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The Clinical Challenge of Marital Infidelity

The Clinical Challenge of Marital Infidelity. By Dale R. Doty, M.S.W., Ph.D. Christian Family Institute (918) 745-0095 daledoty@CFITulsa.com. Sequence of Therapy:. Preference for a 2 hour initial couple session The story. Initial Assessment:. Types of Affairs emotional "friendship“

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The Clinical Challenge of Marital Infidelity

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  1. The Clinical Challenge of Marital Infidelity By Dale R. Doty, M.S.W., Ph.D. Christian Family Institute (918) 745-0095 daledoty@CFITulsa.com

  2. Sequence of Therapy: Preference for a 2 hour initial couple session The story

  3. Initial Assessment: Types of Affairs • emotional • "friendship“ • casual fling • pregnancy, after the baby • grief affair • the traveling affair

  4. Types of Affairs • philandering affair(s) • sexual addiction affair(s) • Revenge affairs • “The Lifestyle” • Long term with or without children

  5. The Discovery The Decisions The Offender The Offended End the Relationship? Stay or Go? Grieve the Loss Tend the Wound Repentance, Remorse Humility Empowerment Forgive? Confession Manage Emotional Dysregulation Empathy for Partner Boundaries, Accountability The Relationship?

  6. Initial Assessment The Big Question: Is it over?

  7. “total amputation”?

  8. Initial Assessment The Second Big Question: Can this marriage be saved? • Is there remorse and empathy on the part of the offender? • Does the offended wish to explore healing and restoration? • The question of forgiveness??

  9. Initial Assessment Personality assessment of each partner • Disorder? • Capacity for change • Ability to forgive

  10. Treatment Planning: • Needs of the offended • Needs of the offender • Needs of the relationship

  11. Stages of Treatment Needs of the offender • Complete Confession • Grieving loss • Total amputation of the offending relationship • Empathy for the offended partner • Expressing genuine remorse, humility

  12. Needs of the offender • Establishment of clear boundaries • Increased accountability • Recognition of the factors contributing to the infidelity • Other possible offenses

  13. Stages of Treatment Needs of the offended: • Tend the wound • Reassurance • Expressions of Empathy • Support and empowerment to decide about the future

  14. Needs of the offended: Forgiveness ?? • Not a given • A process over time • Should not be rushed • A series of day-to-day choices

  15. Needs of the offended • Moving past obsession • Managing the wide range of emotions • Thinking differently

  16. Marital Therapy • Insight into the pre-affair marital dynamics • Level of intimacy • Distance / separateness • Building trust • Identifying factors which may have contributed to the vulnerability to an affair • Rules of conduct with members of the opposite sex (pre and post)

  17. Marital Therapy • Renegotiation of relationship ethics, boundaries, accountability, lifestyle, etc. • Re-establishing communication • Evaluating and treating sexual intimacy issues

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