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Treating Pornography Addiction: The Essential Tools for

Reclaiming Your Spiritual Identity. Conscience We are born with a natural capacity to ... Books: Confronting Pornography: A Guide to Prevention and Recovery ...

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Treating Pornography Addiction: The Essential Tools for

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    Slide 1:Treating Pornography Addiction: The Essential Tools for Spiritual Recovery

    By: Dr. Kevin B. Skinner, LMFT

    Slide 2:Objectives:

    Why Spiritual Recovery? Where did the “Real You” go? Overcoming warped beliefs—knowing the lies of the enemy. Reclaiming your spiritual identity. Preparing for the battle with the enemy. Creating “real” intimacy.

    Slide 3:Why Spiritual Recovery?

    We are born with high-self worth The Facts—average age of 1st experience with pornography (age 11) Researchers have found that the earlier the exposure to drugs, alcohol, etc. the more likely one is to develop an addiction

    Slide 4:Humans have created gods in their image1 (Durkheim 1972:43)

    Characteristics attributed to God—Common misperceptions of God due to child rearing practices. Researchers have found that “parental control and non-permissiveness are related to an image of a punishing God”2 77% of sex offenders report coming from a rigid home.3 (unreachable expectations about sexuality, extreme efforts to control child’s sexual behavior, and unrealistic models of appropriate behavior) 57% of sex offenders report that their family was disengaged. 3 (Sex a matter to find out by self, emotional abandonment, lack of physical or sexual affirmation)

    Slide 5:Understanding God

    Rigid/Disengaged non-nurturing, impossible to meet expectations non-available non-loving Affirming/Validating Nurturing Forgiving Available Loving

    Slide 6:Where did the “Real You” go?

    Self-perception becomes warped and we adopt or accept false beliefs: I cannot be forgiven I have tried to stop and cannot God doesn’t want me God won’t forgive me

    Slide 7:Reclaiming Your Spiritual Identity

    Conscience—We are born with a natural capacity to distinguish between right and wrong, due to the light of Christ that is given to every person. We have a faculty by means of which we can pass judgment on our own conduct, either approving or condemning it, so anticipating the divine judgment on it. This faculty is called conscience. The possession of it at once makes us responsible beings. Like other faculties it needs to be trained, and may be deadened through misuse. (Bible Dictionary) If one is looking for a happy settled, unchallenging life, one probably ought to look elsewhere. The development of Christlike qualities is a demanding and relentless task. Carlfred Broderick.

    Melvin J. Ballard wrote, “All the assaults that the enemy of our souls will make to capture us will be through the flesh, because it is made up of the unredeemed earth, and he has power over the elements of the earth. The approach he makes to us will be through the lusts, the appetites, the ambitions of the flesh. All the help that comes to us from the Lord to aid us in this struggle will come to us through the spirit that dwells within this mortal body. So these two mighty forces are operating upon us through these two channels.” The enemy of our souls is not content to win over a few souls, he desires to make all miserable like unto himself (2 Nephi 2:18,27). The adversary, with misery as his goal in mind, attacks our physical bodies through various substances, images, and scintillating media.

    Slide 9:Be Humble Be Teachable Let Him In

    —“Be thou humble; and the Lord thy God shall lead thee by the hand, and give thee answer to thy prayers” (D&C 112:10).

    The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit. Psalms 34:18 A BROKEN HEART AND CONTRITE SPIRIT

    Slide 11:The Promise of a Broken Heart and Contrite Spirit

    And ye shall offer for a sacrifice unto me a broken heart and a contrite spirit. And whoso cometh unto me with a broken heart and a contrite spirit, him will I baptize with fire and with the Holy Ghost (3 Nephi 9:20).

    Slide 12:Preparing for the battle with the enemy

    Admitting the problem

    Slide 13:Preparing for the Battle (Step 2)

    Reaching out and seeking help Talking with ecclesiastical leaders Seek professional counseling Attending groups Involving an accountability partner Involve family and loved ones in recovery

    Slide 14:Setting Up a Support System This could be a spouse, friend, family member, or someone else who is concerned about your progress. In your first meeting you need to discuss the steps you each plan to take and schedule a fixed date within the next few weeks (no longer than one month). At that meeting, come prepared to discuss your behavior and its consequences—for example review whether you accomplished your goals or not, evaluate your progress, and determine new goals for the next month. (Stanton Peele)

    Slide 15:Preparing for the Battle (Step 3)

    Gaining knowledge—”My people are destroyed for a lack of knowledge…” (Hosea 4:6)—learn how to protect yourself Be actively involved in your recovery. Learn as much as you can. Be actively engaged in a good cause.

