Skills for Healthy Peer Relationships

1. Chapter 6 Building Healthy Peer Relationships

2. Section 1 – Skills for Healthy Relationships • Communication – the process of sharing information, thoughts or feelings. • 2 Types of Communication: Verbal and Non-verbal • Verbal communication – consists of speaking and listening. • Non-Verbal – consists of body language and intonation (tone of voice). • There are 4 skills that contribute to effective communication. • “I” messages • Active listening • Assertiveness • Body Language

3. Bonus Question: Which communication skill expresses your feelings but does not blame or judge the other person? Active Listening Body Language Assertiveness “I” Messages

4. “I” Messages An “I” message is a statement that expresses your feelings, but doesn’t blame or judge the other person. By using an “I” message, you open the lines of communication. For example: You are upset with a friend who forgot to call you after they said they would. You react by saying, “Can’t you remember anything?” This approach could put your friend on the defensive. Instead say something like, “I am upset because we didn’t talk last night.” This opens the lines up for discussion.

5. Active Listening • Active listening is focusing your full attention on what the other person is saying and letting that person know you understand and care. • Show your interest by looking at the person, nodding your head, showing concern on your face. • Encourage the speaker to begin speaking by saying “Do you want to talk about….” • Show your interest by offering comments when the speaker pauses such as “Then what happened?..” or “What did you do?” • Avoid passing judgment on what the speaker says. • Show you have been listening by summarizing the speaker’s ideas with phrases such as “it sounds like you were angry when…” or “I heard you say…” • Help the speaker explore things further with phrases such as “tell me more about…” • Do not steer the conversation away from the speaker’s problem and onto a problem of your own.

6. In your notes - How would you rate yourself as an active listener? Why did you rate yourself that way? In what ways could you improve.

7. Bonus Question: Which type of behavior is used to stand up for yourself while not threatening other people? Passive Behavior Assertive Behavior Aggressive Behavior

8. Assertiveness Assertiveness is standing up for yourself while expressing your feelings in a way that does not threaten the other person. For example: speaking confidently and clearly; making eye contact; actively listening to the other person Refer to the chart on page 138. Assertive behavior: communicates respect both for yourself and for others. Passive behavior: shows lack of respect for yourself. Aggressive behavior: shows lack of respect for others. *In your notebook: Which term describes your communication style? Explain why?

9. Body Language Body language includes posture, gestures, facial expressions, and body movements. For example: making eye contact; smiling; slouching

10. Cooperation • Cooperation is working together toward a common goal. • Cooperation builds strong relationships that are based on mutual trust, caring, and responsibility. • To successfully meet the goal, people must work together as a team. Everybody on the team must meet their responsibilities and trust others to meet theirs.

11. Compromise • Compromise is the willingness of each person to give up something in order to reach an agreement. This requires give and take. • When should you compromise? • When both people are willing to sacrifice something. • When both feel comfortable with the solution reached. • When should you not compromise? • When you are asked to do something dangerous. • When the compromise goes against your values.

12. Section 6-2: Friendships • Friendship: a relationship based on mutual trust, acceptance, and common interests or values. • 3 things people look for from friends: • 1. Honest reactions • 2. Encouragement during bad times • 3. Understanding when they make mistakes • Types of Friendships: • Casual Friends – often occur because people go to the same school, live in the same neighborhood, or have some common interests. Offer the chance to have fun, try new things, and learn to get along with a variety of people.

13. Close friends – those who share similar goals, values, or interests. • Qualities of a Close Friend • Loyalty – a close friend sticks by you in both good times and bad. • Honesty – You can trust a close friend to be truthful, even when the truth is painful. • Empathy – A close friend is caring and sensitive to your feelings. • Reliability – A close friend can always be counted on. • What are other qualities you look for in a close friend?

14. Friends of the Opposite Sex – these friendships help you feel comfortable with members of the opposite sex and allow you to develop fully as a person. • Gender Roles – behaviors and attitudes that are socially accepted as either masculine or feminine. • What are some ways that people learn about traditional masculine and feminine roles? • **Are you comfortable having close friendships with both male and females? Why or why not?

15. Tips for Making Friends • Be yourself; don’t put on an act • Join groups that share your values or offer activities you like • Treat everyone with respect • Take a little time to talk with people you know casually • Ask questions that require more than just a yes or no answer (examples ??) • What other tips would you suggest to make new friends?

16. Problems in Friendships • 1. Envy – can occur when one person has something that the other person desires. For example: appearance, popularity • **Can you think of other sources of envy? • Jealousy – can occur when a “best” friend wants to develop more close friendships and the first friend feels left out. • Cruelty • Cliques – a narrow, exclusive group of people with similar backgrounds or interests. • Peer pressure – a need to conform to the expectations of friends, can be negative or positive.

17. Physical Attraction & Dating 4 Things you can learn about a person by dating 1. personality 2. interests 3. abilities 4. Values Dating Practices: Going out as a group Going out as couples (double dating) Steady Dating Factors that influence dating practices: Individuals Families Cultures **Do you think steady dating during high school is a good idea? Why or why not?

18. Violence in Dating Relationships • Cycle of Violence – Figure 9 pg. 150 – Write in notes** • Dating Violence: a pattern of emotional, physical, or sexual abuse that occurs in a dating relationship. • Warning Signs of Abuse • Your date is jealous when you talk to others. • Your date makes fun of you in front of others. • Your dates tries to control you and makes all decisions. • Your date has a history of bad relationships. • Your date makes you feel or you feel isolated from friends and family. • You feel less self-confident You worry about saying or doing the right thing. You change how you behave to avoid an argument.

19. Tension Building: picks fights; acts jealous/possessive; Criticizes/threatens; isolation of victim from others Calm: ask for forgiveness; makes promises; buys presents; denies abuse happenened Violent Episode: uses force; may use a weapon; causes injury; may destroy possessions.

20. Tips for Dating Safely Go out as a group Let someone know where you are going. Avoid alcohol or other drugs. Have money to get home. Call 911 in an emergency.

21. Teen Dating Violence Resources: Hotlines: Love is Respect Hotline: 1-866-331-9474 National Domestic Violence Hotline: 1-800-799-7233 Internet Resources: www.loveisrespect.org www.breakthecycle.org www.thehotline.org www.dosomething.org www.womenhelpingwomen.org www.youth.gov Other resources: The Clothesline Project Planned Parenthood Association