THE POWER OF GRATITUDE

1. THE POWER OFGRATITUDE If the only prayer you ever said was Thank You, that would be enough… Meister Eckhart William Hale, Ph.D., LICDC-CS Glenbeigh Hospital

2. Today We Will… • Learn how the phenomenon of gratitude has been manifested throughout history in various social and religious contexts • Explore how research on gratitude has shown its importance in human relations and self-improvement • Learn techniques for incorporating gratitude practice in addiction treatment to enhance outcomes for clients in recovery

3. Reflection… • Think of a time when you felt truly grateful for something. • It can be for anything – to anybody – at any time in your life. • Remember what you felt at that time. What emotions did you experience? • Remember what you wanted to do in response to your gratitude – for that person or anyone else. In ordinary life we hardly realize that we receive a great deal more than we give, and that it is only with gratitude that life becomes rich... Dietrich Bonhoeffer

4. What is Gratitude? The recognition of the unearned increments of value in one’s life… • Gratitude can be an emotion that we experience after receiving something – a gift, help, anything. • Gratitude is not a feeling of being indebted - when we owe others, we can resent or avoid them. When we are grateful to them, we want to be with them. • The feeling of gratitude motivates us to turn it into action. We are naturally inclined to pay it back or pay it forward.

5. Gratitude as the Parent of All Virtues Roman Philosopher/Statesman Cicero stated: Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all others. • People who are grateful for what has been given to them or done for them tend to be more inclined to behave in beneficent, pro-social ways toward the giver, and toward others. • Expressions of true gratitude serve as reinforcement to those who have behaved in beneficent, pro-social ways toward others, thereby increasing the likelihood that they will act this way again. • Simply stated: It motivates both giver and receiver to continue to do good (moral) things.

6. Gratitude in Religion • In Hinduism: • Gratitude is highly valued and has two facets: • One must be grateful for everything that is received, as it is a gift from God, regardless of who gave it. • One must never expect gratitude from another for something that has been given (entitlement). • In Buddhism, • Gratitude is associated more with direct kindness from others, than from life situations (although one should still feel appreciation for general life blessings/circumstances). • The more one’s life is expanded, the more one can feel grateful to those who have enabled (taught/supported) that expansion. • This gratitude to others (mentors, teachers, parents, etc.) for what has been learned from them is felt and expressed any time one uses teachings. • It can also be extended to adversaries who have taught one to survive and grow in the midst of malevolence and challenge.

7. Gratitude in Religion • In Judaism: • Gratitude is seen as an essential component of worship and praise of God -and an essential part of living one’s everyday life. It cannot be separated from sacred or secular life, as it makes both what they are. • Pervasive in the Old Testament Psalms, which are seen as songs of praise, and guidelines for how to conduct one’s life in communication with God. • In Islam: • Sufi use the word Shukr (thankfulness) to refer to using all God’s gifts to express gratitude by fulfilling the purpose of creation – beyond simple verbal expression of thanksgiving. • Gratitude is said to be rewarded by Allah with more blessings. • In Christianity: • Gratitude is seen as the base upon which thoughts and actions are formed. • Thanksgiving to God is expressed in words, but also throughout the shaping of one’s life. Becoming ‘Christ-like’ (reflecting Jesus’ teachings through one’s life) is the expression of God’s greatest gift (Jesus Christ)

8. Gratitude and Karma • Karma: The effects of the sum of one’s free-will actions (choices), either influenced by intervention from God (Hinduism) or simply through natural law of cause & effect (Buddhism). • In Buddhism, Karma is seen as the cause side of the cause-effect cycle. Any action of one’ own volition creates ideas which can then grow into results under the appropriate circumstances. • In Buddhist understanding, practicing (doing) gratitude can create new ways of thinking about one’s life (attitude), thereby inviting not only more good to oneself, but also looking differently at what one has now.

