写作讲评课

1. 写作讲评课 从屌丝男到高富帅的华丽蜕变！

2. How to polish your composition to make it take on a new look?

3. 第二节：书面表达（满分30分) 你校某研究性小组正在开展关于“学生与家长、老师、同学之间的关系处理 ”的调查。请你就这一话题，按照下列要点写一篇短文： 1.现状：关系处理总体较好，但仍存在一些问题，如与同学吵架、不听家长和老师的教育等。 2.你个人的改进意见（至少两条）。 注意：词数100-120，文章的开头已给出（不计词数）。 A survey about the relationship between students and teachers, family members or classmates is being made by a research group of our school. _________________ ____________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

4. The first step: 文体(type of writing) 审题 人称和时态(person and tense) 要点(main points)

5. 第二节：书面表达（满分30分) 你校某研究性小组正在开展关于“学生与家长、老师、同学之间的关系处理 ”的调查。请你就这一话题，按照下列要点写一篇短文： 1.现状：关系处理总体较好，但仍存在一些问题，如与同学吵架、不听家长和老师的教育等。 2.你个人的改进意见（至少两条）。 注意：词数100-120，文章的开头已给出（不计词数）。 文体: 议论argumentation 人称和时态：第一人称、一般现在时 the first person、the present tense 要点：

6. The first step: 文体: 议论 argumentation 人称和时态：the first person the present tense 审题 结构 Structure Para1 要点 Para2: present situation 段落 Para3: personal advice

7. A survey about the relationship between students and teachers, family members or classmates is being made by a research group of our school. Generally speaking, we are getting on well with others. But there consist of some problems such as quarrel with classmates, not listen to parents and teachers educated and so on. In our daily life, it is easy to have different comments with others. Sometimes we may argue with our classmates when we have conflicts in words or actions. We may pretend not to listen to our parents words which are benefit to us. Therefore, we should make our efforts to improve the situation. On the one hand, we should respect everyone whoever older or younger than you, and learn to listen to others carefully. On the other hand, we could communicate with others and tell your problems. Every progress, however small, will truly make a different to improve your problems.

8. A survey about the relationship between students and teachers, family members or classmates is being made by a research group of our school. Generally speaking, we are getting on well with others. But there consist of some problems such as quarrel with classmates, not listen to parents and teachers educated and so on. Therefore, we should make our efforts to improve the situation. On the one hand, we should respect everyone whoever older or younger than you, and learn to listen to others carefully. On the other hand, we could communicate with others and tell your problems. Every progress, however small, will truly make a different to improve your problems. structure

9. 恭喜：现在您拥有了好身材！ 高

10. The second step: 准确性 accuracy 语言 Language 多样性 diversity 连贯性 coherence

11. A survey about the relationship between students and teachers, family members or classmates is being made by a research group of our school. Generally speaking, we are getting on well with others. But there consist of some problems such as quarrel with classmates, not listen to parents and teachers educated and so on. Therefore, we should make our efforts to improve the situation. On the one hand, we should respect everyone whoever older or younger than you, and learn to listen to others carefully. On the other hand, we could communicate with others and tell your problems. Every progress, however small, will truly make a different to improve your problems. exist quarrelling listening is difference solve

12. 第一档（1-6分） 第二档（7-12分） 第三档（13-18分） 第四档（19-24分） 第五档（25-30分） 亲，麻烦给好评哦！ 准确性accuracy 语言 Language 多样性 diversity 连贯性 coherence

13. A survey about the relationship between students and teachers, family members or classmates is being made by a research group of our school. All in all, the relationship between them is well. But it still have some problems, such as quarrelling with others, not listening to teachers and parents. These problems not only make the relationship worse, but also do damage in the students’ growth. As far as me concerned, these problems should be solved as soon as possible. Here are some advice. When we argued with others, we can turn to our teachers or parents. They may give us useful solution. We can talk with our teachers or parents face to face. Showing respect to others is also very important.I think it will make a difference if these measures are taken.

14. A survey about the relationship between students and teachers, family members or classmates is being made by a research group of our school. All in all, the relationship between them is good. But there still exist some problems, such as quarrelling with others, not listening to teachers and parents. These problems not only make the relationship worse, but also do damage to the students’ growth. As far as I’m concerned, these problems should be solved as soon as possible. Here is some advice. When we argue with others, we can turn to our teachers or parents. They may give us useful solutions. We can talk with our teachers or parents face to face. Showing respect to others is also very important. I think it will make a difference if these measures are taken. accuracy

15. A survey about the relationship between students and teachers, family members or classmates is being made by a research group of our school. All in all, the relationship between them is good. But there still exist some problems, such as quarrelling with others, not listening to teachers and parents. These problems not only make the relationship worse, but also do damage to the students’ growth. As far as I’m concerned, these problems should be solved as soon as possible. Here is some advice. When we argue with others, we can turn to our teachers or parents. They may give us useful solutions. We can talk with our teachers or parents face to face. Showing respect to others is also very important. I think it will make a difference if these measures are taken.

