DBT and Christianity

1. DBT and Christianity Side by Side Parallels: Corollaries & Comparisons of Christian Values & Concepts With Those of the DBT Skill Set Model

2. Dialectical Synthesis A dialectical philosophy holds the view that reality is an inter-related system with opposing internal forces and is in a state of continual change. (transactional) (Thesis) generates and transformed into its opposite (Antithesis) and is preserved and fulfilled by it, leading to a reconciliation of opposites (Synthesis) Hegelianism philosophy Ecclesiastes 7:16,17,18 “Do not be over righteous, neither be over wise-…” “Do not be over wicked, and do not be a fool-…” “It is good to grasp the one and not let go of the other. The man who fears God will avoid all extremes.” (or, will follow them both) Term Dialectic

3. Logic Mind – the part of the brain that analyzes, looks at logic and reasonableness. Emotion Mind – that part of the brain that creates feeling, sense of creativity, freedom. Wise Mind – the wise mind is the balance between the emotional mind and the reasonable mind. Logical Mind – Colossians 3:2 “Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.” Emotion Mind – Colossians 3:1b “…set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God.” Example: Nehemiah 2:2 “so the King asked me, “why does your face look so sad when you are not ill? This can be nothing but sadness of the heart.” Wise Mind – Proverbs 2:2 – “Turning your ear to wisdom and applying your heart to understanding…” James 3:17 – “but the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure…” Ecclesiastes 8:1b – “…wisdom brightens a man’s face and changes its hard appearance.” States of Mind: Logic Mind, Emotion Mind, Wise Mind

4. Observe – to notice without getting caught up in the experience; notice without the reacting Describe – acknowledging a thought or feeling and putting words on experience Participate – enter into the experience, let yourself become one with the experience, do just what is needed in each situation; act intuitively. Actively PRACTICE: 1. Change harmful situations 2. Change harmful reactions to situations 3. Accept self and situation as it is Observe/Attend to – Proverbs 4:20 – “My son, pay attention to what I say; listen closely to my words.” Describe – II Timothy 4:2 – “…be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke and encourage - with great patience and careful instruction.” Participate – Proverbs 8:12 –”I, wisdom, dwell together with prudence; I posses knowledge and discretion.” Proverbs 2:10 – “For wisdom will enter your heart, and knowledge will be pleasant to your soul.” Skills to get to the Wise MindThe “What to Do” Skills

5. Non Judgmental Stance – see what is but don’t evaluate, focus on ‘what’ not whether good or bad; should or should not be One-mindfully – being in the moment. Do one thing at a time, focus on what you are doing; let go of distractions. Effectiveness – do what needs to be done in each situation, meet the needs of the situation; keep your eye on objectives, play by the rules. Non Judgmental – James 4:10,12b – “Humble yourself before the Lord and He will lift you up.” “…But you, who are you to judge your neighbor?” Matthew 7:1,2 – “Do not judge, or you too will be judged…and with the measure you use it will be measured to you.” One-mindful/focus – Proverbs 4:20 – “My son, pay attention to what I say; listen closely to my words.” Isaiah 30:15b “…in repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength..” Effective – Philippians 3:13b,14,15a – Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus. All of us who are mature should take such a view…” Skills to get to the Wise MindThe “How to Do” skills

6. DEAR MAN – to get want you want/need you: Describe – describe the current situation Express – express feelings and opinions of situation Assert – ask clearly for what you want or say no clearly Reinforce – tell person positive effects for him/her of you getting what you want or if you say no. staying Mindful – focus on objectives, don’t be distracted Appear confident – confident voice, eye contact Negotiate – be willing to give to get Describe – Acts 12:17 “Peter…described how the Lord had brought him out of prison.” Express – Psalm 40:1 “I waited patiently…he heard my cry.” Assert – Exodus 7:2 – “You are to say everything I command you…” Reinforce – Philemon 1:14 “But I did not want to do anything without your consent, so that any favor you do will be spontaneous and not forced.” Mindfully – Proverbs 4:20 – “…pay attention t what I say; listen closely to my words.” Appear Confident – Proverbs 4:25 – “Let your eyes look straight ahead, fix your gaze directly before you.” Negotiate – Gal. 6:2 “Bear ye one another's burdens, and so fulfill the law of Christ.” Interpersonal EffectivenessDEAR MAN – getting what you want/need

7. GIVE – to attend to relationships you need to be Gentle; show Interest; Validate and have an Easy Manner Gentle - Matthew 11:29 “Be gentle and meek, move without impulse.” Proverbs 15:1 “A gentle answer turns away wrath.” Interested – Matthew 11:29b “…for I am gentle and humble in heart.” Validate – Matthew 6:26 “Validate others as God does us.” Easy Manner – Matthew 11:28 “Cast your cares on Jesus – He gives rest.” Interpersonal EffectivenessGIVE - Attending to Relationships