9. Expressions of Gratitude in Ancient Cultural & Religious Contexts • American Thanksgiving Day is patterned after ancient traditional rituals of honoring harvest/bounty… • Sukkot (Jewish) Harvest Festival (Festival of Ingathering) • Chung Ch'ui (Ancient Chinese) Harvest Moon Celebration • Thesmophoria (Ancient Greek) Honoring Demeter • Cerelia (Ancient Roman) honoring Ceres • Lammas Day (Old English) Bread-Mass

10. St. Ignatius Loyola – The Saint of Gratitude • Founder of the Jesuit Society • Jesuits noted for their ‘Spiritual Exercises’ of • Practicing Gratitude • Expressing love and compassion for others • Ignatius’ life was steeped in Gratitude • Although a contemplative, his spirituality was characterized by Action, rather than mere contemplation • He was an Optimist – reframing negative as positive

11. The Three Graces • Depictions of ancient Roman virgin goddesses, dancing in a circle , freely & serenely with clasped hands. • Representation of the social phenomena of giving, receiving and returning gifts. Each experience was considered to be a separate blessing, hence three separate representative entities. • Benefits pass from giver to receiver and back to giver again – freely, quickly and in a continuous flow. • Virginity represents purity of the acts – no hidden agendas or motives. • Youth represents the necessary freshness/timeliness of the response/flow. • Loose & minimal clothing represents the unrestricted flow of the process. • Interlocked fingers represent the unbroken circle of good will and giving/receiving.

12. The Two Gs of Gratitude • Edward Arlington Robinson (American Poet): There are two kinds of Grateful • grateful - for what we receive / what has been given to us • Grateful - for what we give (the fruits of what we are capable of creating) • The second is more about gratitude for what we are able to do (capacity) than about what we have done.

13. Gratitude as a Gift in and of Itself • Acknowledgment of a benefit received is a gift returned to the giver. • It rewards the other person emotionally for his/her generosity. • It strengthens the relationship between giver and receiver. • Also, it is an additional gift to the receiver. • Genuine gratitude expressed to others benefits us by: • Fostering positive emotions toward the other person. • Fostering positive emotions about oneself, by simply offering the benevolent response, and by acknowledging one’s own worthiness to receive a gift.

14. Gratitude as ‘Humbling Empowerment’(Oxymoron? Not necessarily) • Humbling… • Expressing gratitude helps us fully receive what has been given (affirmation, as well as the gift itself). • Empowering… • Expressing gratitude helps us recognize what we CAN give back to the giver – even if all that is at the moment is a thank you… or paying it forward - doing something for others, helping us to recognize the gifts we have and can share… we become engaged in an interactive process. Sadly, this excludes those with a narcissistic sense of entitlement, which prevents them from participating in the joy of sharing gratitude…the best many of them can hope for is a temporary baseline appeasement.

15. Entitlement and Expectations • We live in a culture of “Me-ism”, where narcissism is reinforced. • Especially manifested in personality of addicted people… not because they are all narcissistic, but because they are seemingly desperate. Many always felt ‘apart’ from the world, and never learned how to simply be ‘a part’ of it. • Learning to practice gratitude is crucial for those recovering from active addiction. .. To help them learn to engage with life. • Given the ephemeral nature of life and fragility of existence, we need to remember this and help others to understand it … We are ‘entitled’ to Nothing: Our next breath is a gift. Learning to live in gratitude teaches us to reframe and appreciate life.

16. Gratitude as a Personality Trait To speak gratitude is courteous and pleasant, to enact gratitude is generous and noble, but to live gratitude is to touch heaven… Johannes A. Gaertner • People are naturally inclined to feel gratitude upon receipt of gifts or help which are seen as having value. (State) • However, in many people, gratitude reflects a natural tendency to recognize and appreciate things which usually go unnoticed. (Trait) • This approach to gratitude is different from hope, trust or optimism. It sets an attitude for seeing events in life – even certain adversities – as gifts. • Gratitude has one of the strongest links to mental health of any character trait.