16. Diversity 1.关系处理总体情况较好。 原句：All in all, the relationship between them is good. Useful expressions： Generally speaking/In general/ On the whole, get along well with, deal with sth properly… Generally speaking/In general, we are getting along well with others.(参考范文） On the whole, Ss can deal with their relationships with classmates, Ts and Ps properly.

17. 2.但仍存在一些问题，如与同学吵架、不听家长和老师的教育等。2.但仍存在一些问题，如与同学吵架、不听家长和老师的教育等。 原句：But there still exist some problems. Such as quarrelling with others, not listening to teachers and parents. Useful expressions：have words with, lose one’s temper, anxiety, pressure, burden, ignore, neglect, pay no attention to, turn a deaf ear to ……for example, some Ss easily lose their temper because of anxiety and heavy pressure.Others may turn a deaf ear to their Ts and Ps. 朱茜茜：Many problems still exist, varying from quarrelling with classmates to turning a deaf ear to their Ts and Ps.

18. 3.These problems not only make the relationship worse, but also do damage to the students’ growth. 倒装句： Not only will these problems make the relationship worse, but also they do damage to the students’ growth. Useful expressions：do harm to/be harmful to/be bad for, have a bad effect/influence on

19. 4.As far as I’m concerned, these problems should be solved as soon as possible. Useful expressions：In my opinion/view/eyes, From my point of view/my perspective/where I’m standing, To my understanding…… It is compulsory/essential/vital/urgent that…… Spare no efforts/make every effort/do one’s utmost… From my perspective, it is urgent that we (should) spare no efforts to solve these problems. 王佳：We should do our utmost to improve the situation without delay, which will definitely benefit us.

20. 5.When we argue with others, we can turn to our teachers or parents. They may give us useful solutions. 用定语从句合并： When we argue with others, we can turn to our teachers or parents, who may give us useful solutions. arguing 三维设计原句P116：High school should focus on not only Ss’study but also their moral education to make them become all-round persons.

21. 6.We can talk with our teachers or parents face to face. 周煜炀：A face-to-face talk is very useful, _______ we can understand each other better.（定语从句） where 吴柳斌：The fact lies in the absence of face-to-face communications between them. 王巧君：It cannot be emphasized too much that face-to-face communications do help a lot.

22. 7.Showing respect to others is also very important. Useful expressions: of great/vital importance/significance, cannot be stressed/emphasized too much, cannot be overstressed/overemphasized Showing respect to others is of vital importance/cannot be stressed too much. 三维设计原句P132：Those who know to tolerate others can naturally lead a happy life.（姚昊杰） respect

23. 8.I think it will make a difference if these measures are taken. 强调句： It is these measures that will make a big difference. with结构： It will surely make a big difference with these measures taken. 徐紫怡：So when it comes to Ss’ education, everyone should do their part in it.

24. 恭喜：现在您拥有了一大笔财富！ 富

25. coherence Fill in the blanks, using proper conjunctions(连词).

26. A survey about the relationship between students and teachers, family members or classmates is being made by a research group of our school. Generally speaking/In general, we are getting along well with others. ___________, many problems still exist, varying from quarrelling with classmates to turning a deaf ear to their Ts and Ps. Not only will these problems make the relationship worse, but also they do damage to the students’ growth. ___________________________, it is urgent that we (should) spare no efforts to solve these problems. _______, when we argue with others, we can turn to our teachers or parents, who may give us useful solutions. ____________, it cannot be emphasized too much that face-to-face communications do help a lot. _________, those who know to respect others can naturally lead a happy life. _____________, it will surely make a big difference with these measures taken. However From where I’m standing, First, What’s more, Finally, In conclusion,

27. 书写-帅！

28. 文体 审题 人称和时态 结构 要点 段落 好的作文 准确性 语言 多样性 连贯性 书写

29. 同学：现在你知道如何实现从屌丝男到高富帅的华丽蜕变了吗？同学：现在你知道如何实现从屌丝男到高富帅的华丽蜕变了吗？ Wish you success!