Asexuality: Identity & Community

1. Asexuality:Identity & Community Sara Beth Brooks Asexual Awareness Week sbb@asexualawarenessweek.com

2. Asexual:A person who does not experience sexual attraction

3. The Kinsey Scale 0 1 2 3 4 5 6 Heterosexuals Homosexuals X Asexuals, breaking models since 1948

4. The Storms Model

5. The Double Storms model Sexual Orientation Romantic Orientation

6. But that’s not really enough Sexual Orientation Romantic Orientation

7. Victoria’s Story Victoria (1:18-6:27)

8. Coming Out as Asexual

9. Common responses • Check your hormones • Asexuality is for amoebas • You should try sex first • Have you considered that you’re gay?

10. Common responses • You’re just trying to be special • You’re a late bloomer • But you behave sexually • You were abused • You just haven’t had me • You got burned in a relationship • You just can’t get any • What’s the point of life then? • You’re repressed • Are you religious? • You’re slut-shaming! • You haven’t met the right person • All women are like that

11. “Political” opposition • Sex-negative people… • Sex-positive people… • Sex experts, psychologists

12. Attraction and Behavior Asexuality is about attraction Celibacy is about behavior

13. The Many Types of Attraction • Sexual attraction • Romantic attraction • Aesthetic attraction • Intellectual attraction • Aces most commonly talk about romantic attraction • Use hetero-, homo-, bi-, pan-, and a- to describe these identities • Aromantics

14. Aromantic Asexuals Romantic Orientation Romantic Asexuals Experience romantic attraction Desire to form romantic relationships with others Experience little or no romantic attraction Do not desire to form romantic relationships with others

15. Gray-A • Some individuals identify in the gray area between Asexuality and sexuality • People who identify as gray-A can include, but are not limited to, those who: • do not normally experience sexual attraction, but do experience it sometimes • experience sexual attraction, but a low sex drive • are technically sexual, but feel that it's not an important part of their lives and don't identify with standard sexual culture • experience sexual attraction and drive, but not strongly enough to want to act on them

16. The sexual habits of asexuals • Physiologically, asexual people function like everyone else • Hormone testing • Masturbation rates are about the same • Some asexual people choose to have sex • Cross-over into BDSM/kink and fetishes

17. Relationships • Romantic Asexuals • Can form romantic relationships with either other asexuals or with sexuals • Aromantic Asexuals • Generally do not form romantic relationships • Often form close friendships that function as their primary relationships • Do not lack emotional needs; their emotional needs can be fulfilled in a platonic way

18. Common questions • Do you masturbate? • Some do, some don’t. • Studies show that asexuals are almost as likely to masturbate as non-asexuals • Do asexuals have romantic relationships? • Some do! With other asexuals, or non-asexuals. • Some don’t. • Do asexuals have sex? • Some do, some don’t. Asexuals may want, have, or enjoy sex. There are plenty of reasons to have sex besides sexual attraction.

19. The ASEXUAL Community • Based on the 2011 community census conducted by Asexual Awareness Week 60% of self-identified asexuals are under 21 79% of self-identified asexuals are LGBT or allies

20. the Asexual Community • AVEN • Expanded communities online • Meetups and Pride • Asexual Awareness Week • Organizing campaigns

21. Asexuals and the Alphabet Soup

22. Asexual Definitions • Asexuality • Ace • Aromantic • AVEN • Demisexual • Gray-asexual • Sexuality spectrum • Squish • Romantic orientation • Relationship model • Queerplatonic

23. Southpaw’s Story Southpaw (1:11-4:21)

24. Asexual issues and pressures • Rejection by a partner or family for coming out • Being assumed gay or lesbian because they don’t date • Bullying for abstaining from sex • Some common slurs are “prude” “tease” “selfish” “sick” “broken” • Asexual people often date sexual people, creating new and different relationship problems • Fear of being alone/not finding someone who will love them for who they are • Feeling empty, alone, or isolated

25. Why asexual awareness matters • Invisibility • 1% of population is asexual • End the feeling of “broken” and “alone” that many report • New conversations about queering relationships • It’s easy to do – it’s just about having a conversation

26. Be ace positive • Try saying… • Everyone has the right to explore sexuality on their own terms. • Love doesn’t equal sex. There are lots of ways to have intimacy without sex. • Not liking sex doesn’t make you sick or broken. There are lots of healthy, happy asexual people. • Sexuality is fluid and there are many different types. • Sex and sexuality are complicated, give yourself time and space to figure it out. • Instead of saying… • Asexuality can’t exist • You will know when the time is right for you to have sex. • Have you seen a doctor? • It’s just a phase, it will pass • Sex is a natural part of relationships

28. Q&Asbb@asexualawarenessweek.comwww.asexualawarenessweek.comMany thanks to Tristan Miller at UC Berkeley for many of the slides in this presentation. (_>