How to Become a Master Communicator

1. Presented by Rich Russakoff for Sanibel Chamber of Commerce August, 2003 How to Become a Master Communicator

2. Class Exercise • Introduce yourself to someone you don’t know • Have a conversation to build rapport and connect • Find something in common • Children/family/sports/what they do/ • Where they are from? • Acknowledge something about them

3. Common Performance Barriers • Low energy • Impatience • Defensiveness • Negative attitude • Critical of others • Low stress tolerance • Moody/Irritable • Poor team player

4. Common Performance Barriers • Inflexible/Rigid • Unfocused • High anxiety • Poor time manager • Lack of trust in others • Lack of integrity • Indecisive • Negative pessimistic thinking

5. Common Performance Barriers • Low self confidence • Lack of empathy • Poor communication skills • Overly dependent • Poor listening skills

6. Common Communications Challenges • Communicating with superiors • Being diplomatic • Getting to the point • Dealing with emotions • Confronting people • Staying in touch • Standing your ground • Easier to do things myself than teach others how

7. 11 Commandments of Great Communicators • Establish and maintain eye contact • Seek first to understand • Become a great listener • Ask questions why • Monitor and mirror body language

8. 11 Commandments of Great Communicators • Wherever you are, be there greatest challenge • Never interrupt, let the other person finish • Paraphrase what others say • Think first (pause), determine the desired outcome, and then and only then, speak

9. Master Your Emotions “Sometimes in life you go through doors that only open one way. You can stand before them and think about whether you want to go through them or not. But when you do and the door closes behind you there is no way to go back.” I Hate To See That Evening Sun Go Down, by William Gay

10. 11 Commandments of Great Communicators • Speak from the heart to connect MLK • “Stop trying to prove yourself and • start trying to express yourself.” • “A promise never made cannot be broken, and so can never break a heart” Nitty Gritty Dirt Band

11. 11 Commandments of Great Communicators • Take the risk / assume the burden • “Don’t go to bed angry, stay up and fight.” • “Keeping friends is like having and plants.”

12. 11 Commandments of Great Communicators • Drawing out shy people by: • Speaking softly • Using humor • Ask questions and listen • And if you’re the shy one…

13. Communicate in the workplace to: Achieve clarity shortest difference Provide direction / Set expectations Encourage Challenge Create a clear vision paymaxx – what great coaches do

14. Catch People Doing Something Right Encouragement and stroking helps people achieve their best Everyone needs strokes and motivation. When you “give” people self-esteem they will fight to maintain it. Class exercise – Catch someone doing something right and then tell them

15. Communicate the Workplace to: • Correct – constructive criticism • Think twice before you place blame • Always seek the other sides of the story - 3 • Let people know that mistakes are okay - 87% rule • Praise in public, criticize in private • from “The Leader In You” by Dale Carnegie and Associates, Inc.

16. Communicating in the Workplace • When You Criticize: • See yourself as a teacher or coach ira • Pick the right moment to offer criticism • Show how the person will benefit from taking the actions you suggest • Give specific suggestions • Be sure you can take criticism yourself

17. Communicating in the Workplace A private conversation is a rare thing There’s no such thing as a casual conversation. Don’t take your credibility for granted

18. Communication in the Workplace: Identify how people want to receive information Understand that communication is a two-way street Ask yourself each time you give an instruction, is the message clear Put more emphasis on face-to-face communication

19. Communications in the Workplace: • Hold 15 minute daily meetings to: • Communicate specifics about activities, meeting, accomplishments, noteworthy news from clients etc. • Share daily measurement/indicators- day before and goal today • Determine where you are stuck. Where’s the bottleneck? What can be done about it.

20. Getting to Yes, Fisher and Urv

21. How to Deal with a Complaint • Listen – do not interrupt • Paraphrase / clarify • Acknowledge / take responsibility • Ask how the situation could be corrected • Determine how you will address the situation • Let them know when/how you will act • Class Exercise

22. Dealing with Difficult People • Don’t manage people, manage their goals • Help achieve mutually agreed upon goals rob • Focus on the issues, not the person • Get to the point • Refuse to play mind games or be bullied • Know when to tune out/get out/stay out

23. Dealing with Difficult People “We are working as a team to solve a problem… or “I’m doing everything I can to meet your needs… or “We have to work together everyday… or “I didn’t create this situation…

24. Dealing with Difficult People and I don’t deserve to be treated in this manner.” or your behavior is uncalled for and inappropriate.” or I will return/call you back in 10 minutes and hope we can resume this conversation.” or and now you’re making a bad situation worse.” or this approach will not help solve the problem.”

25. Giving Bad News • Bad news does not age well • People want to hear bad news immediately • No surprise rule Jack Welsh • Let people know where they stand

26. Dealing with Interruptions I have a request How much time do you need? There’s a fine line between giving people time and letting them take your time Request quiet time Work calls are NOT interruptions; set parameters, be proactive turn handout over

27. Listening Skills

28. Listening Habits that Cost You Power • Premature dismissal of a subject as uninteresting • Faking that you’re listening • Assuming you know what is being said • Listening for validation of your ideas

29. Listening Habits that Cost You Power Listening only for facts Letting emotion laden words arouse personal antagonism Interrupting others when they are speaking

30. Most of us were born with two ears and one mouth,and that’s a pretty good ratio between listening and talking.

31. Class Exercise Tell someone something Tell them what you told them Have them tell you what they told you Then tell them what they told you that you told them and told them

32. Listening Gives You Power • What you should listen for: • Patterns of reasoning and ideas • Hot buttons

33. Listening Gives You Power • How you should listen: • Take notes, write down key words • Use the body language of listening

34. Listen Actively and Effectively • With your: • Eyes by establishing eye contact • Body by leaning forward • Face by nodding • Voice by saying “no kidding, ym hmm, tell me more”

35. Listen Actively and Effectively • With your: • Speech by paraphrasing what others say…“in other words” • Hands on your chin, arms open, taking notes, by never interrupting • Asking questions…“Tell me more”

36. Through Active Listening A true dialogue can take place New understanding can be achieved And a bond can be formed or deepened

37. What Signals Are We Sending?We communicate before we say a word with: • Our clothes • Hair • Jewelry • Pierced parts • Tattoos • Sexuality/sex Appeal • Our breath • Facial hair • Energy • The cars we drive

38. What Signals Are We Sending?We communicate before we say a word by: • Smile / Frown insincere • Height / Weight • Posture • Age • Skin color • Masculinity • Femininity • Scents / Odors

39. “What you are speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say”…Emerson

40. Verbal vs. Body LanguageThe Impact and Credibility of the message

41. Verbal vs. Body LanguageBody Language (Nonverbal Communication) Become a student of reading gestures, feelings, expressions, mannerisms and silence Learn the skill of moving people from defensiveness to openness

42. Class Exercise • The Power of Eye Contact • Eyes are the Window to the Soul • People will believe you if you say what you have to say with eye contact

43. Zone Distances Signals, Allan Pease

44. Acceptable Conversational Distance Signals, Allan Pease

45. Unacceptable Conversational Distance • Leaning backwards • (Territory is encroached) Signals, Allan Pease

46. City Greeting • Amount of personal space required is related to population density • Watching how far a person extends his/her arm may be a clue Signals, Allan Pease

47. Country Greeting • People raised in sparsely populated areas typically require more personal space Signals, Allan Pease

48. Mirroring • Copying the other person’s gesture to gain acceptance • The non-verbal challenge Signals, Allan Pease

49. Mirroring • Closed body and closed attitude • Open body and open attitude Signals, Allan Pease

50. The “Pointed Gun”