8. FAST be Fair – to yourself and the other person do not Apologize – no apology for having an opinion, to disagree Stick to your Values and be Truthful – don’t lie, act helpless, exaggerate, don’t make excuses Fair – Colossians 4:1 ‘Treat others fairly.’ No Apologetic talk – Ephesians 3:12 “In Him and through faith in Him we may approach God with freedom and confidence.” Stick to your values – Philippians 3:3 “…we who worship by the Spirit of God, who glory in Christ Jesus, and who put no confidence in the flesh.” Truthful – Romans 9:1 “I speak the truth in Christ –I am not lying, my conscience confirms it.” Interpersonal EffectivenessFAST – attend to your self-respect

9. PLEASE Treat Physical illness, balance your Eating, Avoid mood-altering drugs, balanced Sleep Exercise…this is part of being in health Build Mastery – do one thing daily to make yourself feel competent and in control. Physical Illness – John 9:3, 6,7 “Neither this man nor his parents sinned,...He spit on the ground, made some mud and put it on the man’s eyes. “Go, wash in the Pool of Siloam” Balanced Eating – I Kings 19:4-8 “…Get up and eat. He looked around…a cake of bread and jar of water. He ate and drank…” Avoid mood altering drugs – Proverbs 20:1 “Wine is a mocker and beer a brawler; whoever is led astray by them is not wise.” Balance Sleep – 1 Kings 19:5 “Then he lay down under the tree and fell asleep.” Exercise – 3 Jn. 1:2 “Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth.” Build Mastery – Titus 1:8,9; ‘be hospitable, one who loves what is good, --self-controlled, upright, holy and disciplined. 1 Corinthians 12:31 – “But eagerly desire the greater gifts.” Emotion Regulation – Reducing VulnerabilityPLEASE MASTER

10. Build Positive Experiences – Short term: Do pleasant things that are possible now. Long Term: Make changes in your life so that positive events will occur more often. Build a ‘life worth living.’ Positive Experiences: Short term: Matthew 12:34b – “…For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.” Proverbs 4:12 – “Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.” 1 Peter 3:11 “He must turn from evil and do good; he must seek peace and pursue it.” Long term - 11 Peter 3:14 “so then…since you look forward…make every effort to be found spotless, blameless and at peace…” 1 Peter 3:8,9 “Finally, …live in harmony with one another, be sympathetic…compassionate and humble…so that you may inherit a blessing.” EMOTION REGULATIONBuild Positive Experiences

11. Opposite to Emotion Action: Anger – Gently avoid person angry with and imagine sympathy or empathy for person Sadness – Get active, approach, don’t avoid; do things that make you feel competent/confident Guilt/Shame – (Justified) Repair the transgression, commit to not doing it again, apologize, make things better for person and let it go. (Unjustified) Do what makes you feel guilty or ashamed over and over. Fear – Do what you are afraid of doing, over and over, approach, do things that give you a sense of control or mastery. When overwhelmed make list of small steps and do the First Thing. Opposite to Emotion Action: Anger – 1 John 4:18 “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. Sadness – Colossians 3:23 “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart,…” Guilt/Shame – 1 Samuel 20:8, Psalm 25:11 – ‘Know your guilt as real or perhaps unreal, confess to God and the other. Fear – 1 John 4:18, “There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment.” Matthew 11:28,29,30 “Come to me,…you who are… burdened…I will give you rest. Take my yoke…For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 6:25 – “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life…is not life more important…? EMOTION REGULATIONOpposite to Emotion Action

12. Observing your breath – Practice deep breathing, measuring you steps with your breath, counting your breath, follow your breath while listening to music, breathing to quiet the mind and body. Half–Smiling – Half smile when you awake in morning, half-smile when irritated, half-smile when listening to music, when contemplating someone you hate. Awareness – (physical and/or mental) Be aware of your position of the body, aware of connection to the universe, awareness of movement while serving coffee, awareness of what you are doing Observing Breath – Job 27:3 “Job 27:3 All the while my breath is in me, and the spirit of God is in my nostrils;” Half-Smile – Matt. 5:44 “But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you; …even if it is hard to do. Awareness – Colossians 3:1-3 “Since. Then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your “ DISTRESS TOLERANCEGuidelines Practicing Accepting Reality

