matter. • Does not require dungeon or sex toys • Submission depends on his/her will to fulfill the needs of the Dominant. • The Dominant must be able to direct the submissive’s will with his/her own. • It requires much more mental play than physical.

  7. Know What You Want • To be served by another/serve another? • Is it fulltime? • Slave? • Exclusive relationship? • Is it just service and fun, or is a serious long-term relationship the goal?

  8. Qualities to Look for in a Dom • NOTE: Just because he/she is a good top does not automatically mean they will be a good dominant. • Confidence without ASSHOLE

  9. Ability • To control by will • To use toys safely • If the sub must tell the Dom how to dominant, they aren’t being dominated

  10. Observant • Creative • Loving/cherishing/Detached – You have to be able to “hurt” and “discipline” the sub when needed without love getting in the way. • Grateful, Courteous • Honesty, Integrity

  11. Qualities to Look For in a Sub • Pride in him/herself – no doormats • Respectful, Courteous • Intelligent • Honesty • Attentive • Able to perform tasks • Obedient

  12. Negotiation • Consent, Consent, Consent • Safewords/Limits • Truth • Interrogation – Lists

  13. Contracts • Do you have to have one? • What are good things to include • Behavior/Body Functions/Interactions • Public Behavior (Are there different rules/expectations) • Expectations • Rules, Signals • Rewards/Punishments • Terms and amendments

  14. The Collar • Earning it and/or the petition • Levels • Consideration • Training • Submissive • Slave • Play vs. Everyday

  15. Training(Beginning & Reinforcement) • Living Together vs. Coming Together • Punishment • Play Time • Protocols • Rituals • Greeting, separation, eating, play • Diary, journal

  16. Submissive Attitude • Dom(me) wishes are foremost • Attentive near mind reading • Intelligent vs. doormat • RESPECT – Self, your Dom, other Doms • Common sub positions (walking, sitting, standing, etc…)

  17. Dom Attitude • If you can’t control yourself you can NOT control others. • Recipe for failure – Making sub constantly do things they don’t want to just because you can. • Attentive • HUGE responsibility • Intelligent vs. Asshole • Accountability (Self and Sub)

  18. Punishment • The scene of the crime vs. the scene of punishment • Reserved implements • Not Fun and not a play scene • Impact, humiliation, deprivation • Should fit the crime • Working with anger

  19. Rewards • Praise, Praise, Praise • Special Names • Special toys or scenes (even if it doesn’t turn you on) • Added privileges

  20. Ending the Relationship • May equal pain caused by death • Kindness and consideration • Returning personal items/Dividing the booty • Returning the collar and other scene accessories • Try not to bad mouth each other • Be gracious when meeting • Don’t gloat to your former partner with your new partner • Keep the garbage off of the internet!!!!

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