CH. 3 Communication & Self-Concept

1. CH. 3 Communication & Self-Concept ▪ Self-concept: a relatively stable set of perceptions you have about yourself. ▪ Self-esteem: the part of your self-concept involving evaluations of self-worth. (how you feel about self-concept’s qualities) ▪ High or low self-esteem has powerful effect on behavior and communication, but doesn’t guarantee success. (Baumeister, 2005) ▪ We can change our self-appraisals. ▪ Positive self-esteem is often the starting point for positive communication.

2. How Self-Concept Develops • Self-concept develops mostly from social interaction (Schmit, 2006) and 2 theories of this are: • Reflected Appraisal: (shaped by others) Positive & negative evaluative messages received throughout life impact your feelings & ideas about yourself • Significant others = persons whose evaluations are very influential: family, special teachers, close friends, those at work, those you respect, romantic partners, etc. • Their opinions rank high in what you think of yourself. • Social Comparison: You compare yourself to others (reference groups) to evaluate your own traits. • We need realistic standards, not supreme idols, or we’ll be unhappy. (Eating disorders, etc.) • For a realistic self-concept, choose realistic comparisons.

3. Self-Concept (SC): Characteristics • Subjective: can be unrealistically favorable (a boss, young child) or harsh if feeling negative (Sturman & Mongrain, 2008) We are not good judges of our own communication skills, and this affects how we approach & respond to others. WHY? • Obsolete information: Past failures or successes are out of date. • Distorted information: Overly critical or the opposite by sig. others • Myth of perfection: Many parents ( or others) expect too much. • Social expectations: It isn’t humble to express pride in doing well. We talk about failures, but not strengths.

4. Self-Concept Traits-cont. 2. Flexible: We change constantly, & the self- concept must adapt to stay realistic. • By 30, SC doesn’t change radically w/o conscious effort. • In important ways, you still change - physically, emotionally, intellectually, & spiritually (p.72). 3. Resists Change: We resist revising our SC. • Cognitive conservatism: We tend to seek information confirming our existing self-concept. • This is true if more favorable (can become your own worst enemy) or less favorable (don’t want to believe )

5. SC: Self-Fulfilling Prophesy & Communication • Defined: A self-fulfilling prophesy occurs when an outcome is more likely when it’s based on previous expectations of the event. • YOU are responsible for making predictions come true. • 4 stages: 1) Having an expectation 2) Behaving as expected 3) Getting the expected outcome 4) Rein-forcing the original expectation (“See? I knew it.”) • 2 types of self-imposed prophesies: • When expectations influence your behavior (“No use to study. I’ll just flunk anyway.”) • When observer’s communication of expectations influences an outcome (“smart” students study p.75)

6. Changing Your Self-Concept • You can change your self-concept & self-esteem, resulting in changing your communication, IF YOU CHOOSE TO DO IT. • Four things are needed: • Realistic Expectations: judge in terms of own growth • Realistic Perception of Self: strengths & weaknesses • The Will to Change: to do the needed work • The Skill to Change: seek advice & observe models

7. Presenting the Self: Identity Management Public & Private Selves: We can act differently in public than in private. Perceived Self=the person you believe you are in honest, private examination, accurate or not Presenting Self= a public image we want to present to others, usually socially approved • Face=a socially-approved identity we try to preserve (Goffman, 1971) • Facework= verbal & nonverbal actions used to maintain your or others’ presenting image(s) • Front (in front of others) & backstage (alone) behavior

8. Traits of Identity Management • We construct many identities. (Communication Competency) • Identity Management is collaborative. (We respond to each other.) • It can be Deliberate or Unconscious. • We act differently when others see & judge, & behavior sends messages, but we can act unconsciously when “face” is threatened. (Babies do it unconsciously.) • We differ in degree of Identity Management. • High self-monitors=more aware of Id. M. behavior than others. • Good “people readers” adjust behavior to get desired reaction. • They may not enjoy/experience events as much due to always analyzing/monitoring. • It my be hard to tell how a high self-monitor really feels. • Even high monitors may not know exactly how they feel. • Neither extreme ly high nor low monitoring is ideal. • FLEXIBILITY is key in successful relationships.

9. Why Manage Impressions? • To follow social rules in a variety of settings • To keep a job, present a certain face despite feelings (act required way or risk being fired) • To accomplish personal goals, present a face that helps you get what you want (in court, etc.) • To achieve relational goals (meeting new person, first date, etc. ) • We all decide which face to present in each situation!