17. Components of Trait Gratitude • Gratitude toward others (for being, not doing) • Focus on what one has (instead of what one does not have) • Feelings of Awe or Wonder • Behavioral expressions of gratitude • Living in the present moment • Recognition that life is transient and appreciating each day • Positive social comparisons (seeing how life could be worse)

18. Gratitude as a Life OrientationThere are only two ways to live your life. One is though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle… Albert Einstein • More than a particular trait – a way of approaching life in general . One’s mindset is that life is a gift. • Gratitude is a very positive emotion. The practice of nurturing positive emotions becomes self-sustaining and self-reinforcing. • The more we practice gratitude, the more we see the positive results, and the more we are inclined to keep practicing it.

19. Gratitude as Propagator ofIncreasingly Positive Emotions • Broaden and Build Theory • Positive emotions (including gratitude) propagate positive attitudes, behaviors, and relationships, moral reasoning, openness to others, and resilience. • This, in turn, results in more positive emotions. • Upward Spiraling: Positive begets positive. The grateful mind is constantly fixed upon the best – therefore it tends to become the best. It takes the form or character of the best, and will receive the best… Wallace D. Wattles

20. Research on Gratitude and Well-Being • A large body of research suggests that people who are more grateful have greater levels of well-being. • Among emotions and personality traits influencing well-being, gratitude was found to be particularly important – perhaps uniquely so. • Positive correlations between gratitude practice and various manifestations of psychological well-being have been noted in the research. • Few studies exist which show the effects of gratitude on ysicalphhealth. However, some studies suggest that it reduces stress and improves quantity and quality of sleep.

21. Effects of Gratitude on Psychological Well-Being • Gratitude is positively correlated with a sense of subjective well-being – High Positive Affect, Low Negative Affect & High Satisfaction with Life • Teens who grow up in a home where gratitude is practiced are more likely to be happy, have life satisfaction, and less likely to have behavioral problems (including substance abuse). • Expression of gratitude in relationships is positively correlated with higher quality of interactions and emotions in the relationship.

22. Effects of Gratitude on Psychological Well-Being • Gratitude is a strong predictor of lower risk of: • Major depression • Alcohol/Other Drug Abuse or Dependence • Generalized Anxiety disorder • Phobias • Bulimia • Gratitude is also strongly related to overall mood and sense of satisfaction in life. The more we express gratitude, the happier we tend to be overall.

23. Effects of Gratitude on Psychological Well-Being • Grateful people tend to have more positive coping strategies. • Grateful people tend to feel higher levels of control in their environment and their lives. • Grateful people are less likely to deny or avoid problems, and more likely to deal with them directly and effectively. • Grateful people tend to have more self-acceptance. • They tend to see more purpose in their lives. • They tend to have less negative thoughts and more positive outlooks on life in general.

24. Effects of Religiously-Oriented Gratitude on Psychological Well-Being • Gratitude was more strongly predictive of lower levels of psychopathology than other variables of religiosity. • PTSD – Lower levels of gratitude, but gratitude interventions improve their daily functioning regardless of level of PTSD symptoms.

25. Portals to Gratitude • Blessings • Those situations, people or experiences which are considered good in our lives – for which we can give thanks. • Learnings • Often coming in the form of challenges (physical, existential, intellectual, emotional) from which we grow and change. • Mercies • Receiving acts of kindness and compassion when none may seem to be warranted. • Protections • Feelings of being safe – either bestowed by other persons or by deities/other religious entities - can invoke gratitude.

26. Obstacles to Gratitude • Entitlement • Self-absorption / Belief we are ‘owed’ what we want in life. • Victimhood • Life view of having been wronged – and living accordingly, rather than taking responsibility for personal change. • Rugged Individualism • Lacking an understanding of one’s place in community – refusal to accept one’s interdependence with others. • Materialism • When one’s focus in life is primarily on obtaining things, the capacity for gratitude is diminished. The void cannot be filled. • Taking Things for Granted • Living on the assumption that situations will always be as they are. (Nothing can make one appreciate one’s health like a serious illness.)

