Word clutter

1. Word clutter and readability

2. Word clutter Word clutter means using more words than necessary to convey a written message. Why is this bad? • It wastes space, of course. • But more than that, it makes a story harder to read, and more tedious to get through. • Stories in the mass media that are hard to read don’t get read.

3. Word clutter • Usually word clutter litters the first drafts of articles. • When we go back to edit first drafts, often we can identify the clutter. • Unfortunately, writers in a hurry sometimes don’t have time to revise. • It’s up to editors to clear out the “verbal deadwood.”

4. Word clutter • It takes years of experience to do a really efficient job at identifying word clutter. • For example, the sentence above could be more efficient. How could we rewrite?

5. Word clutter We might say this: • It takes years of experience to identify word clutter efficiently. • It is possible, though, to catch word clutter offenders common in mass-media style writing. • Below are some typical examples of word clutter in mass media writing.

6. Word clutter • All of a sudden=suddenly. • the morning, the evening. • Just use a.m. or p.m. • completely destroy. Destroy is complete. Otherwise, say damaged. • Located. This word is usually not necessary. For example, “It was located downtown.” Just say “It was downtown.”

7. More word clutter • Due to the fact that. Just say because. • A total of. Usually this is not necessary, as are the words “in cash.” Example: • “According to police, a total of $500 in cash was left at Cash Wise.” • Just say “According to police, $500 was left at Cash Wise.”

8. More word clutter • At the present time. Just say now. • Asked if he.... Usually this clause is redundant. For example: • “Asked if he plans to run for re-election, the senator responded, “I’ll run for re-election as long as the voters want me.”

9. Attributions • Note that you don’t have to keep repeating “he said, she said” when it’s obvious who’s talking. • Attributions should be in the same tense throughout the story, either present (“says”) or past (“said”). • Past tense is often used for hard news story, present tense for features. • Vary “said” with words like pointed out or added, if you’d like. • Avoid the clumsy attributions “commented” or “stated.” Unless it truly was a formal statement.

10. Nominalizations This means taking a verb form and making a noun out of it. (What is a noun? A person, place or thing. What is a verb? An action word.) • Mass media writing emphasizes people doing things, and favors active verbs. We want to avoid setting up nominalizations. • Common nominalizations: made a study of, made an investigation of. • Just say studied or investigated.

11. More word clutter • Two twins, four quadruplets. twins, quadruplets. • Exact replica. A replica is exact. • Qualified expert. Why would an expert not be qualified? • New record. A record is always new.

12. Jargon • Party, parties, meaning people. This is law enforcement jargon often picked up by mass media. Facility also is jargon, and usually can be substituted with a more specific word. Example: • “Police said two parties broke into the facility and stole six bottles of Captain Morgan rum.” • Be specific: “Police said two people broke into the warehouse and stole six bottles of Captain Morgan rum.”

13. More extra words • At its regular meeting (not their) is usually not necessary when referring to committees or boards. Example: • “The Fargo City Commission at its regular meeting Tuesday declared a moratorium on bike path construction.” • Just say “The Fargo City Commission Tuesday declared a moratorium on bike path construction.”

14. Time and date At and on are usually superfluous. Example: • “The campus Phi Kappa Phi chapter will meet at 7:30 p.m. on Tuesday in the Memorial Union Lark Room.” • Just say, “The campus Phi Kappa Phi chapter will meet 7:30 p.m. Tuesday in the Memorial Union Lark Room.”

15. Addresses Usually we can delete the words “at the intersection of,” because two crossing roads obviously intersect. Example: • “Police found a lost dog at the intersection of University Drive and 12th Avenue South.” • “Police found a lost dog at University Drive and 12th Avenue South.”

16. More deadwood • Noon luncheon. Just say luncheon; all luncheons are at noon. • Detailed information is available upon request at.... Details are available at.... • General public. The public is general, so no need for that word. • Held. Generally this word isn’t necessary. Example: “The rally will be held Friday.” The rally will be Friday.” • Useful solution. If it’s not useful, it’s not a solution.

17. More deadwood • The incident. Usually not needed. Example: “She investigated the incident.” “She investigated.” • Guest speaker. Just say speaker. • If that were the case,... If so,... • At this point in time. Now. • Or that favorite of flight attendants: “Be sure to take your personal belongings with you.” As opposed to your impersonal ones, apparently. You can leave those for the cleaners.

18. Does it matter? • “A small detail, you say—not worth bothering about. It is worth bothering about. The game is won or lost on hundreds of small details. • “Writing improves in the direct ratio to the number of things we can keep out of it that shouldn’t be there.” --William Zinsser, On Writing Well.