Mentoring in the Real World: How Social Ecologies Influence Mentor-Youth Relationships

1. Mentoring in the Real World: How Social Ecologies Influence Mentor-Youth Relationships Renée Spencer, EdD, LICSW ⎸rspenc@bu.edu European Center for Evidenced Based Mentoring Short Course Leeuwarden, Netherlands ⎸October 8, 2019

2. Tiffany and Elizabeth 8-year Match Eugene 1st Match: 2 months A Tale of Two Relationships “we just kept on callin’ and callin’, and nobody answered. So. We just gave up on him.... My mom said, ‘It’s okay. It’s not your fault’” “So, I was like really devastated” “cause he was like really keepin’ in touch with me, like most of the time. … he said exactly six weeks.” 2nd Match 1 year later: 3 visits “I was like, really, really so angry… I really had wanted to hit him but I was like, Naw, don’t hit him ‘cause it might be somebody else.” “I was like a terrible kid . … I was like wicked bad. Take tempers and stuff… I wouldn’t let kids touch me, talk to me, say hi to me or nothing. ….. I didn’t like teachers, I’d give them attitudes. Yell at them and stuff. …. ... and then … in 6th grade I started getting like honors and stuff. And doing wicked good...” “I’m glad she’s my Big Sister. I don’t know what I would do if she wasn’t and I don’t want to know.”

3. Dyadic Model

4. Systemic Model Agency Context (Keller, 2005)

5. Ecological Model Mentor- Youth Dyad

6. STAR: Study to Analyze Relationships • With Tom Keller • Youth-Initiated Mentoring (YIM) • With Jean Rhodes • Inspired by Sarah Schwartz Two Sets of Studies

7. STAR: Study to Analyze Relationships With Tom Keller • Funding: This project was supported by Grant #2012-MU-FX-0001 awarded by the Office of Juvenile Justice and Delinquency Prevention, Office of Justice Programs, U.S. Department of Justice. The opinions, findings, and conclusions or recommendations expressed are those of the authors and do not necessarily reflect those of the Department of Justice.

8. Goal: Understand match duration and premature match endings To prevent early match closures and support long-lasting relationships Design: Predictive data on all match participants (surveys prior to match), retrospective data on relationship and program experiences (surveys and interviews following closure) Study to Analyze Relationships

9. Study Design Match Begins Match Ends Big Baseline Survey Big Survey Little Survey MSS General Survey Caregiver Survey AIM Tracking (match record, SOR) Little Baseline Survey MSS Match-Specific Survey Parent Baseline Survey Subsample In-depth interviews Predictive survey data on all study matches / Retrospective survey data on closed matches

10. In-Depth Interviews *Only cases with all three perspectives retained

11. STAR Participant Demographics

12. Strong M-Y relationship necessary but not sufficient for match longevity • But, strong M-Y relationship unlikely to withstand disruptions in other relationships • Agency contextual factors (program practices, etc) play critical role in sustaining mentoring matches, as they influence all relationships in the mentoring system

13. Highlights interplay between macrosystems and individual or personal systems Social Class

14. In 1969, roughly 14% of U.S. children grew up in poverty Today, 18% do • Rates higher for children of color: • 34% Native American • 31% Black • 27% Latinx (Putnam, 2015; Economic Policy Institute)

15. Poverty affects key aspects of daily family life that others take for granted: Housing and job instability, financial adversity, food insecurity, child care obstacles, transportation, telephone disconnection, inadequate health care access, isolation • Many families are “low-income” and suffer same material hardships as families living in poverty • Material hardship has a negative influence on child development Poverty and Material Hardship (Conger et al., 2002; Eamon, 2001)

16. Own home= 18%; Rent=78% • Married/living with partner=27% • Single parent=75% • Average number of children in household= 2.44 (1.44) Material Hardship

17. F. Scott Fitzgerald to Hemingway: The rich are different from the poor. Hemmingway to F. Scott Fitzgerald: Yes, they have more money.

