Balancing Work and Home

1. Balancing Work and Home Learning to Juggle Multiple Demands

2. Agenda Introduction Identifying Multiple Demands Resource Deficits Achieving Balance Taking Responsibility When to Talk to a Professional Counselor Closing

3. Learning Points Participants will: • Determine various sources of stress • Take a fresh look at personal values and choices • Learn skills for effectively managing multiple demands

4. Identifying Multiple Responsibilities List all the activities, responsibilities, etc. you are dealing with in both your personal and professional life. You might consider the following areas: home/family, social, spiritual, self-care, work, hobbies, education and community.

5. Identifying Multiple • Demands (Continued) Fill in the first circle, dividing it into a pie chart by showing what portion of your time is used for which activity. Use the activities you listed in the previous exercise.Use the second circle to indicate how you want it to be. Parts of the pie: Home/family Social Spiritual Self-care Work Hobbies Education Community How it is now: How you want it to be:

6. Rating Scale: 1: Not at all 2: To a moderate degree 3: To a great degree Dealing With Resource Deficits Rate the following resources by the following criteria: A) How important the resource is to you B) The extent to which you possess the resource ________________________________________How important? Do I possess it? 1. Enough money _____ _____ 2. Material necessities (food, clothing, shelter, transportation, etc.) _____ _____ 3. Material luxuries (large home, expensive cars, exotic vacations, etc.) _____ _____ 4. Stamina/endurance/energy _____ _____ 5. A sense of humor _____ _____ 6. A positive outlook _____ _____ 7. Good health and attention to my physical needs _____ _____ 8. Health of family members _____ _____ 9. Personal flexibility and adaptability _____ _____ 10. Intimacy with one or more family members _____ _____ 11. Good primary relationship _____ _____ 12. A supportive, involved partner _____ _____ 13. Time for self, personal leisure pursuits _____ _____ 14. Good relationship with children _____ _____ 15. Good parenting skills _____ _____ 16. A sense of control over my life _____ _____ 17. Feelings of success _____ _____ 18. Stable employment _____ _____ 19. A meaningful career _____ _____ 20. Opportunities to grow and advance at work _____ _____ 21. Meaningful friendships _____ _____ 22. A support system _____ _____ 23. Good child care _____ _____ 24. Help with household chores _____ _____ 25. Involvement in resources for continuing educational growth _____ _____ 26. Involvement in avenues to help me grow spiritually _____ _____ 27. Opportunities to be involved and to contribute to the larger community _____ _____

7. AchievingBalance • Reframe Negative Self-Talk • The language you use to describe your feelings and situations has a powerful impact on your stress level. Words like “should”, “ought”, “must”, “always” and “never” are absolute and can lock you into a mindset that has a harmful impact on your self-esteem and relationships. Below are some unproductive statements that have been transformed into productive ones. • Unproductive Self Talk Productive Self Talk • “My life is crazy. It’s out of control.” “Things are really hectic right now. But I know I can cope. I’ve done it before.” • “I should be spending more time with “I want to spend more time with my kids.” my kids. I’m going to cancel my Wednesday night appointment.” • Reduce Unproductive Guilt • Find an authority figure to back you up • Seek out peer support • Surround yourself with encouraging friends and family members

8. AchievingBalance (Continued) • Explore Organizational Flexibility • Be assertive and respectful about exploring avenues within the workplace that enable you to better balance work and home activities. Although your employer may have very good reasons for not being able to offer alternative arrangements, it doesn’t hurt to ask. Some arrangements you may be able to negotiate include: • Flexible start and end times Working at home • Broadened use of sick leave Job sharing • Part-time work Brown bag seminars on stress management, parenting and other topics • Personal and Interpersonal Methods • Use “deprogramming” time and techniques to avoid thinking about work while at home and vice versa. • Question your standards and expectations. Which can be lowered? Which need to be raised? • Use humor generously and positively. • Get Support • Intimate relationships with other adults Tag team parenting and/or • Friends eldercare • Neighbors Family • Community resources

9. Achieving Balance: Strategies for Home Conduct family/roommate meetings Combine needs/responsibilities that can be met at the same time Rotate which needs get met Get help Re-evaluate old habits and priorities Understand the past Stop second guessing Plan weekends Use the calendar

10. Chores: Getting the Work Done 1. Use a family meeting to allow family members to choose which chores to do. Don’t assign tasks. 2. Use star charts or other incentive systems with young children and allowances with older children. 3. When tasks are not completed, leave them undone if possible and let natural consequences occur. 4. Lower your standards. Strive for neat, rather than sparkling clean. 5. Use the “ten minute” system. Give everyone ten minutes to see how much straightening and cleaning they can get done. Make it into a race and set the timer. 6. Plan your cleaning projects at “low impact” times of the day. For example, it probably takes less time to clean a kitchen floor at 10:00 p.m. than at 5:00 p.m. 7. Consider hiring a cleaning service or arranging chore co-ops with the neighbors. 8. 9. 10.

