Choosing A Mate….And doing it God’s way…

Choosing A Mate….And doing it God’s way… Opening Statement : THE PERSON YOU CHOOSE TO DATE OR TO ENGAGE IN A COURTSHIP OR TO MARRY, IS A DIRECT REFLECTION OF YOUR SPIRITUAL LIFE.. • By B C Sono 2009

Marriage Humour: Wife: 'What are you doing?' Husband: Nothing. Wife: 'Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage certificate for an hour.' Husband: 'I was looking for the expiry date.' ------------------------------- Wife : 'Do you want dinner?' Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?' Wife: 'Yes or no.‘ _____________ Wife: 'You always carry my photo in your wallet.. Why?' Hubby: 'When there is a problem, no matter how great, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.' Wife: 'You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?' Hubby: 'Yes! I see your picture and ask myself what other problem can there be greater than this one?'

In Other words you can test your spiritual life by the kind of people you’re interested in. • E.G White “Show me your friends and I’ll tell you what kind of a person you are”. • A spiritual person will be attracted to another spiritual person, and a non-spiritual person is more likely to fall in love with a person out-side the church or with a non-spiritual person • By B C Sono 2009

Ps Henry Wright, 67yrs old, & 45yrs in ministries • Says, in his forty years of counseling marriages, has taught him that the person you choose to marry is a direct reflection of your spiritual life. • He says that 1 out of 4 marriages failed which was 40yrs ago, BUT now most of every marriage fails, WHY because of choosing your mate before choosing your Maker, and they need Jesus to fix their mistake. • Let’s hear of how can they succeed. • By B C Sono 2009

Is the a correct formula or that specific one? • One Bible scholar once said “There’re no specifics but every specific design has its own specifications” in other words, you fall into some category where you’ll find your eccentric or types. • But still, isn’t that God took only one rib from Adam, sure must be a direction to go about it… • By B C Sono 2009

Choosing A Mate……. • It shouldn’t be an emotional decisionbut a spiritual decision. • Why because there’s “TRUE LOVE” and “INFATUATION”, where infatuation means “Temporary love of an adolescent or A foolish and usually extravagant passion or love or admiration“ • Now how to see the difference? • Here with are 10 points to use as a litmus paper to test the right way. • By B C Sono 2009

Choosing A Mate……. • He or she must be a God Fearing person. • Spend time knowing yourself in the Lord before knowing someone else • Ask yourself, is he/she gonna help me Heaven-ward, has it uplifted you spiritually or not. Elder Wright says, there’re two types of loneliness, one of which just because you’re alone, & the other type is when you fall spiritually but your partner can’t pitch to help. He would listen to the accolades they bring as before he must approve the marriage but then ask one question “As a result of meeting this person, have you been brought closer to the Lord/Heaven, doesn’t matter if he/she makes you happy if this condition does not hold it’s useless”. • By B C Sono 2009

Choosing A Mate……. • Ask your self what is that person bringing in your life?, other than a degree, beauty but also a spiritual aspect. Will it increase my love for God, will it increase my sphere of usefulness in this life. Mrs. White says “Marriage is something that will influence your life in this world & the world to come. Do you know long “FOREVER” is, marry the wrong person & you will discover it’s the longest word in the English dictionary “A sincere/earnest/ an open & genuine Christian will not advance his plans in this direction without that God approves his course, he will not want to choose for himself but would feel that God must choose for him” (AH.pg43The great decision) • Proverbs 27:17 “People learn from one another, just as iron sharpens iron.” • Ecc 4:9,10 “Two are better off than one, because together they can work more effectively. If one of them falls down, the other can help him up. But if someone is alone and falls, it's just too bad, because there is no one to help him.” • By B C Sono 2009

Choosing A Mate……. 5. Ask yourself that if the worse thing you know about them does not change, what will change that in a marriage. i.e aggression, smoking, lying, fidelity. Trick is, if you spend time with God long enough, He’ll give you a sign long ahead not to go since He wont make fool out of His children. Spend time knowing yourself more in the Lord before you try knowing somebody else. • By B C Sono 2009

