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CHAPTER 2. Planning Business Messages. Business messages are different from college essays, term papers, and messages to friends. Conciseness and clarity count. Basics of business writing. ISTOCKPHOTO.COM/ZSOLT NUYLASZI. Following a process can make you a better writer or speaker.
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CHAPTER 2 Planning Business Messages
Business messages are different from college essays, term papers, and messages to friends. Conciseness and clarity count. Basics of business writing ISTOCKPHOTO.COM/ZSOLT NUYLASZI
Following a process can make you a better writer or speaker. The best business writing is • Purposeful • Persuasive • Economical • Audience oriented
Approximately how much time should be spent at each stage? 25% 25% 50%
Identify your purpose. Why are you writing? What do you hope to achieve? Analyzing Your Purpose and Channel JON FEINGERSH / ICONICA / GETTY IMAGES
E-mail Fax Letter Memo Report Select the best channel. Telephone Voice mail Meeting Conversation Web site
How important is the message? How fast do you need feedback? Is a permanent record essential? What is the cost of the channel? How much formality do you desire? How confidential or sensitive is the message? Select the best channel.
Primary Audience Who is the primary reader? What are my personal and professional relationships with that person? What does the person know about the subject? What kind of response should I expect? Profiling the Audience
Secondary Audience Who else might see or hear this message? Are they different from the primary audience? How must I reshape the message for the secondary audience? Profiling the Audience
Try this: You will enjoy total peace of mind with our affordable hospitalization plan that meets all your needs. Spotlight Audience Benefits Focus your statements on the audience, not the sender. Instead of this: We are promoting a new hospitalization plan that we believe has many outstanding benefits.
Try this: You may begin making purchases on your new account in two weeks. Develop a “You” View Emphasize second-person pronouns (you/your) instead of first-person pronouns (I/we, us, our) Instead of this: Before we can allow you to purchase items on this new account, we must wait two weeks to verify your credit.
These are better: You can now purchase HP computers at discounted prices. Quick Check Develop a “You” View Revise these sentences: We are now offering HP computers at discounted prices. We are pleased to announce that you have been approved to enroll in our leadership training program. Congratulations! You have been selected to enter our leadership training program!
Try this: I’m happy to . . . Conversational Language Instead of this: The undersigned takes pleasure in . . . We’ve credited your account for $250. It may be of some concern to you to learn that your check has been received and your account has been credited for $250.
Try this: Employees may use the Market Street entrance during remodeling. Positive Language Instead of this: Employees may not use the First Street entrance during remodeling. We can fill your order once we receive an exact model number. We cannot fill your order until we receive an exact model number.
These are better: You will be paid promptly once the job is completed satisfactorily. Quick Check State Ideas Positively Revise these sentences: We must withhold payment until you complete the job satisfactorily. If you fail to follow each requirement, you will not receive your $50 rebate. By following each requirement, you will receive your $50 rebate.
Quick Check Revise to create reader benefits. I have 15 different financial plans to offer my investors. You have 15 financial plans from which to choose. As a newly hired employee, you won’t have to drive to work for the first three months because you can carpool. We want all newly hired employees to use our carpooling program for at least three months.
Quick Check Revise the following to sound conversational. The undersigned takes great pleasure in welcoming you to our staff. I’m happy to welcome you to our staff. Per your request, we are sending under separate cover your May invoice. As you requested, we are sending your May invoice separately.
Some words and phrases convey a negative and unpleasant tone. They may imply a hidden message that the writer does not intend. Think twice before using the following negative expressions. Hidden Messages
Hidden Meaning You are careless But I don’t believe you You are careless It’s probably untrue I am right You are not smart You are at fault You are inefficient, stupid and careless
Try this: Have you called a salesperson? This alternative is wordy and calls attention to itself Inclusive Language Instead of this: Have you called a salesman? • All executives have their own offices. • Every executive has an office. • All executives have offices. • Every executive has his or her own office. Every executive has his own office.
Quick Check Positive and Inclusive Language Revise these sentences: These are better: Tenants may move in on May 1. No tenant may move in until May 1. Because you failed to include your credit information, we cannot ship your order. As soon as we receive your credit information, we can ship your order. Marcello Luna is the new accountant. Marcello Luna is the new Mexican accountant.
Avoid federalese, bureaucratese, and inflated language. Federalese: Each person to whom the request is herein addressed is henceforth solicited to submit, or to have his or her department representative submit, to the Department of Labor official described above, a comment on whether the proposed plan, in his or her considered view, meets the requirements of the 2003 law. Simple Translation: You may wish to comment on whether the proposed plan meets the requirements of the 2003 law. Plain Language
Familiar Words Avoid long, difficult, and unfamiliar words. Use short, simple, and common words whenever possible.
Spotlight Audience Benefits Choose Courteous Language Cultivate A “You” View Create a Message That Suits Your Audience Sound Conversational Use Positive Language Use Inclusive Language 0 Draw on Familiar Words Adopt Plain Language
Try this: Will you please complete this research by June 1. Courteous Language Avoid sounding demanding, preachy, or rude. Instead of this: You must complete this research by June 1. I am sick and tired of being the only one who removes jammed paper from the copier! Let me show you how to remove jammed paper so that you can complete your copying.
Quick Check Revise the following using simple language You may encounter difficulty in terminating the contract. You may have difficulty ending the contract. OR: It may be difficult to end the contract. As stipulated, we extrapolated the budget figures for two years. As required, we projected the budget figures for two years.
Revise the following using simple language Will you utilize workbooks during the obligatory training period? Will you use workbooks during the required training period? We anticipate that a majority of the alternative will be sufficiently fundamental to meet our requirements. We expect that most of the choices will be sufficiently basic to meet our needs.