10. How to Manage ID Impressions? • It will depend partly on the chosen channel. • Face-to-Face: use manner (words & NV actions), appearance (personal items you use to shape your image, like clothing) , & setting (physical items we use to influence how others see us, like cars) or the way we arrange our physical setting ( home, office) for enjoyment or a desired effect • Mediated Communication (other than face-to-face=letters, phones) Electronic messages lack some richness of V & NV channels, but can help manage impressions by allowing the sender to say difficult things and the receiver to ignore them until calm. <CMC=computer mediated communication> • Online commun. allows creators to make statements about who they are or how they want to be regarded. • Designers of “broadcasting” manage identity by including or excluding information to create an effect. (Words, images, sounds)

11. I.D. Management & Honesty • Managing impressions doesn’t always make you a liar! • Part of competent communication is knowing which front to reveal in each situation. • You have a choice about how to act, but ethics do enter. • You are revealing part of yourself even if not a complete picture. Your and others’ safety and feelings matter. The intention is considered. Does it aim to hurt or make someone feel foolish?

12. Self-Disclosure in I.D. Management • SD defined: Personal information, usually not available to another, you honestly & intentionally share in a context which gives it an intimate nature. • Honesty: Telling only part of what is true would not be genuine disclosure, and neither is lying • Depth: What is deep and personal to one is not always that way to another (age, academic record, income, family problems) • Availability of information: Other person is not likely to know it or obtain it from other source. • Context of sharing: The setting affects how personal the sharing is. (online, w/in family, etc.) ◘True self-disclosure is rare!

13. Self-Disclosure Model: Social Penetration Social Penetration Model: (Taylor & Altman, 1987 87-88) • Attempts to show breadth & depth of information shared. • Breadth= The range of subjects shared is large or small. • Depth = The information revealed is personal (intimate) or not (casual). At least one area must have high depth to be considered intimate. • 4 types of information shared: • Cliches: ritualized, stock responses to social situations-”How are you?” “Fine. How are you?”) • Facts: intentional, significant, and not otherwise known truths-”I’m a psyche major .” “ I’m in the police academy.”) • Opinions: your personal stand on a subject. ( “I hate first dates.” “I think that’s silly.”) • Feelings: expressing emotional states (“I’m afraid.” “I’m a bit suspicious.”)

14. A Self-Disclosure Model: Johari Window • The Johari Window is a square, divided into 4 parts: (p.89) • Open= things you & others know about yourself) • Blind= what you don’t know about yourself but others do • Hidden= what you know but won’t reveal to others • Unknown= information unknown to both you & others • If drawing one relationship at a time, the size of each area can change due to our mood, the topic discussed, & the relationship with the other person.

15. Self-Disclosure: Benefits • Benefits: • Catharsis • Self-clarification • Self-validation • Reciprocity • Impression formation • Relationship maintenance & enhancement • Moral Obligation • Social Influence • Self-Defense

16. 6 Risks of Self-Disclosure ▪Rejection: fear of disapproval (”I love you.” “Well, I don’t feel that way.”) ▪Negative Impression: not total rejection, but negative evaluation of you (“I usually cheat to get what I want.” “ I don’t believe in cheating!”) ▪Decrease in relationship satisfaction: disclosure can affect others’ opinions of you & decrease satisfaction from a relationship (“I’d rather not see another Western movie.””But, I love those!”) ▪Loss of influence: Once you disclose a weakness, you lose some control over how the other person sees you. (“I have trouble telling the truth.” “I won’t trust you again.”) ▪Loss of control: Disclosed, you lose control of the information. (“ I went to reform school.” “ I can’t wait to tell someone.”) ▪Hurting the other person: If you are completely honest. (“That outfit makes you look fat.” “Oh, I know I’m just hopeless.”)

17. Alternatives to Self-Disclosure • Sometimes SD is not desireable: To avoid hurting another or harming the relationship, you can try an alternative. • Silence-keeping thoughts & feeling to yourself • Lying-deliberately hiding or misrepresenting the truth: benevolent lie (to avoid hurting someone) vs. self-serving lie (to gain unfair advantage) • honesty in important matters is usually best to preserve relationships, not every little thing • Equivocation-using language w/ 2 or more possible meanings (to avoid unpleasant truth) –ugly = “unique” painting! It saves speaker from being caught lying, reduces tension, & saves face. • Hinting- more direct than equivocating, it seeks to change another’s behavior. It saves receiver/sender embarrassment.(p100-101 )

18. Evasion in Self-Disclosure • Is it ethical?Four considerations:1) Judge the morality of the motives, not just the deception. (Buller & Burgoon, 1994) 2) Are the effects worth the cxception? (Tucker, 2005) 3) Is it in the best interests of the receiver & the only effective way to behave? 4) How would others respond if they knew your real thoughts and feelings?

19. Self-Disclosure Guidelines • Is the other person important to you? Do you want a closer relationship? • Is the risk reasonable? Consider the situation (at work?) and weigh the benefits & risks). • Is the self-disclosure appropriate? For the stage of the relationship, the timing, & the situation • Is the disclosure relevant to the current situation ? The setting should match the level of the disclosure: highly personal or casual? • Is it reciprocated? Unbalanced disclosure creates an unbalanced relationship & problems usually result. • Will effect be constructive?For the listener, your self-esteem, & the relationship