Silencing the Negative Committee : Tools for Self-Validation Bonnie Faye Gibson-Brydon

1. Silencing the Negative Committee:Tools for Self-Validation Bonnie Faye Gibson-Brydon

2. We start by checking in with ourselves. What is Reflection? Nonjudgmental Focus on Personal Internal Responses What does it mean to be Willing, … or to Pause, Reflect and Breathe?

3. Our style and manner of thinking have undergone a revolution. We see with other eyes; we hear with other ears; and think with other thoughts than those we formerly used. Thomas Paine (1737 -1809) author of “Common Sense” and “Rights of Man”

4. Don’t know that you knowunconscious consciousness Know that you know Conscious consciousness Know that you Don’t know conscious unconsciousness Don’t know that you Don’t Know unconscious unconsciousness

5. In the process of listening no matter the years of experience, we can still mentally hold ourselves back from believing in our own strengths. Or we can remember tools that help to Silence the Negative Committee

6. LISTEN TO YOUR THOUGHTS What is the worst slam you have said to yourself? How does this make you feel?

7. “Unconscious” (1796) The term was coined by the 18th century German romantic philosopher Friedrich Schelling. Freud popularized the theory in US. (1930)

9. Unconscious memory does not think but does Respond to thoughts (my negative thoughts and others)!

10. Where are WE in our own process? Quantum Physics adds: What we see before us is what we hold truewithin us.

11. ONE expectation THAT DOES NOT WORK! I should have taken the workshop? I should have spoken louder…. I should have . . “Stop “should-ing ” all over yourself”(*workshop rule*) Presenting the “POOP” Award. To Should? or To Accept?

12. “The most effective communication of occurs when the message is sent in the “language” most valued by the receiver.”Gary Chapman, Paul White, 2nd edition The 5 Languages of Appreciation …

13. Let’s Reflect Breakout groups: Person A tells person B how they receive information. (2 minutes)) Person B tells person A how they receive information (2 minutes) Person A tells B what they heard (B) share Person B tells A what they heard (A) share

14. TEST: Reflection in writing • What is the worst thing you have said to yourself while listening to a client? • How many times have you used a demeaning word regarding yourself? • How often does justification come into your explanation? • How many times have YOU been put down? • How many times did you “put down” another? (even mentally – passive)

15. In this workshop we will practice pausing: • Reflection • internal • (5 questions) • external • Circle of influence? • c. Brain Forensics defaultsof blame. • “{I’m not}” “{They didn’t}”

16. “If we just recognize what we are doing, that’s enough. The energy will start to shift.” Lindsay Wagner, Energy Times, March 2014

17. Pre -Test 5 Golden Questions (pencils down, just listen – “wash over”) Do I know what I want to release? What do I want instead? How will I make changes? (game plan) What is stopping me from having what I want right now? What is my “unknown problem? …until we can author a new story

18. 5 Golden Questions • (journals out!) • #1 • Do I know what I want to release? • Be curious, keep asking, be specific…what brought you to the workshop ?? • We are hurt in our communities. • We are healed in our communities.

19. 5 Golden Questions (journals out!) #2 Heart’s Desire DREAM What do I want instead?

20. 5 Golden Questions (journals out!) #3 How will I get there? game plan - Evidence seen

21. 5 Golden Questions (journals out!) #4 What is stopping me from having what I want?

22. 5 Golden Questions (journals out!) Final Question #5 What is my unknown problem here?

23. Let’s Reflect Pods of 2

24. What did I discover thus far? What is Reflection for me? What are my Desires? What is Wisdom in application? What is my Passion?

25. break BACK IN 10 MINUTES

26. GAME PLAN: Self-Validation • (1) Reflection • (External - Comprehension Skills) • identify defaults of blame • define circle of influence • (2) Inquiry(Internal - Tools) • 80/20 ?TRUE? POV! HALT • (3) Articulate Wisdom(What was not said) • define intuition in comparison to inference • identify connotative influences

27. What are we listening to? How are we listening “to ourselves”? Internal chatter

28. CONSCIOUS MIND – BRAIN FORENSICS ReptilianReactive: flight, fright, freezeNO language. MammalianEmotion: Center of addiction. Learned Behavior No Language. Outer Cortex (Language. Default of Blame) Neo CortexLanguage. Reasoning. Inquiry. Reflection Bonnie Gibson-Brydon | Yellow Brick Toad

29. Relearn !? How do we Relearn?? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5c_onhzgvcY Commercial of father teaching child to throw the baseball.

30. TOOL Pause– Integration Overseeing brainstem activity enabling us to pause before we act, [to] have insight and empathy, and enact moral judgments. . Mindsight, Daniel Siegel, MD

31. We have another PERSONAL COUNCIL “circle of influence” Silently listened to respect and reverence ********** external chatter

32. Let’s look at the special • 5 individuals that are our “special council” & their role in our lives. • What information am I receiving? (energy & physical)

33. Circle of Influence: REFLECTION TOOL Mammalian heritage: We CONNECT(LEARNING KINDNESS) Journal - “A” – list…

34. Senior Citizen

35. Child

36. Role Model • alive or not

37. Spiritual Leaderseeing beyond the story

38. Professional Personal • Mentor

39. Look at your CIRCLE of blessings! What would you say to them? How do you encourage them? Would you say to them what you say to yourself? Use their vision to inspire distance. i.e.: Would I say this judgmental-ism to…who in your circle? Self -Validation Looks like????

40. When we are busy doubting ourselves, • we deny • intuitive • and/or inferential • LISTENING

41. I. TOOLS for confidence This mental negative committee tries to regulate how we react Inquiry (looking inward) How do we "check in"? Thoughts and non-manual behaviors do have an influence on our daily experience Integration of Pause … allows flexibility

42. Let’s Discuss: • Inquiry • (Internal -Tools) • Tools to explore: • HALT • 80/20 • POV • Is it true?

43. H A L T internal check in

45. 80 /20 Rule Tool of Reflection Step Physics / Economics POV 80% drama 20% truth What part of the drama can we let go of?

46. Tools “POV”(listening from within) Are you listening: objectively - scorpion Forensics: Facts only- (no emotion) Evidence – low energy Are you listening: spaciously-hummingbirdNotice: Above & Below – Protective of environment – high energy, cultureAre you listening: reflectively- owlFeel it: Intuitive - gut level - 80/20 – (wisdom - without prejudice) Are you listening: directionally-eagle Subjective: From their eyes- As they would understand - (from afar) Bonnie@legalinterpreting.org

47. Is it True? Define Intuition: Intuition is direct, unbiased perception that comes from unifying the fragmented parts of your awareness – body, emotions, mind, and spirit – and it arises when you’re focused in the present moment. Frequency,author, Penney Peirce Intuition can “speak” from different areas of your brain

48. Is it True? What was notsaid? What was Said? Intuition holds a very important rolewith our interpreting; likewise, INFERENCEskills are critical to our work. Let’s touch on listening deeper than the words. (+) (-) Still simply our “opinion” Opinions are the dismissingof Observation Willingness to believe there are OTHER options

49. Let’s Reflect Breakout groups: Starting with each suggested tool for inquiry… Share which tool is “close to home” Share NEW tool would like to try Role Play

50. II. Inquirytools (review)(looking inward) How do we "check in"? Thoughts and non-manual behaviors do have an influence on our daily experience. We will discuss objective critical analyses. Tools: 80/20 POV Is it True? HALT : Hunger - Angry - Lonely - Tired