18. Affluent youth • Two to three times more likely to have a mentor • Wider range of informal mentors – more connections with adults outside family • Low-income youth want mentors • Nearly twice as likely as affluent youth to say at some point they wanted but did not have one Mentor Gap (Putnam, 2014)

19. People tend to .. • Date and marry • Live in neighborhoods • Attend schools • Work ….with individuals who share similar levels of education and income Class-Based Segregation Kraus et al., 2012

20. Upper Class Lower Class Reduced resources Subordinate rank Reduced personal control More interdependent – embedded in social networks that depend on mutual aid More other-focused Social Class Shapes People’s Lived Experiences • Relatively abundant resources • Elevated rank • Increased control • More personal choice • Greater independence • More self-focused & seek to differentiate self from others Piff, 2014

21. Stigmatization of poor and working class people • Poor people as “other” • Deficit perspectives of people in low-income families • Poor people as flawed or less than • Individualistic attributions for causes of poverty (lack of effort, being lazy, low intelligence) tend to be given more weight than structural ones (discrimination, low wages, poor quality schools), especially by middle class people • Tendency to see poverty as individual problem and to be pre-occupied with poor people’s behaviors • When structural barriers recognized, people also tend to believe these can be overcome by sustained personal effort • Deserving (children) and undeserving (their parents) poor • Stereotypes about the middle class tend to be more positive Class Prejudices (Cozzarelli et al., 2001; Lott, 2002; Valentine & Harris, 2014)

22. Implicit Bias Every middle class person has a dormant class prejudice which needs only a small thing to arouse it. George Orwell, Road to Wigan Pier

23. Marshmallow Test - Revisited https://www.theatlantic.com/family/archive/2018/06/marshmallow-test/561779/

24. Qualitative data from STAR • 36 cases from 4 BBBS affiliates (19 female) • Individual interviews • Mentors, • PGs • Program staff • Agency case notes • Analyzed all documents associated a case • Constructed narrative summary addressing mentor's attitudes toward SES, family context, mentor's interactions with family context, PG's experiences of those interactions and perceptions of the mentor • Coders reviewed summaries and discussed cases to identify cross-cutting themes as a team Analysis of Interviews

25. Class-based implicit (negative) biases on part of mentors at play in these relationship, in come cases seeming to contribute to their ending • Moralistic, parent-blaming view of youth’s circumstances • Lack of socio-cultural understanding of causes family hardship and poverty - even when given info about family circumstances • Youth as deserving, PGs as undeserving poor (youth a victim of circumstances created by PG) • Differences read as deficits • Feeling underappreciated - money and time • Some counter-examples • Mentors with shared background • Mentors who observed differences but did not read them as deficits Deficit View of Class-Based Differences

26. Sometimes tried to address this • Sometimes joined the mentor Program Staff

27. Mentors tended to blame the adults for their circumstances, which they thought resulted from bad decision making, personality or behavioral tendencies • “you know, a lot of times these children are troubled, they are full of issues... they don’t come from perfect family backgrounds; often the dad is never around.” • Mentors understood that youth were born into their circumstances and wanted to help them do better than their parents • “I understood what the issues were… They weren’t anything that should have been major road blocks in him growing up to be a good, successful person… They were things that means he had to work a little bit harder and do a little bit more on his own… He wasn’t growing up on the streets or in a crack house. He just had a mother that wasn’t, you know, could have been a little better, and could have been a little more secure in their household” • Agency note for this match: “[Mentor] is hard to deal with because he has a fixed idea of what being raised entails. [Mentor] presents as being unable to understand difference and poverty.” Youth as Deserving, Parent/Guardian as Undeserving

28. When P/G's struggled to keep up with the demands of the match, mentors interpreted the P/G's behavior as lack of interest in the match, not seeming to consider the impact of their context and daily lives • “When I called her … or texted her, I wouldn't get a response for a couple days and, and then it was a short response... I feel like she wasn't on top of it. I know she had a lot going on. She had three other kids to take care of. But I just felt like she wasn't really …. having his best interest at heart.” • Mentors sometimes also interpreted P/G's behavior as lack of engagement in youth's life or judged their parenting • "She'd been chased out of regular classes because of her ADD being out of control. [She's] being home schooled via one of the online schools... She didn't have consistent internet or computer access. She had almost no supervision during the day.... so this was where she was going to school. And so there was some discomfort in my world from that.” Deficit View of Parent Behavior

29. Mentor discomfort when differences highlighted in public • One mentor explained a story about when she brought the youth to get her nails done, but the youth's gift card didn't have enough money to pay for the services:  “I ended up having to pay for it, and I would tell mom …. you really got to make sure that [youth] has enough money to go on these outings”  The mentor added that she wanted to teach the youth “you need to make sure that you have enough money when you go places’…like I was trying to teach her like ….. basic social skills, and then she got teary eyed and she was like ‘I’m sorry.’ It was just like really sensitive.” Situations Highlighting Differences Read as Deficits