Choosing A Mate……. • Don’t drop your standards just for the sake of having someone in your life. 2 Cor. 6:14 in a GWV (God’s word version) :- • 2Co 6:14 Stop forming inappropriate relationships with unbelievers. Can right and wrong be partners? Can light have anything in common with darkness? • vs15 Can Christ agree with the devil? Can a believer share life with an unbeliever? • vs17 The Lord says, "Get away from unbelievers. Separate yourselves from them. Have nothing to do with anything unclean. Then I will welcome you." • Only when we fully comprehend this text Gen 2:24 “shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.” now how will God make you one flesh with His enemy?. • Love is a big word, which will make you not to compromise your standard, God is in love with us but not in bed with us, so sex is not a way to prove your love • If you spend time with a fool, you won’t make the right choice, or spending time with friends outside, you will end up marrying a fool. • By B C Sono 2009

Choosing A Mate……. • Pray more than you use to. Mrs. White “If a man and woman are in a habit of praying twice a day before they contemplate marriage, they should pray four times a day when such step is anticipated” (AH.ch10.pg71). Three things to be done before, 1.PRAY, 2.PRAY, and 3.PRAY. Know and tell God what you exactly want, Psalms 37:4 tell Him the desires of your heart, have a picture in mind. • By B C Sono 2009

Choosing A Mate……. • Is the Holy Spirit your guide into your relationship. Don’t be desperate or let your age besides your name intimidate you, I’m 30yrs I need to get married, there’s no text for that, once you get involved under desperation, the Holy Spirit is not involved. • Money is the course for blacks to divorce. Before you get a wife get a Life! Before you say I will make sure you will..! Someone asked me when is the right age, answer “not specific age or stage but simple when you’re responsible & if you can’t maintain a relationship with God, how can you with a feeble man” first things first…! • By B C Sono 2009

Choosing A Mate……. • Companionship - The state of being with someone. You may have companionship without marriage and also you can also can have marriage, but without companionship. This is to say have a lengthy conversation before you engage, don’t rush. i.e. what tick’s you off, are you getting along with your family coz I don’t want to marry into drama solving problems. Don’t get caught up in I don’t want to loose them, It will mess your head up, it’s not one piece of cake to satisfy you, God has made you fearfully and wonderfully made so trust Him. You cannot marry someone you don’t love, E.G W. says that would be sin. • By B C Sono 2009

Summary • E.G White warned us with these :- • Both families should be aware of that, and about private meetings & late night courtship is evil. • Take time to study the person’s character and have good intentions about it, which hopefully is to get married, else a frivolous (or playing with heart-trifling) spirit God forbids that and its evil. • In studying their character, some display now how they’re going to behave in a marriage, i.e. lazy, quiet, no humor, strict, self-centeredness, organized etc.. • Look at the common attributes(including your faith, someone to stomach your beliefs) you share, equilibrate the attributes, i.e. if you’re talkative, find a quiet spirit. • By B C Sono 2009

Summary cont……. • Submit a list or a depiction of the person you’d love to spent eternity with, be honest to God of what you want. • In that list, don’t look for “Mr.” or “Mrs.” right, or even a perfect one, don’t look for something you’re not & set very high standards for others, for the fact is they’re not there! but look for one whom you can perfectly love… • Gather as much info. As you can, because that’s a great decision you’re about to take, so look and observe. • The advise throughout the bible is to look from among believers, Deut 7:2-4 “Do not make an alliance with them or show them any mercy. Do not marry any of them, and do not let your children marry any of them, because then they would lead your children away from the LORD to worship other gods.”, so the argument goes further to say if its not your faith back away, they may be believers but not your faith, yes there maybe cases like Ruth who wasn’t from the clan but Ruth had a willing heart to obey, but now it’s a risk. • Don’t confuse God’s grace and His will, you may know a case like that (one who took from outside) but God decided to love them anyhow yet that’s not His will but His grace. • By B C Sono 2009

Conclusion • Better pray to God if you were gifted to be single, and stay so as Paul suggested in 1 Cor. 7:7-10, & you can serve God with Obscurity but E.G White was married also, God must tell you. • The devil uses relationships to get people out of the church, so there are godly and ungodly, is what you have in mind godly? • Remember this will affect, your children, yourself both in this life and the world to come. • Even when you look one who’s God fearing, and all those accolades, remember God created not Adam and Steve but Eve, so make sure you go for your opposite sex, lest we err and use this principles to wrong people. • Matt 6:33 “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.” • It’s possible that when you choose to love outside, you probably living that life outside, but seek God first. • God Bless You…… • By B C Sono 2009

Choosing A Mate….And doing it God’s way…