11. Achieving Balance: Strategies for Work and Play Use discretionary time to meet personal needs. Set limits. Communicate needs. Ask yourself: What are my values and goals? Acknowledge what you do accomplish. Get support. Be supportive.

12. Taking Responsibility Make time to be alone. What seems to get sacrificed most often in the struggle to find balance between work and home is time alone. Yet this might be the most important time you spend. Know your passions. Know what is meaningful and highly motivating to you—what makes you feel most alive. Set priorities. Realize the choices are difficult. The choices are ours, so make them consciously and never be afraid to question or change them. Implicit in making choices is saying yes and saying no. Learn to let go. Once you set your priorities, let the rest go. Some people say you can have it all, but in today’s culture, that is a rare phenomenon. Allow for change. As needs, demands and situations change, so will your choices. Certain phases of your life are time-limited. Keep communication open. Constant communication with those around you is essential to keeping your sense of balance. Don’t assume that what was okay with them or you yesterday is going to be okay tomorrow.

13. When to Talk to aProfessional Counselor • Any of these experiences may signal the need for the help a professional counselor can provide. • Emotional mood swings • Angry outbursts • Prolonged crying or weeping • Using drugs or alcohol to cope • Reckless behavior • Anxiety or panic • Inconsistent work performance • Interpersonal difficulties • Withdrawal • Low energy or chronic fatigue • Change in sleep patterns • Diminished or increased appetite • Feelings of despair or hopelessness • Diminished capacity for pleasure • Suicidal thoughts

14. For Further Readingand Additional Resources Books Chick, Erica D. Fundamentals of Work-Life Balance. ASTD Press, 2004. Drago, Robert W. Striking a Balance: Work, Family, Life. Dollars & Sense, 2007. Evans, John. Marathon Dad: Setting a Pace That Works for Working Fathers. Harper Perennial, 1999. Fletcher, Winston. Beating the 24/7: How Business Leaders Achieve a Successful Work/Life Balance. Wiley, 2002. Harper, Rhonda. Seeking Joy: The Real Truth About Work/Life Balance – Women Corporate Executives Speak Out. Imprint Books, 2003. Harvey, Carolyn S. and Beth E. Herrild. Comfortable Chaos: Forget “Balance” and Make Career and Family Choices That Work for You. Self-Counsel Press, 2005. Johnston, Robert K. and J. Walker Smith. Life Is Not Work, Work Is Not Life: Simple Reminders for Finding Balance in a 24/7 World. Wildcat Canyon Press, 2001. Karst, Patrice. The Single Mother’s Survival Guide. Crossing Pr., 2000. Koch, Richard. Living the 80/20 Way: Work Less, Worry Less, Succeed More, Enjoy More. Nicholas Brealey Publishing, 2005. Lim, Gary. The Road to Gumption: Using Your Inner Courage to Balance Your Work and Personal Life. Dorato Press, 2007. Mason, Mary Ann and Eve Mason Ekman. Mothers on the Fast Track: How a New Generation Can Balance Family and Careers. Oxford University Press, 2007. Merrill, A. Roger and Rebecca Merrill. Life Matters: Creating a Dynamic Balance of Work, Family, Time, and Money. McGraw-Hill, 2004. Molloy, Andrea. Stop Living Your Job, Start Living Your Life: 85 Simple Strategies to Achieve Work/Life Balance. Ulysses Press, 2005. St. James, Elaine. Simplify Your Work Life: Ways to Change the Way You Work So You Have More Time to Live. Hyperion, 2002. Websites Due to rapid changesoccurring on the Internet, we cannot guarantee the availability of these Websites www.bluesuitmom.com/career/balance/ www.forbes.com/2007/03/19/work-life-balance-lead-careers-worklife07-cx_db_mn_0319worklife_land.html www.mayoclinic.com/health/work-life-balance/WL00056 www.microsoft.com/smallbusiness/resources/management/leadership-training/need-work-life-balance-7-tips.aspx#Needworklifebalancetips www.webmd.com/balance/guide/5-strategies-for-life-balance

15. Appendix A: Dual Career Stress The responsibilities we have mean we have less time to spend on significant relationships, often at the expense of the relationship. This exercise is designed to measure how much stress our relationship is under and help us decide what we may want to do about it. How are you handling dual-career stress? Yes No _____ _____ 1. Has there been a balance between work and family time this past week? _____ _____ 2. Have you taken time recently to be alone? _____ _____ 3. Do you and your partner regularly schedule some time together away from both work and children, elderly relatives or other family members? _____ _____ 4. Do you share household chores and responsibilities? _____ _____ 5. Do you discuss topics other than just work, the kids, elderly relatives or other family members? One or two no answers means your handling of stress is within acceptable limits. Three no’s suggest that you both might want to take stock of your situation. Four or more no’s indicate potential problems which a professional counselor may be able to help you address.