30. Mentors often interpreted these encounters as deficits, ignoring or not even considering other possibilities (e.g., developmental stage, experience) • Another mentor described addressing with his mentee’s hygiene, saying: “Just in the way that you know that [youth] was treated at home and stuff like that. I felt like a little like he was neglected… I had to speak to him about some hygiene stuff that he was unaware of… I was there at the store one time, I had picked up the cheapest deodorant, it was the deodorant that I use. I was, "Oh yeah, smell this. Doesn't this smell good? What kind do you use?" He was, "I don't use any." I was, "Well, maybe you should try it out, you know.” “It smells good", you know [laughs] and all that kind of stuff. So I mean, that's fine… But I didn’t, you know his Grandma wouldn't buy him any.” Situations Highlighting Differences Read as Deficits

31. Mentors saw themselves as generous volunteers giving their time to help a youth, which was reinforced by agency staff • “I would try to think of [activities] that I like, and I would ask her what she would want to do, but there were only certain things, and all of them were things that involved money… I didn’t really feel like they were thankful.” • Mentors got frustrated if they felt the youth or P/G didn't appreciate and respect their time • One mentor had hoped initially for the kind of relationship where “I’d be walking into this thing and they’d be like, ‘thank you so much for doing these things,’” but instead she found that “it was all initiated by me, but if I didn’t initiate it, and we couldn’t do something, there were bitter feelings.” She goes on to say that “it just seemed like my time did not matter.” Feeling Underappreciated

32. Agency staff encouraged mentors to discuss money with P/G early in the match, but some mentors didn't feel comfortable doing so • Youth often asked for things (gifts, food) or expensive activities.  Some mentors were able to set limits with the youth, but others interpreted their behavior as "greed” • One mentor explained a situation where they got free tickets to a soccer game and free food:  • “He just wanted to know, 'Why can’t I get 3 of these? Why can’t I get this and that?' I said, 'You’re being very unappreciative, you should be thankful that we get these seats. Not many people get to sit this close. Not many people get to …. have these advantages that you’re getting, and that I’m getting.' I told him he was being ungrateful, and that he should appreciate it." • Mentors sometimes expressed a fear of being taking advantage of financially • One mentor felt like it was “expected, unwrittenly,[sic] to like do certain things, or like…it was expected that I would buy her lunch.”   Money Issues

33. Match Length: 2 months • Mentor: 38, White, Male • Youth: 10, Bi-racial, Male The youth was in the care of his grandmother, and had been since he was three years old, along with his siblings. His mother and father were in and out of his life. The grandmother is on a fixed income and recently obtained the youth’s 1 ½ year old brother to raise. The mentor makes a moderately high income in his work. The mentor and youth completed 3 outings, but communication challenges between the mentor and the grandmother posed a difficulty for the mentor, so he ended the match after the grandmother didn’t get the youth to an important bowling event because her vehicle broke down and the repair was not completed on time. Later it became known the mentor was going through a divorce. Case 1: Bowling Alone

34. Both Mentor and MSS blame PG • The mentor felt that the grandmother “wasn’t really having [youth’s] best interest at heart” when he talked about what he felt was a breakdown in communication with the grandmother. He said he was frustrated because the grandmother was the only point of contact in order to make plans with this 10-year old youth. • The mentor described the grandmother as “…not very organized,” as reflected in his having to “call three or four times before you’d get a response.” The MSS agreed with the mentor’s perception that not returning of phone calls was disrespectful to the mentor: “…these are generous volunteers…they’re taking time out of their life and schedule to help a child.” • Though the MSS knew that the grandmother was taking care of 3 children by herself, with one of them just over one year old, the MSS described her as a “pretty overwhelmed person who had a difficult time just taking care of her typical every day responsibilities.” The MSS further describes the grandmother as “constantly coming up with excuses.”Her “lack of organization made it pretty difficult for any match to be successful,” and concluded that the grandmother “pretty much sabotaged the match.” Case 1: Bowling Alone

35. Match Length: 12 months • Mentor: 36, Latina, Female • Youth: 12, Latina, Female • At about 1 year, M asked MSS about keeping the match going given that she would be traveling more frequently. MSS asked PG to talk with L about this. L decided to end the match so that she could get a new Big to meet her needs for outings 3-4 times per month. • The youth had a relatively stable home life. Her parents separated when she was 9 for a few months. The PG believes this greatly impacted her daughter because she was close with her other parent. The youth has been seeing a therapist to help her deal with her parents’ separation and their decision to get back together. A few times throughout the match the PG had her phone disconnected making it difficult for the Mentor to make contact. The L lived with her mother, father, and siblings at home. L was close and communicated with PG and seemed happy in the home. • Mentor makes a moderate salary and the PG income is below poverty level. Case 2: I wannabe like you

