Emotional Regulation 101: How Full is Your Bucket? plus Collaborative Problem-Solving (CPS)

1. Except where otherwise noted, content is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution – Non-Commercial License Revised Sep 14, 2012 Emotional Regulation 101: How Full is Your Bucket? plus Collaborative Problem-Solving (CPS) Dr. Michael Cheng, Jennifer Boggett, OT, Marjorie Anderson, OT

2. Acknowledgements and License Thanks to all the children, youth, families, educators, and fellow colleagues who have helped give feedback on the Bucket! You are free to share and distribute as long as 1) these materials are not used commercially, and 2) as long as materials are distributed in its entirety If you are a non-profit organization / health professional, feel free to contact use about adapting these for your own use Knowledge must be shared Except where otherwise noted, content is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution – Non-Commercial License

3. Everyone has a bucket... Our bucket gets filled up when we have stress

4. Everyone has a bucket... You feel, learn, work and play the best when your bucket has “just enough” in it

5. Our Bucket Can Be Empty, Just Right, or Too Full!

6. Usual stresses that fills your bucket... • School • Teachers • Classmates • Friends • Homework • Home • Brothers / sisters • Parents / grandparents • Chores / Rules • Other • Doctor’s appointments! • Extracurricular activities • Friends, neighbours,etc...

7. Q. What Fills Your Bucket? Sensory input: little or too much…. Sound Touch Movement Smell Light 2. Motor issues such as… Too much motor demands such as handwriting, gym, day-to-day physical demands… Too little motor demands (i.e. not enough movement!) 3. Changes or transitions (because these are a change in sensory input)

8. Different Things Fill Our Buckets What fills your bucket might not fill another person’s bucket Disagreements can happen because what empties one person’s bucket actually fills another person’s! E.g. the same music which soothes one person may stress out another!

9. Q. What fills your bucket? 1. _____________________ 2. _____________________ 3. _____________________ 4. _____________________ 5. _____________________

10. When your bucket is full... The bad news is that you feel • Frustrated • Sad • Worried / Nervous (“Fright”) • Wanting to escape (“Flight”) • Irritable / Angry (“Fight”)

11. When your bucket is full... • The good news is that you can find a way to empty it!

12. When your bucket is full... • If you can only do one thing to empty your bucket, then it would be TELL AN ADULT (so that s/he can help you empty your bucket)

13. Its easier to empty our bucket if we can do it BEFORE it gets completely full

14. Usual Things that Empty Buckets! 1. Distraction 2. Problem-Solving the stress that fills your bucket

15. Distraction using your senses Touch: Deep pressure, shower, bath... Hearing: Music, quiet, singing... Seeing: Drawing, closing your eyes, visualizing.... Oral/taste: Chewing, eating, drinking something... Smells: Scented candles, soothing smells... Movement: Going for a walk, a run, getting up for a break, dancing, any physical activity... A favorite activity...

16. Q. What are some ways to empty your bucket (by distraction)? (Usually its doing the things you like to do, like a favourite subject/class, activity, having fun with family/friends…) 1. _____________________ 2. _____________________ 3. _____________________ 4. _____________________ 5. _____________________

17. Problem-Solving  Identify and deal with the underlying stress • School • Schoolwork • Teachers • Friends • Peers • Bullies • Other... • Home • Family stresses • Parents (mom, dad) • Siblings (brother, sister) • Other...

18. Q. What is the stress?

19. Spending time with a parent • Spending 1:1 with a parent is a universal way of helping a child cope with any stress

20. What is the most powerful way to empty your bucket when full? • As an adult, when your bucket is full (such as when you have lost someone close to you), what do you do to empty it?

21. A. You cry. • As an adult, when your bucket is full (such as when you have lost someone close to you), the most powerful way to empty it is to CRY with SUPPORTIVE LOVED ONES...

22. Having a Good Cry • Having a good cry with a parent is the most powerful way to empty your bucket • Crying helps the brain adapt to any stress, even the most horrible ones imaginable

23. Summary • Frustrated • Sad • Worried / Nervous (“Fright”) • Wanting to escape (“Flight”) • Irritable / Angry (“Fight”)

24. Summary • We all have a bucket • Our bucket can get too full • When it gets full, the bad news is that we feel angry, scared, upset, overwhelmed • The good news is that there are many things we can do to empty our bucket • If you only do one thing, then • TELL AN ADULT (like your mom or your dad!) • CRY ABOUT IT!

25. Life is like Weightlifting: Collaborative Problem Solving Approach Dr. Michael Cheng, Jennifer Boggett, OT, Marjorie Anderson, OT Except where otherwise noted, content is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution – Non-Commercial License Revised Nov 17, 2010

26. Getting “Just Right” is also about Life being Balanced What you can cope with Challenges or stresses that you face =

27. In other words… Demands, expectations, stresses Coping ability =

28. Demands, expectations, stresses Coping ability • Physical (including sensory) demands of day-to-day life • School/work • Home/friends/family • Affected by... • Genetics • Presence of any conditions such as sensory processing issues

29. Q. What happens when demands/stresses >> coping? Coping Ability Demands / Expectations / Stresses

30. When overwhelmed, people may have problems with… How they feel physically Their emotions Fight (e.g. anger) Flight (e.g. anxiety) Freeze Sadness Etc… Their behaviours Withdrawal Aggression Controlling ETc…

31. There are two solutions to restore the balance... Demands / Expectations / Stresses  Coping Ability

32. Q. What happens when coping >> demands/stresses? Demands / Expectations / Stresses Coping Ability

33. The underwhelmed individual may have: Complaints of boredom and even… Depression / anxiety / anger, etc.. Do things to stimulate him/herself to keep from being bored!

34. Life is like Weightlifting Life is like weight lifting... balance between our coping ability, and between what demands and expectations are placed upon us. Child’s Coping Ability Life Demands 10 kg 50 kg

35. Life is like Weightlifting Life is best when you can lift what life gives you, i.e. when your lifting ability matches the weight you have to lift Person’s Coping Ability Life Demands 50 kg 50 kg

36. Question What would happen if you could only lift 50 kg, but someone forced you to lift 100 kg? 50 kg 100 kg

37. Life is like weightlifting Child’s Coping: Ability: what the child can lift Demands: what we are asking the child to lift 50 kg 100 kg

38. Answer You’d get hurt, injured, bruised, and be extremely stressed! And your nervous system would get angry [“fight”] or scared, anxious [“flight”], or “freeze”... 50 kg 100 kg

39. Q. So what is the solution? 50 kg 100 kg

40. Answer 50 kg 1. Reduce expectations lower and lower until child is successful 2. Once child is successful, then gradually increase expectations again over time 51 kg

41. Answer 1. Reduce expectations lower and lower until child is successful 2. Once child is successful, then gradually increase expectations again over time 50 kg 49 kg

42. Basket A What are all the non-negotiable expectations that you have? E.g. safety related, and things that you are not willing to compromise E.g. No running into the street E.g. No hitting your child

43. Basket B What are all the negotiable expectations that you have for your child? E.g. An expectation that you want your child to do, but you are willing to be somewhat flexible E.g. You want your child to participate in the family by doing chores, but you are willing to negotiate which chores they do, or what time they finish it by

44. Basket C What are all the expectations that you have, which could possibly be relaxed or dispensed with, at least in the short-run?