27. Obstacles to Gratitude • Manipulation • Someone whose relationships are built on manipulation cannot relate to free exchange of gifts – everything is a negotiation. The cannot feel grateful. • Suffering • Extreme suffering can block the possibility of gratitude (at the time it is present). When suffering dissipates, gratitude can arise upon reflection. • Amnesia • Allowing grateful memories to fade invites emptiness and self-pity, while reducing the likelihood that we will continue to practice gratitude. • Lack of Reflection • Overly busy and stressed, we can easily move gratitude meditation from our priority list. (We forget to remember.) • Negative Moods • Negative moods can become our focus and we can forget to shift attention to what is right in our experience.

28. If Gratitude is the Parent of all Virtues, as Cicero said, what about its Opposite? St Ignatius Loyola, the Saint of Gratitude, had this to say about Ingratitude: In the light of divine goodness, it seems to me that ingratitude is the most abominable of sins and that it should be detested in the sight of our Creator… It is a forgetting of the graces, benefits, and blessings received, and as such it is the cause, beginning and origin of all sins and misfortunes. That said, could Ingratitude can be thought of as the Parent of all “Character Defects” ? To answer this, simply consider what Ingratitude fosters in our lives…

29. The CAPACITY for Gratitude as an Existential Gift We can reflect, list, and feel grateful for all the increments of unearned value in our lives. We can also reap the benefits of doing so…without truly looking at the prime source from which this phenomenon arises: Having the Capacity to Be Grateful. Being able to feel and express gratitude is a gift itself. Capacity for gratitude is expanded with grateful practice – even where it seemingly did not exist before. (Doing gratitude increases capacity for gratitude.)

30. Some Things to Remember… • Gratitude helps us attract what we want. When we are truly grateful and expressing it, we are more likely to continue to receive positive things in life. • Gratitude improves relationships. Showing genuine appreciation helps others to feel better about us, and helps us to feel better about them. • Gratitude reduces negativity. Positive feelings replace negative ones. Positive actions (doing gratitude) can result in more positive feelings. Gratitude is a quality similar to electricity. It must be produced and discharged and used up in order to exist at all… William Faulkner

31. Gratitude teaches us new ways of Thinking & Perceiving • Practicing gratitude can help us open our minds to the possibilities of any situation. It can allow us to explore new ways of responding to our situations and to others. • It can help us look for the positives in a seemingly negative situation. (Recovery from a traumatic experience is influenced by the ability to derive some long-term benefit from it.) • Try this… • Imagine a negative experience in your life (situation/person). • Use your imagination to find one positive thing about it. • How can dealing with that situation/person bring a lesson to your life? (Patience – Resilience - Acceptance) • Imagine feeling grateful for that. • How could that change your perspective about the problem? The miracle of gratitude is that it shifts your perception to such an extent that it changes the world that you see ... Robert Holden

32. Any Experience can be Reframed as a Gift If not now…then later • Here is the gift of Sadness. What can I learn from it? • Here is the gift of Anger. What can I learn from it? • Here is the gift of Fear. What can I learn from it? • Here is the gift of Loss. What can I learn from it? • Here is the gift of Craving. What can I learn from it? • What lessons can I take from my experiences – regardless of how painful they may be at the time – to enhance my recovery…and my life? While you did not invite it into your life, it is here. How do you want to reframe it so that its lesson is a gift?

33. Gratitude in ActionAs we express our gratitude we must never forget the highest appreciation is not to utter words, but to live by them … John F. Kennedy • Remember: Gratitude is much more than a feeling… • It is a Choice (attitude). • It is an Action (response). • It becomes a Habit (when practiced regularly). • Consider all the things you can do to show your gratitude to others (even if you do not feel it yet). • Do something positive for someone who has done something for you. • Pay it forward – Do something positive for someone else when the same has been done for you.

