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Trimming the Fat

Trimming the Fat. Slimming Down Those Wordy Essays. Ashlee Weishuhn Eldorado High School ELA I, IH, & IVH ashlee.weishuhn@scisd.net. PAST vs PRESENT. Narrative – a story or account of events, experiences, or the like, whether true or fictitious

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Trimming the Fat

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  1. Trimming the Fat Slimming Down Those Wordy Essays Ashlee Weishuhn Eldorado High School ELA I, IH, & IVH ashlee.weishuhn@scisd.net

  2. PAST vs PRESENT Narrative – a story or account of events, experiences, or the like, whether true or fictitious Expository – of the nature of exposition; serving to expound, set forth, or explain In the past, state writing has focused on the story. The present, however, wants students to focus on explanation. No longer are students making up plot structures, they are now trying to present the information in a surprising way or what I like to call “thinking outside the box.”

  3. Let's Get To It Ask students to write a detailed paragraph over what they did yesterday They must write for 2 or 3 minutes At the end of this time, I have to force some of my students to put the pen down. If they are writing about something that pertains to them, they can write forever.

  4. Trim It & Slim It Write the main idea of each sentence on a different Post It Decide which ideas are the most important Now "Trim Your Fat” (throw away the ideas that are not of great importance) Rewrite the new paragraph under the original

  5. Fix It & Fine Tune It First of all, look at the difference in the two paragraphs After a short lesson on the 5 Basic Brush Strokes of Grammar, students add some to their paragraph in order to improve the creativity Proofread (they need to make sure they wrote in complete sentences & they have proper punctuation) Write less & say more!

  6. What Else Can I Do With This? Take an old essay they turned in & have them "Trim the Fat" Give them an essay/article from a magazine & have them trim it (I do this like a blackout poem) Any other suggestions

  7. Expository Writing

  8. Expository Writing Cont’d They follow the steps of the "Trim the Fat" procedure Now we can talk about thesis statements & what not to do in your expository writing

  9. Student Sample 1 I woke up and got ready for softball practice. We took off from my house and got on our way. Halfway to Austin, we get a call. Practice has been cancelled due to rain. Greeeaaat! So reluctantly and angrily, we headed home. I was bummed because I really needed to bat. When we got home, I laid down and watched Without A Paddle. Being lazy for the rest of the day sounded great, so that’s what I did. I ended up watching Bring It On: All or Nothing and She’s the Man, also. I did a little online driver’s ed, took a shower, and then went to bed. ************************************************* I got up and got ready for softball. Halfway to Austin, I got a call. Practice was cancelled. I came home and decided to be lazy and watch movies all day.

  10. Student Sample 2 I woke up at 10 and didn’t go to church. Once both of my brothers woke up, we played on out computers. Then, we stopped to eat lunch. I went with my dad and worked with our worm bed. After that, my brothers and I played computers again, this time until 6. For dinner we ate pizza, then took showers, and went to bed. ****************************************** I woke up at 10. After a while, we ate lunch. I then went to work with my dad. We came home, ate pizza, took a shower, and went to bed.

  11. Student Sample 3 When I woke up that morning I felt sick. My head hurt real bad. I took some medicine and I guess I felt like a boss. Later I went to go play basketball. After that I came home took a shower and watched T.V. the rest of the day. Oh Mrs. W the Cowboys still be the best! ****************************************** I felt sick first thing, but I took medicine and felt like a boss. I played basketball with the boys. I came home, took a shower, and watched the Cowboys. They still the best Mrs. W!

  12. Resources • Kelly Gallager’sWrite Like This • 55 Word Fiction • http://55wordfiction.blogspot.com/ • 5 Basic Brush Strokes • http://www.perfectionlearning.com/images/products/pdfs/ig/AL/HS_Image_Grammar_Student_Book_Sampler.pdf • Quick Writes

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