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The Illusion of Due Diligence - PK

The Illusion of Due Diligence - PK. When You See - . Shout - Monty, Monty, Let’s Make a Deal There is an audience participation slide at near t he end – say it fast and loud Ken Lay – say “ Ebbers , Kozlowski, Rigas and Lay”. Do you live by or have any of these?. Moral codes Morality

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The Illusion of Due Diligence - PK

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  1. The Illusion of Due Diligence - PK

  2. When You See - Shout - Monty, Monty, Let’s Make a Deal There is an audience participation slide at near the end – say it fast and loud Ken Lay – say “Ebbers, Kozlowski, Rigas and Lay”

  3. Do you live by or have any of these? • Moral codes • Morality • Ethics • Virtues • Vices • Value System

  4. Does it Mean Anything? • Integrity

  5. Code of Conduct Ethical Decision Making • Highlights key ethical issues • The code of conduct helps ensure that employees: • Get the facts. • Identify the stakeholders and their positions. • Consider the consequences of your decision. • Weigh various guidelines and principles (Virtue, Utilitarian, Fairness, Common Good). • Develop and evaluate options. • Review your decision. • Evaluate the results of your decision.

  6. What’s Eating Gilbert’s Grapes • Psychological profiles completed • Diagnosis: • Weekly visits for counseling • Who? • COO attempts a corporate coup

  7. Attorney Client Privilege • Internal risk assessment completed

  8. In Case of Emergency – Brake Glass • Boss removes excess computer hardware to sell for company

  9. Six Degrees of Deception • CISO delivering presentations to Audit Committee

  10. The Group W Bench • Team is having sex in their office

  11. Snow Skiing in Phoenix? • Corporate CTO – company founder taking business trips to Colorado three times each winter of at least 10 days each

  12. Shaken, Not Stirred • Program Manager pays for mid-level network analyst (NA) move

  13. Duty? Honor? Company!! • Data breach discovered

  14. Did They Do Anything Wrong? • Bernard Ebbers – WorldCom • Ken Lay – Enron • Sam Waksal – ImClone • Dennis Kozlowski – Tyco • John Rigas – Adelphia • David Duncan – Arthur Andersen • Dick Cheney – Halliburton • George Bush – Harken • Joseph Naccio – Qwest • Gary Winnick – Global Crossing $534.8B in losses Ebbers, Kozlowski, Rigas and Lay

  15. What Can You Do? • Seek out a trusted sponsor—a person who can serve as a conduit to getting your message heard • Make sure the emperor does have clothes • Have a clear plan in hand • Know your professor; get an A • A good idea before its time is not a good idea • Surprises are great for birthdays but not for board meetings • Test the waters • Know your company's industry • You (we) are not alone • Be confident

  16. What Should You Do? • A is for Attorney – secure an employment lawyer • Negotiate your package – strike unreasonable language • Tell the truth • Rent a safe deposit box • Document, back it up, put it in the safe deposit box • If you’re in the wrong organization, it is a good idea to get out • Turn in your CISSP and CISM

  17. Euphemisms for Being Sh#(@ Canned • Sacked, Laid off, Cut, Fired, Downsized, Terminated • Given the boot, Outplaced, Unassigned • Let go, Dumped, Uninstalled • Canned, Cashiered, Separated • Axed, Shown the door, Made available to industry • Chainsawed, Bounced out • Eighty-sixed, Given the old heave-ho, Decruitment • Reduction in force (RIF), Assignment ended, End of trial period • Job elimination, Given the package • We’re being forced to negatively amortize surplus personnel. • Some of you will not be going forward with us • Targeted restructuring • Aligning the workforce • We’re reconciling per capital productivity with current market conditions • Refocusing our manpower investments • Rightsizing headcount to match revenue • Dynamic rightsizing • It’s like musical chairs … and you don’t have a chair • One person layoff • Upgrade you with immediate effect • Let’s push the delete button on this relationship • Synergy related headcount restructuring • Welcome to Dumpsville. Population: You "When you're doing something bad to someone, it helps to use vague language to distance yourself,"

  18. Audience Responses for Being Sh#(@ Canned • Shout them out! You have 20 seconds

  19. Phrases for the New Code of Conduct • QFT – • DARFC – • RISK • BOHICA – • TARFU - • FIDO • AFCPS – • MBUC • FWMAYOR – • BFMI – • TNLNSL • BMTIPG – • JAFO • CISO • IKYBYUWYTISBINSYRTWYHINWIM • Quoted For Truth • Duck and run for cover • Really insignificant security knowledge • Bend over here it comes again • Things are really F’dup • F it, drive on • Any fool can plainly see • Mind bogglingly unlikely coincidence • F with me at your own risk • Brute force and massive ignorance • Took nothing, left nothing, signed logbook • Brilliant Minds Think in parallel gutters • Just another freakin’ observer • Completely innocuous silly officer • I Know You Believe You Understand What You Think I Said, But I'm Not Sure You Realize That What You Heard Is Not What I Meant

  20. Audience Phrases for the New Code of Conduct • Shout them out! You have 20 seconds

  21. Side effects associated with the corporate Code of Conduct • You may have changes in behavior, hostility, agitation, depressed mood, suicidal thoughts or actions while adhering to the corporate Code of Conduct. You may develop these symptoms when you begin reading the document, or develop them after several weeks of employment. If you notice agitation, hostility, depression, or changes in behavior, thinking, or mood that are not typical for you, or you develop suicidal thoughts or actions, anxiety, panic, aggression, anger, mania, abnormal sensations, hallucinations, paranoia, or confusion, destroy the Code and resign. Tell your psychiatrist about any history of managerial oppression, lying or other unethical situations before reading the Code, as these actions may worsen while under its control. • Some people can have allergic reactions to the Code which can be life-threatening and include: swelling of the face, mouth, rectum and throat that can cause trouble breathing. If you have these symptoms, resign and get medical attention right away. You may find that after several months under the Code you have irritable bowel syndrome and uncontrollable flatulation. There is no cure for this other than resignation. • The most common side effects include nausea (30%), sleep problems, constipation, gas, and/or vomiting and uncontrollable turrets. • You may have trouble sleeping, vivid, unusual, or strange dreams while under the influence of the Code. Use caution driving or operating machinery until you know how the Code may affect you. • Before adhering to the Code, tell your psychiatrist if you have integrity, plan to obtain integrity, or if you have an idealistic view of corporate behaviors.

  22. Questions The Illusion of Due Diligence The opinions expressed previously were my personal opinions as far as I know. Content published here is not read or approved in advance by anyone, and as you can see I really don’t give a rats. This does not necessarily reflect the views and opinions of me either since by this time I will have had a drink or two as well.

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