34. Gratitude in Positive PsychologyFeeling gratitude and not expressing it is like wrapping a present and not giving it… William Arthur Ward • Gratitude is a principle component in practice of Positive Psychology – considered a primary strength to be developed for an emotionally healthier life. • DOing gratitude – keeping a gratitude journal, writing gratitude letters, actively planning / implementing behavioral ‘thank-yous’ helps us to reverse our focus from Negative to Positive. • Gratitude actions help to refocus not only our energy expenditure, but over time, our attitudes also.

35. Gratitude Visits in Positive Psychology Practice • Write a letter of appreciation to someone who has had a positive impact on your life. • Schedule a visit with that person, if possible. • If not, plan a phone call when that person has time to talk. • Read the letter to that person, them give it to him/her. • Of all Positive Psychology interventions, research has shown this one to be the most effective in helping people feel better about themselves and enhancing relationships with others.

36. A Grateful Heart • HeartMath Institute: • The heart has significant influence on brain/body function. • We can change the rhythm of our heart via shift of focus. • “Heart Lock-In” Technique: • When upset about something, focus on your heartbeat (rhythm/rate). • Think about someone/something in your life for which you are truly grateful. • Notice changes occurring in heartbeat. • Positive emotions compete with and can ‘undo’ negative emotions, and can change physiological responses when practiced regularly.

37. Gratitude as Reflection • Naikan • Self Reflection exercise developed within JodoShinshu (Shin) Buddhism by a 20th century Buddhist businessman • Process of deep inward reflection on one’s relationships with others. • Three questions are asked in meditation: • What have I received from someone? (gratitude) • What have I given/done for someone ? (Gratitude) • How may I have caused this person to suffer? • Practice is taught in Naikan Centers throughout Japan • Used in counseling, addiction treatment, prisoner rehabilitation, and school/business retreats.

38. The Importance of Gratitude in Recovery • Helps to keep the recovering person grounded in reality. • Helps the recovering person to see life from new perspectives. • Helps the recovering person to recognize potential positives in negative events which would have fostered self-pity before. • Enhances the recovering person’s mood and basic well-being. • Motivates the recovering person to give back or pay forward.

39. Gratitude is the intention to count your blessings every day, every minute, while avoiding, whenever possible, the belief that you need or deserve different circumstances. Timothy Miller When we actively and intentionally identify what we have in our lives, without focusing on what we do not have, our perceptions and our emotional states change. Remember: When we change the way we look at things… the things we look at change.

40. A Simple Gratitude List(Change as Needed) • What part of my life brings me the most joy or appreciation? • What am I looking forward to today? • How can I be of maximum service today in some small way? • How can I be the best person I can be today? • What do I appreciate most about my relationship with ? • What step can I take today in the direction of my own growth? • Who can I help today? • What is one of my greatest character traits? • How can I allow that character trait to benefit others? • What will doing this exercise do to support my own recovery?

41. How to Use the Gratitude List • Answer the preceding questions. • Now, reflect on your answers, and allow yourself to feel good about these things. • If any answers involve others in your life, thank those on the list you can today. Thank the others as soon as you can. • Do this every day for 2 weeks. • See how your perspective on your life can change. • See how your mood and sense of well-being can improve, and how your actions toward self and others change.

42. Making Gratitude a Conscious Practice • In order to make gratitude a central part of our lives, we must make it a conscious activity in which we engage on a regular basis. It will not become habit on its own. • The ease with which we slip into old stress routines parallels the ease with which we let any gratitude practice slip away. Coping with the daily fires that need to be extinguished becomes the priority. • In order to make any new practice real, meaningful and consistent, it needs to be scheduled into our day – just as meditation practice.