13. Radical Acceptance (Reality Acceptance) – Accept the pain, not approval; from deep within acknowledging pain, acceptance is the only way out of hell Turning the Mind – Commitment to accept does not equal acceptance, it turns your path, putting your mind towards acceptance and away from rejecting reality. Willingness – is allowing your awareness to connection to the universe, doing what is needed. (over) Willfulness – is sitting on your hands when action needed, is giving up, trying to FIX each situation, refusing to tolerate the moment. Reality Acceptance – Romans 8:18 – “I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.” Matthew,John, ‘Jesus is the Bread of Life, Counselor, Redeemer, Turning the Mind – Romans 7:18 – “I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.” (Having the mind of Christ) Willingness – Romans 8:10 – “But if Christ is in you, your body is dead because of sin, yet your spirit is alive because of righteousness.” (over) Willfulness – Ecclesiastes 7:20 – “There is not a righteous man on earth who does what is right and never sins.” Romans 7:21 – “So I find this law at work: When I want to do good, evil is right there with me.” DISTRESS TOLERANCEPrinciples of Accepting Reality

14. Activities – Engage in exercise or hobbies; walking, work, sports, fishing, gardening, visit a friend, etc. Contribute – Contribute to someone; make something nice for someone, do a thoughtful thing. Comparisons – Compare yourself to people coping in the same way as you or in a less well off position. Compare to less fortunate. Emotions – Do an event that creates in you a different emotion, ie. Real old letters, listen to emotional music, religious music, read funny greeting cards, etc. Pushing Away – Leave the situation, leave mentally; put it somewhere; box it. Thoughts – Count to 10, count colors in a painting, count anything, work puzzles. Sensations – Hold ice, wash face with cold cloth, hot shower, rubber band on wrist. Activities – Luke 24:14 “’They were talking with each other about everything that had happened.” Contribute – Romans 15:26 – ‘Give of your time, money and interest.’ Comparisons – Matthew 11:16 ‘Compare self to similar Biblical stories.’ Emotions – Mark 6:6 ‘Other’s disbelief not a hindrance Pushing Away – Proverbs 27:12 ‘Shield and protect yourself.’ Thoughts – Psalm 18:6 ‘change thoughts, turn to God Sensations – Luke 22:51 ‘Jesus touches to heal – touch is healing.’ DISTRESS TOLERANCEWise Mind DISTRACTS

15. Vision – Look at nature, look at the stars at night, buy a beautiful flower Hearing – Listen to beautiful or soothing music; pay attention to sounds of nature. Listen to human voices Smell – Use your favorite perfume/lotion; light a scented candle, put potpourri in a bowl Taste – Have a favorite drink, ie tea or hot chocolate; coffee, ice cream, chew gum, eat mindfully. Touch–Take a bubble bath, lotion on body, brush hair, cold compress on face. Experience touching. Vision – Matthew 6:26 ‘Look at the birds for self-comfort.’ Hearing – Genesis 3:8 ‘Adam and Eve hearing the sounds of God.’ Smell - Matthew 27:7 – ‘Fragrant oil poured out.’ Taste – Matthew 26:26,27 ‘taste fully, God’s food.’ Touch – Matthew 13:5 ‘Jesus washes His disciples' feet.’ DISTRESS TOLERANCESelf - Soothe

16. Pros – Make a list of reasons to tolerate the stress and reasons for not tolerating stress. Cons – Make a list of consequences to tolerating stress and list of consequences for not tolerating stress. Pros – Hebrews 2:18 “Because he himself suffered when he was tempted, He is able to help those who are being tempted.” Cons – Proverbs 13:18, James 1:2-4 “…whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance….you may be mature and complete,…” DISTRESS TOLERANCEPros & Cons – Focus on long term goals

17. Imagery – Imagine relaxing scenes, a secret room within yourself. Let yourself go into that which is calming and beautiful Meaning – find or create purpose or value in pain, make lemonade out of lemons Prayer – Open your heart to a supreme being, strength to bear the pain. Turn things over to God. Relaxation – Muscle relaxing, hot bath, hot milk, massage neck or body, breath deeply, half-smile. One thing in the moment – focus entire attention on the moment your are in, put your mind there – the physical sensations that accompany a task, ie dishes, cleaning; be aware of your body movements. Vacation – Get in bed, take a specific time to ‘unplug’ your stresses. Unplug your phone, sit in the park. Encourage – Cheerlead yourself, Repeat, “I can stand it,” I will make it.” Imagery – Acts 2:17 “In the last days,…I will pour out my Spirit…young men will see visions...old men will dream dreams.” Meaning – Romans 8:28 “And we know that in all things God works for…those who love him…” Prayer – Matthew 26:36 “…sit here while I go over there to pray.” Relaxation – John 2:2 “and Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding.” One thing in the moment – John 6:6 “He asked this only to test him, for He already had in mind what He was going to do.” Vacation – John 6:3 “Then Jesus went up on a mountainside and sat down…” Encouragement – Hebrews 10:25 “…but let us encourage one another-and all the more…” DISTRESS TOLERANCEIMPROVE the Moment