    Slide 16:Books:

    Confronting Pornography: A Guide to Prevention and Recovery for Individuals, Loved Ones, and Leaders. (Chamberlain, Gray, Reid, 2005) Treating Pornography Addiction: The Essential Tools for Recovery. (Skinner, K.B. 2005)

    Slide 17:Creating “Real” Intimacy

    Intimacy is one of the highest ideals of the human heart and, as such, deserves the most exceptional efforts. Victor L. Brown

    WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO PUT INTO YOUR LIFE? Work Relationships Addiction Religion Health & Fitness Social Interaction God

    Slide 19:What Are You Putting into Your Life?

    Now what! I cannot believe I did it again. Guilt. Shame. Feelings of hopelessness. How can I ever trust him again? I feel betrayed. Will I ever be good enough for him? Trauma, fear, feelings of despair. Making the Transition: Betrayal to Trust No Secrets —If you lived honestly your life would heal itself. David Viscott Prayer Together Acknowledge their pain. Apologize often Continuous accountability Be proactive in your recovery Don’t rush your partner through their pain. True recovery is NOT rushed.

    Slide 22:Praying Together

    ESSENCE: Dr. Ronn Elmore, do you suggest praying together as well? R.E.: That's a wonderful, concrete starting place--there's nothing more intimate you can do than pray. It's where you speak to the God of the universe about the most important things in your whole existence. So to have a mate who listens in on what you talk to God about is a privilege for both of you.

    Slide 23:True Intimacy

    The lives of most people are histories of their search for intimacy, of their attempts to be socially, physically, and emotionally close to others. Victor L. Brown

    People who have intimate relationships have fewer stress related symptoms4 People who lack intimate relationships are at risk for a variety of ills4 Those lacking intimate relationships are more prone to experience depression4 Interpersonal conflicts may account for as much as 80% of people's daily negativity5 Intimacy—One of the early symptoms of deterioration is diminished frequency of eye contact between partners.

    Slide 25:Intimacy—In-to-me-seeIntimacy—In-to-me-see

    Slide 26:The Two Great Commandments

    Master, which is the great commandment in the law? Jesus said unto him, Thou shalt love the lord thy God with all they heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. On these two commandments hang all the law and the prophets. (Matthew 22: 36-40

    But if ye will turn to the Lord with full purpose of heart, and put your trust in him, and serve him with all diligence of mind, if ye do this, he will, according to his own will and pleasure, deliver you out of bondage. Mosiah 7:33

    Slide 29:Come Unto Me

    Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. (Matthew 11:28)

    Slide 30:References

    1. Durkheim, Emile. (1912) 1972. Excerpt from The social foundations of religion. In Sociology of religion: Selected readings, edited by Roland Robertson, 42-54. Baltimore: Penguin. 2. Potvin, R. H., Dean R. H, and Hart, M. N. (1976). Religion and American youth: With emphasis on Catholic adolescents and young adults. Washington, DC: United States Catholic Conference. 3. Carnes, P. 4. Prager, K. J. (1995). The Psychology of Intimacy. Guilford Press: New York: New York 5. Bolger, N., DeLongis, A., Kessler, R. C., & Schilling, E. A. (1989). Effects of daily stress on mood. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 57, 808-818.

    Slide 31:Additional Resources

    www.treating-pornography-addiction.com Free newsletter and content Downloadable CDs and Book www.growthclimate.com Assessing Pornography Addiction (test) Online community support Forum, chat, discussions with Dr. Skinner

    Slide 32:The Profile of Those Most Likely to Relapse

    Keeping secrets Limited relationship connections Chronic conflict: arguing and fighting Little to no social interaction—isolation Live for intense and extreme experiences Leaving treatment prematurely Inadequate preparation Ignoring emotional issues

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