Forgiveness and Reconciliation

1. Forgiveness and Reconciliation

2. An Introduction toForgiveness and Reconciliation • Forgiveness is both a process and a choice. • If legislated or regulated in any way, forgiveness may become fraught with difficulty. • If community members – including both authorities and civilians – adopt a forgiving attitude, that can be a very useful public health and community-building tool. • Forgiveness may require relinquishing something that was important to you, such as giving up your moral indignation, your desire for retaliation, or your attachment to being right. • Community builders can enter into a reconciliation process by listening to the story and the pain of the “other,” then start to build empathy and understanding

3. An Introduction toForgiveness and Reconciliation (cont.) • Reconciliation assumes a need, a will, or an actual effort made on the part of an individual or group to live side-by-side in peace with a person or group they had considered to be their adversaries in the past. • Pardoning may lead to reconciliation but is different from forgiveness. • Reconciliation lies at the heart of building and maintaining peace in a community. • In time, people may realize that holding on to resentment has a cost. Only then they can start to work on ways of developing plans to repair the harm.

4. What do we mean byforgiveness and reconciliation? • Forgiveness • Definition: Forgiveness is the principled decision to give up your justified right for revenge; it also requires the forgiver to recognize that the offender is “human like myself.” • Categories • Unilateral forgiveness • Bilateral forgiveness • Some Key Points about Forgiveness • Process • Recognition • Empathy • Reconciliation

5. What do we mean byforgiveness and reconciliation? • Forgiveness (cont.) • Common Themes in Forgiveness • There is an injury or violation with subsequent emotional or physical pain. • The violation results in a broken or fragmented relationship between parties. • Perpetuation of injury is halted. • A cognitive process is pursued where the painful event or action is understood or reframed with a fuller context. • There is a release or letting go of justifiable emotion and retaliation related to the event. • There is a regeneration of the relationship

6. What do we mean byforgiveness and reconciliation? • Reconciliation • Definition: Reconciliation refers to the restoration of fractured relationships by overcoming grief, pain, and anger. • Reconciliation can be seen as a five-step process, including: • Developing a shared vision of an interdependent and fair society • Acknowledging and dealing with the past • Building positive relationships • Facilitating significant cultural and attitudinal change • Enabling substantial social, economic, and political change • Reconciliation can also involve the reframing of identity

7. What is the importance of forgivenessfor community building? • Forgiveness can bring new insights • Forgiveness can help transform attitudes • Forgiveness can help repair broken relationships • Forgiveness can help break the cycle of violence

8. What are favorable conditions for forgiveness and reconciliation in community building? • In post-conflict situations • In peace-building • When the law is inadequate​

9. How can one develop and promote forgiveness and reconciliation in community building? • By engaging in the process of forgiveness (individual level) • Self-forgiveness • Common stages in the engagement process • Developing forgiveness on an individual level • By engaging in the reconciliation process (community level) • Promoting forgiveness on community level • Ways to build and rebuild relationships • Cultivating dialogue • Starting grassroots initiatives • Utilizing the healing power of sharing stories • Developing victim – offender programs

10. How can one develop and promote forgiveness and reconciliation in community building? • By engaging in the process of forgiveness (individual level) • Self-forgiveness • Common stages in the engagement process • Developing forgiveness on an individual level • By engaging in the reconciliation process (community level) • Promoting forgiveness on community level • Ways to build and rebuild relationships • Cultivating dialogue • Starting grassroots initiatives • Utilizing the healing power of sharing stories • Developing victim-offender programs

11. How can one develop and promote forgiveness and reconciliation in community building? (cont.) • The Fambul Tok Model • How does the Fambul Tok process work? • Consultations • Implementation • Training • Reconciliation Ceremony • Follow-up Activities

12. Some challenges and reflection questions • Challenges • Letting go • Assuming that forgiveness means reconciliation • Accountability • Creating the right climate • No set formula • Provision of resources • Sustaining dialogue

13. Some challenges and reflection questions • Reflection Questions • How can forgiveness be used in the everyday world to develop and sustain community-building and peace? • Can we forgive an ongoing evil, or can forgiveness be granted to those who have committed terrorist acts? By whom? Upon whose authority? • Can one forgive in the absence of apology or remorse? • Can true reconciliation be accomplished? On whose terms? • Can there be reconciliation following mass murder? Is forgiveness also then possible? As defined by whom? For whose benefit? • What kind of processes should be developed so that dialogue continues and peace can be maintained? • Can it ever be wrong to offer forgiveness, or toattempt reconciliation?

14. In Summary • Forgiveness, as a means of relieving oneself from the burden of victimhood, is intrinsically subjective. • Forgiveness may unfold like a mysterious discovery, or it may be a totally conscious decision, something you line yourself up for, having exhausted all other options. • Forgiveness means not allowing the pain of the past to dictate the path of the future. • Some people don’t forgive because it is not the right time to forgive. Taking the time to proceed at one’s own pace can be smart, commendable, and empowering. • Forgiveness is undoubtedly a powerful healing process that can mend broken hearts and repair broken communities.