Does a Good Man need a Good Woman?

1. Does a Good Man need a Good Woman? Simon Pellew, Time for Families

4. Prisoners’ relationships Relationships matter because: • It affects re-offending • It affects the children • It is treating people humanely (both prisoners and families)

5. Relationships key to desistance • In USA a study of 500 delinquent boys, from mid-1940s until they were 70 • Marriage reduces odds of crime by 35% (this may apply to stable cohabitation as well) • In UK, men who have visits much less likely to reoffend (rates 52% compared to 70%) “Your friends or me.” (Spouse of an adult offender who desisted from crime)

6. What is it about relationships? • Men need to be committed • Women control time and friendships • Change in male self-image – changing from a “lad” to a “family man” • New social networks It is not how many beers you have, it’s who you drink with that matters. Wife of a man who desisted from crime after she insisted he switch drinking venues

7. Concerns • Women shouldn’t be responsible • Domestic Violence

8. Difficult to improve relationships Relationships are a mess: • Poor communication • Lack of commitment (mainly by men) and especially in co-habiting relationships • Rows over parenting and money • Men very suspicious and self-absorbed

9. What can be done? • Improve communication • Increase Good and Avoid Bad • Increase Commitment • Forgive • Opportunities for talk, especially on hard subjects • Parenting Together • Families complex • Help them talk through issues, rather than man lecturing woman • Assertive Parenting

10. Talking about Money • Approaches to money (Tight – Loose, Material – Experience) • Meaning of Money within a relationship – especially who controls it • Coping with debt (especially for the partner)

11. Impact on relationships Measure Relationship Satisfaction