36. Mentor seemed understanding because she grew up in a household where her “mother had to constantly work in order to sustain the household.” The mentor saw the youth as motivated, not in a “youth-deserving-parents-undeserving” theme, but in terms of recognition of the limitations that need to be overcome as a result of growing up in poverty: “she came from a like a lower income background, but I think that she really wanted to get out of there and …. didn’t want to be like struggling like her mom …. so that’s why she was very into school and trying to be in a better place economically.” • Mentor struggled a little around money and said, “Sometimes [youth] wanted to do more things that cost more money, and since I always cover the costs” the mentor would have to explain to the youth that “…you know, that I have to pay for me and her because she never…I never made her pay for anything. Never did I make her spend a dollar.” The mentor said she felt like the youth understood this. Case 2: I wannabe like you

37. Mentor and youth were from similar economic and cultural backgrounds, which was experienced by all as positive throughout the match • All participants in the mentoring system spoke Spanish. • MSS was proactive in discussing finances and coaching the mentor to try to ward off any potential challenges or misunderstandings that could arise around the spending of money in the activities. • PG felt that the Mentor was successful because Youth aspired to be like her and “have a good job, have a car” the way that the Mentor did. PG also felt that the Mentor “was like a role model for [Youth’s] school education” because the Mentor had been successful in school and had a good job. Case 2: I wannabe like you

38. Match Length: About 18 months • Mentor: 32, White, Female • Youth: 9, White, Female • Youth struggled socially, suffered bullying (had IEP at school), and had received counseling and medication for ADHD and anxiety prior to the start of the match. Lives with both parents and a younger brother. The family lost housing a couple of years ago and had to live with a grandmother for a while. The mother was interested in mentoring because she felt her daughter needed more social interaction and the family was described by the MSS as “pretty isolated.” • Family was low-income, with both parents struggling with employment and housing – had lost a home and were living with family members. Mentor made over $100,000 in her work as a social services worker. • MSS spoke positively about the progression and benefit of this match for the youth: “….seemed like she came out of her shell a little bit.” The MSS said the mentor got the youth out into her community to have a variety of new experiences. Case 3: Mutual Respect

39. No evidence of Mentor negatively judging the family. Rather, mentor expressed appreciation and respect for the challenges in the family, and adjusted her mentoring approach out of respect for the parents and awareness of the developmental needs of the youth. • Mentor also felt it important to talk openly with family about doing activities with the youth where the family could contribute and not feel intimidated by her resources • Parents described mentor as respectful of their family: “she was just very respectful and you know, somebody knowing that we were the parents, that she seemed very inclusive into what any of our concerns may have been.” • MSS also expressed appreciation for the challenges and hardship experienced in this youth’s family. Case 3: Mutual Respect

40. What is it? • Youth identify adults they know to serve as their mentors • Program finds, recruits, screens, and trains adults and formalizes matches • Why do it? • Not enough mentors to meet demand • Mentor attrition • Premature match closures • Low to modest effect sizes of mentoring, particularly for higher risk youth Youth-Initiated Mentoring (YIM) (DuBois et al., 2011; Grossman & Rhodes, 2002; Herrera et al., 2011)

41. Recruitment • Matching • Parent/guardian involvement • Expectations • Relationship development and duration • Support provided and received • Challenges YIM Influenced More than just Matching Process

42. Youth voice and choice • Chose mentors they trusted, felt comfortable talking to, knew and understood them and their challenges and did not judge • Realistic expectations • Mentor commitment • Perseverance in the face of significant, but predictable, inconveniences • ”I’m up for anything but ….” • Mentor responsiveness and adaptability • Bridging cultural differences • Transformation of motivation Distinguishing Factors “[Mentor] got to know me …. She actually sees me, she doesn’t see some crazy little kid” “I think [mentor] genuinely likes [my daughter] … I think she enjoys spending time with [my daughter]. I think she does it largely because she wants to …. and not just because she feels obligated.”

43. Much more work up front • Helping you understand what a mentor is and how they can benefit • Supporting youth in identifying and selecting mentors • Locating and contacting mentors BUT …YIM Poses New Challenges in Implementation

44. Importance of accounting for and being responsive to relational and socio-cultural contexts • Calls attention to issues like social class, among MANY others - structural issues that drive youth risk • In case of social class, exposes a tension in mentoring: Importance of parents in the lives of young people AND perception (bias!) that youth in mentoring programs don’t come from “good” families or have absent parents • Increase likelihood of realizing promise of mentoring opening up minds of middle class volunteers that Jean mentioned • Mentors and program staff with a strengths-based view of the family more likely to engage families and youth in ways that support and promote the relationship Concluding Thoughts

45. Thank you! Renée Spencer, EdD, LICSW Boston University School of Social Work │ rspenc@bu.edu