Meltdown! When an Employee Goes Ballistic

1. Tim Hast Encore Life skills LLC coach@att.net Meltdown!When an Employee Goes Ballistic Your Guide to Conflict Resolution, Effective Communication, Mediation, and Negotiation

3. Learning Objectives When Your Co-worker Is Having a Very Bad Day • Understand: What causes conflict • Discover: Why conflict often “goes south” • Learn: How to manage conflict • Practice: Listening skills for mediation • Take Away: Tools for managing conflict • One Thing I’d Like to Learn:

5. Turning Their Worst Day Into Your Best Day WHEN YOUR CO-WORKERS ARE HAVING A VERY BAD DAY….

6. Different personality Styles Anger Triggers HALT Fight or Flight What causes conflict to Go South?

7. Understanding Their Worst day Action: Think of an experience that you have had with an unhappy, upset, angry or even hysterical co-worker. Write it down. Please Share with your group… …. Question… ….

8. What Caused the Conflict? • Someone didn’t listen? • Someone felt misunderstood? • Different personality styles? • Someone said the wrong thing?

9. Things that make conflict happen….

10. Different Personality Styles

11. Personality Style Priorities Basic Need… to be adored towin to avoid pain to be right Wants… control recognition approval respect what Questions… who why how decisive enthusiastic listens thorough Strength… poor improviser resists taking a stand insensitive to others too impulsive Weakness… efficient interesting accurate Makes effort to be… cooperative results safety Provide them with… fun details effort face relationships Let them save… time testimonies & incentives assurances & guarantees evidence & service Emphasize your… options & probabilities pushy rigid vague Avoid being… defensive quick & goal-oriented fast & intuitive careful& people oriented unhurried & thoughtful Decision making… Remember their… goals future people process

12. Anger Triggers • Distorting what I believe about myself • Blocking my basic needs • Contradicting my deepest convictions

13. HALT! HALT: Which of these affects your ability to communicate calmly under pressure? • Hungry • Angry • Lonely • Tired = Danger, Stop, Think, Proceed Cautiously! How often do your co-workers come to work when they are hungry, angry, lonely, or tired…..?

14. Fight Or Flight • What is it? • What happens? • How Long does it last? • Things that trigger it… ….

15. Four Behaviors That Trigger Fight or Flight • Escalation • Invalidation • Negative Interpretation • Withdrawal

16. Escalation

17. Escalation • The conversation or conflict grows in intensity • Always goes from bad to worse • Triggers fight or flight • What is the antidote? • Activity… Escalation happens, please share • Look for escalation in this clip from Everybody Loves Raymond

18. Escalation

19. In Person, On The Phone, By E-mail and Text Messaging How might we unintentionally cause our co-workers to escalate?

20. What can you do when two of your direct reports are having a heated discussion that is escalating? Discussion

21. Invalidation • Emotional invalidation • When someone discounts your feelings • “Oh, that’s no big deal” • Antidote: Validate their experience “I can see how you might feel that way” • Invalidation happens…. Please share • Look for invalidation in this clip from Everybody Loves Raymond

22. Invalidation

23. In Person, On The Phone, By E-mail and Text Messaging How do we unintentionally invalidate our co-worker’s feelings?

24. Activity How might you intervene when you realize one of your direct reports has just invalidated another one? Discussion

25. Negative Interpretation • When you interpret someone’s words or actions in a negative way • When you assume the worst of someone’s actions without knowing their intentions • Antidote: Always assume the best until proven otherwise • Activity: Think, Write, Share: A time when someone interpreted your actions negatively • Video clip Everybody Loves Raymond

26. Negative Interpretation

27. Video: Don’t Jump to Conclusions

28. In Person, On The Phone, By E-mail and Text Messaging What causes our co-workers to jump to conclusions and interpret our actions in a negative way?

29. Withdrawal • Shutting down, or leaving • You might still be there, but mentally, you’ve beamed up • Antidote for Withdrawal: • Discuss at your table: What are three things that employees do that might trigger feelings of “withdrawal”? • Everybody Loves Raymond Withdrawal

30. Withdrawal

31. In Person, On The Phone, By E-mail and Text Messaging What might we do that causes a co-worker to feel like we’ve left them or withdrawn from the conversation

32. REMEMBER These behaviors trigger Fight or Flight

33. Looking Back “If… Then…” What Can You Do?

37. LISTEN Patiently Body Voice Mind

38. Turning Their Very Bad Day into Your Very Best Day Move…. Mirror… Breathe…. Speak…. Get them… Listen …

39. Remember that co-worker you wrote about at the beginning of the workshop? Consider what you could have done differently and how that might have impacted the outcome Activity:

40. Become a Skillful ListenerThe Secret Negotiators, Mediators, and Managers Know They manage Conflict; They listen and, They avoid Escalation Invalidation Negative Interpretation and Withdrawal

41. Skillful Listening • Listen Patiently • Listen with your body • Listen with your voice • Listen with your mind

42. Listen Patiently • Change your mindset • Don’t jump to conclusions • Don’t form judgments • Don’t work on your reply

43. Listen With Your Body • Communication 7-38-55 • The same goes for listening • How to listen with your body • What your body is saying • You’re not a gunfighter • Activity: “No Talking” Introduce yourself tell a little bit about yourself using only body language

44. Listen With Your Voice • Validate their experience “You’re feeling…” • “You thought…” “From your perspective it seemed like…” • Listening with words… repeat back • Listening with inflections…. “Oh”, “wow”, “uh-huh” “I see” and “tell me more…” • Reflecting: Active Listening • Won’t I sound strange? • Activity: Summarize This!

45. Listen With Your Mind • Words VS Pictures • Draw in your brain • Activity: Pair up with someone you don’t know. They will tell a little about themselves, you draw pictures to describe what you hear.

46. Video: How NOT to listen with your mind

47. Handling Other People’s Conflicts • Avoid if possible • Listen using your very best skills • Remain objective • Point out similarities • Root out miscommunication • Find the facts • Avoid blaming • Ask for recommendations • Follow up

48. Create Win-Win Solutions • Listen skillfully to all sides • Ask for recommendations • Express your appreciation for the information • Express your appreciation for the help • Negotiate • Follow up • This is the essence of negotiation, mediation, and conflict management

49. Listen to Understand Antidote:

50. Think Reflect Consider