Healthy Relationships

1. Healthy Relationships

2. What are the signs of: Healthy Relationships Unhealthy Relationships • Controlling behavior • Extreme jealousy • Explosive temper • Constant criticism • Giving orders • Using force or violence to solve problems • Possessive of time spent with family and friends • Treating each other with respect • Letting each other have different opinions • Freely voicing thoughts, feelings and opinions • Taking responsibility for your own choices • Freedom to spend time with friends and family

3. Healthy or Unhealthy?

4. Healthy or Unhealthy? Other examples of healthy and unhealthy relationships How are they healthy or unhealthy?

5. Relationship Abuse Abuse in a relationship is behavior that one person uses over and over again to get and keep POWER and CONTROL over another person.

6. Power and Control When somebody abuses, they DO NOThave a problem with anger … They want power and control! Cycle of Violence

7. Examples of Abuse? • Pushing, shoving, pinching. • Crossing boundaries, taking advantage. • Name-calling, put downs. • Threats, silent treatment, lying, spreading rumors • One person is always making decisions and not listening to other person’s ideas. • Always following you around, lots of texting or calling, showing up when you don’t expect it. • Hurting a pet to get back at someone. • Not letting you hang out with friends or family, or making them feel bad if they do.

8. Other forms of Abuse: • Constant texting or calling • Sexting • Checking up on you constantly through Facebook , email..…

9. What happens to me if I abuse my girlfriend or boyfriend? • Abuse is against the law! • If you threaten violence or get violent with your partner, you are committing a crime. • Anybody over the age of 10 who abuses their partner can be arrested for domestic violence. • Domestic Violence Crimes= Mandatory Arrest

10. Warning Signs • Extreme jealousy (sometimes mistaken for love) • Treats you like you “belong” to him or her. • Tells you how to dress, who you can talk to.

11. Warning Signs • Always blames somebody else for bad behavior, like it’s somebody else’s fault. • Thinks girls are supposed to be weak and need a boy for everything. • Thinks boys should be strong and in control all the time. • Makes excuses.

12. Warning Signs • FORCING anything (keeping you in a room, car, blocking your way out, holding you down, physical force against you) • Breaking things, throwing objects

13. Warning Signs • Explosive temper • Gets mad at small stuff • Unpredictable mood swings • Lying to make you feel confused or crazy

14. Saying NO! • Physical/Emotional Boundaries • It’s ok to say “NO” without fear of consequences. • Can you disagree with someone without fear of consequences? • Are you able to make moral decisions without fear of consequences? • Is it important to be able to say NO?

15. How would you help a victim? • Listen and believe what they tell you. • Don’t blame them or ask questions or make comments that sound like they could offend her or him. • Don’t say that their partner is a bad person. The abusive behavior is bad, but not the person. • Keep communication open. Always be there for them. • Offer to go with her/him for help. • Call the police if you see something dangerous.

16. How would you help an abuser? • Tell him/her that their behavior is not OK-it shows the person has a problem and needs help. • Don’t say that they are bad – only the behavior is bad. • Offer to go with him/her to get help. • Tell a teacher, counselor, parents, SRO, hotline. • Call the police. It may get them the help he/she needs.

17. If abuse is happening at home • Abuse between your parents or relatives is not your fault. The abuser is choosing this behavior. • Talk with an adult you trust. Ask for help. • If it’s safe, spend time with the victim - letting them know you are worried for their safety. Tell them there is help. • In an emergency, dial 9-1-1. • Call LEVI or Safe Shelter of St. Vrain Valley to find out about resources for ending the abuse.

18. Food for Thought • Messages in the Media can influence what you think is a Healthy/Unhealthy Relationship • Music and Music Videos • Movies • T.V. Shows • Commercials/Advertisements • Books

19. Top 10: Songs with Unhealthy Relationship Ingredients (2010) Song Artist Score: 0-50 1. Lil Freak Usher 47 2. Hot Tottie Usher 44 3. Love The Way You Lie Eminem (ft. Rihanna) 35 4. Misery Maroon 5 30 5. Only Girl Rihanna 29 6. You Love Is My Drug Ke$ha 28 7. F**K You Cee Lo Green 27 8. Deuces Chris Brown (ft. Tyga) 26 9. Eenie Meenie Justin Bieber (ft. Sean Kingston) 26 10. Give It Up To Me Shakira (ft. Lil Wayne) 25

20. Top 10: Songs with Healthy Relationship Ingredients (2010) Song Artist Score: 0-50 1. If It’s Love Train 45 2. Teenage Dream Katy Perry 44 3. Everything To Me Monica 33 4. Smile Uncle Kracker 30 5. If We Ever Meet Again Timbaland (&Katy Perry) 28 6. Naturally Selena Gomez 25 7. When I Look At You Miley Cyrus 23 8. Nothin On You BoB 22 9. Mine Taylor Swift 21 10. Just The Way You Are Bruno Mars 20

21. The Twighlight SagaWhat is Love? Obsession Possessiveness Jealousy Threats Pressure Stalking Mood swings Lies Isolation Changing who you are Orders and commands Dangerous

22. Teen Mom

23. Outlets for Support • Friends • Teachers • Counselors • Safe Shelter of St. Vrain Valley • Counseling, advocacy, safety planning, support • 24 hour crisis line: 303-772-4422 • www.SafeShelterTERA.org - Text: 720-340-TERA • LEVI (Longmont Ending Violence Initiative) • Non-emergency info and referrals: 303-774-4534 • National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline • 1-866-331-9474

24. Confidentiality Mandatory Reporters - Police - Counselors - Teachers - Doctors Non-Mandatory Reporters • Hotlines • Woman’s Shelters • Parents • Anonymous Reporting