Week 9: How do American parents divide the work of parenting?

1. Week 9: How do American parents divide the work of parenting? • Many studies documenting that women, in the U.S. and in the world, do more than half of the parenting, even if: • They say they believe in equal sharing • E.g. Hochschild, Second Shift • They work comparable hours • They make comparable incomes • WHY IS THIS THE CASE? HOW DID YOU PICTURE THIS IN YOUR MARRIAGE CONTRACT EXERCISE? Sociology 1201

2. My partner and I • Feminist movement and our Intention to share equally • First year after son’s birth: sharing the exhaustion, celebrating • Second year and move to Duluth: • Dad teaching and Mom in nursing school • “Momdad” Third year: the end of all our good intentions. Why? Sociology 1201

3. Halving it All: Francine Deutsch • Research method: Convenience sample of 429 couples, each partner working at least 20 hrs a week and with at least one child under 18 • 96% white • Religiously diverse • Averaged 2 children • Average age of children: 5 and 8 • Over-represent upper middle class Sociology 1201

4. Initial telephone interviews • Initial interview of 15 minutes with each partner(separately), mostly by phone • Key question: “Considering everything that goes into parenting in a typical week, what % do you do and what % does your spouse do.” Sociology 1201

5. Face-to-face interviews • Long face-to-face interviews(1-4 hours, avg 2 hrs) with 30 couples in each of five groups 1. Equal sharers, where both agreed 2. Potential equal sharers (at least one spouse reported husband doing 50%+) 3. 60-40 couples 4. 75-25 couples 5. Alternating shift couples Sociology 1201

6. Creating Equality at Home • Many of the equal sharers did not begin equal; even if they did, making a success of it required conflict and compromise. Must negotiate standards for what Hochschild calls “the second shift.” What constitutes good housekeeping, good meals, and most of all, good childcare. Sociology 1201

7. Fighting for equality • Dorothy: “I actually went on strike a few times.” • Roberta: “That is when we entered into our hard negotiations… I think I sort of learned to talk back—to sort of stand up for myself.” • Rita: “Of course we are always arguing about which way it’s tilted.” Sociology 1201

8. Creating Inequality at home • Denise and Eric • Eric: “I’m either more selfish or I just don’t have the patience.” D needs Denise: “I have greater needs to nurture;. Eric is more ambitious. “ (family myths: Hochschild) • Ethan and Peg: • Peg: “Sometimes I feel like I have no time for myself ever… There are days when I feel like I’m just going crazy.” • Ethan: “I don’t have the opportunity or the desire… If I come home from work at six-thirty, seven, I’m tired, basically fatigued.” Sociology 1201

9. Fighting against equality • A husband: “She probably won’t sit still on a Sunday… She’s not happy unless she’s doing something. I’m different. I can relax.” • “Carol works 52 hours a week and also does virtually all the housework. When I asked how her husband responded to her desire for him to do more he said: “I just chuckle.” • …she seems resigned, perhaps because his behavior seems so normal…. “I see it in a lot of the guys.” Sociology 1201

10. Sharers and Slackers • Sharers: the men do more paid work but “when they are available, they are every bit as involved as their wives.” • Slackers : “the men who relax while their wives do the second shift” Sociology 1201

11. Why might a woman accept less than she believes is fair? Arlie Hochschild, The Second Shift The economy of gratitude: “I just kind of do it. He helps much more than a lot of fathers help.” To whom do wives and husbands compare the husband’s contribution to the second shift? Sociology 1201

12. Strategies of Resistance to equality “No initiative: “I’ll do anything you want… just tell me what.” • Passive resistance: “the kids could be yelling and screaming. He’s just oblivious.” • Incompetence: “I wasn’t as good as Roz. Roz’s just good.” • Praise: “She’s wonderful as a mother.I feel lucky to have her as a partner because it takes a lot of the burden off me.” Sociology 1201

13. Symbolic interaction/conflict theory Deutsch: “The myth implicitly promulgated by these men is that their wives do the work at home… because they notice it, they’re better at it, and they enjoy it more.” • The larger culture’s assumptions about women who put in too many hours of paid work and men who share equally at home. ( Coworkers, bosses, relatives, friends) Sociology 1201

14. Creating a new social world of sharing the second shift ¾ of the equally sharing fathers know someone else doing the same Only 18% of the 25-75 fathers know an equal sharer “Equal sharers… actively work to create this alternative world.” Sociology 1201

15. Cultural images Mothering and self: “I want to be with her every minute.” Men and work. “You may be able to limit work hours, but only at the cost of advancement.” • Deutsch: “Male investment and female disinvestment in jobs fuels the inequality in parenting.” Sociology 1201

16. Functionalism Institutions are interdependent Trends in the economy Deindustrialization, globalization, and wages NOW, Oct. 24, 2004: In 48 of 50 states industries adding jobs paying less than industries losing jobs (30% less in Minnesota) Female work force participation Sociology 1201

17. Functionalism again • Is it an accident that work seems to increasingly take precedence over family, in a society that is globalized and must compete with countries around the globe? • What would be the costs of de-emphasizing work and career, not for individuals but for the society? • Is it a given that whatever creates the most powerful economy (and society) is also best for the individuals in that society? Sociology 1201

18. Are we (the U.S.) a pro-child society? • “Caring for Our Young: Childcare in Europe and the United States,” Clawson and Gerstel • France: full day, free ecolesmaternelles that enroll almost 100% of three-, four-, and five-year olds (p. 266) • Denmark: non-school model. “From birth to age six, most Danish children go to childcare but in a non-school setting.” p. 267 Sociology 1201

19. Hochschild, The Time Bind • Field study of a large industrial corporation in Milwaukee: • Amerco’s” workers consistently reported being strained to the limit. • The company offered policies that would allow them to cut back. • Almost no one took the policies; in fact, most people she talked to seemed to be increasing their hours! Sociology 1201

20. Top Managers • Hochschild: “The twelve top managers I interviewed all worked between 50 and 70 hours a week.” • About their parenting: “If you had it to do over again, would you do anything differently?” “I don’t know. I can’t answer that. Probably not.” • What about women managers who have children? “I don’t know how they do it.” • “Just because a few women are concerned with balance doesn’t mean we change the rules. If they chose this career, they’re going to have to pay for it in hours Sociology 1201

21. What needs to change to make equal sharing more possible? • “Conventional careers demand the willingness to put in long working hours, to relocate for good job opportunities, to shield work from personal responsibilities, and to give work priority over family. Career building at its most intense occurs during the childbearing years.” • You’ll have to accept it that you’ll accomplish less in the world of work. Sociology 1201

22. Final words from changing parents • A mother: “I think a child can have two number ones, I really do… I am not afraid of losing my role.” • “When I asked Barry if he thought his child had two mothers or two fathers, he was surprised by his own answer. ‘Boy, that’s a great question and as much as it’s an affront to my masculinity, I think it’s more like two mothers. Yeah I really do.” Sociology 1201