Dealing with Peer pressure…

1. Dealing with Peer pressure…

2. On the agenda tonight… • Definition of Peer Pressure • Examples of peer pressure our LS students might face • Examples of peer pressure our HS students might face • Is all peer pressure bad? • Strategies for students • Strategies for parents • How will LJA help your child deal?

3. What is peer pressure? • Peer groups are groups of people who are usually around the same age and choose to socialize with each other. • Peer pressure is when one feels like they “have to”do something that they might not usually choose to do. • This might be: • When people try to persuade someone to do something – "come on don't be weak”, "you are just chicken", "you're straight", "you are frigid", etc. • Being expected to look or be a certain way to "fit in" – i.e. wearing the 'right things' to fit in with the 'popular group' or doing things so not to get teased. • Peer pressure can be pretty sneaky. Sometimes it’s difficult to even know it is happening or that choices are influenced by it.

4. pressures lower school students may be faced with… Everyone has pressures to “fit in,” no matter what their age. And some people might feel it more than others. This can mean that students make choices that they don't really want to or that are unsafe. Here are some examples of peer pressure our younger students might be faced with: • Daring a student to say or do something mean to another student • Feeling you can’t play with someone because they are different from everyone else and playing with them would make you “different or odd” as well • Being pressured to play a game at recess that you would rather not play • Telling someone to do something or they won’t be your friend • Not reporting something to a teacher because students are afraid of going against a “popular” student or are afraid they won’t be liked

5. Pressures High School students may be faced with… Here are some examples of peer pressure that our teens might be faced with: • Wearing the right clothes - this might contribute to fights with parents, not having money to do other things you like to do, or even doing things like stealing to get the “right look.” • Trying cigarettes, alcohol, drugs – aside from being unhealthy, these can lead to accidents, fights, and trouble with the police. • Missing school – this, of course leads to trouble at school and maybe even with some of their other friends too. • Teasing, bullying or hurting other people – this also leads to trouble at school and imagine how the targeted person might feel. (Le Jardin Academy DOES NOT tolerate this kind of behavior and there are serious disciplinary consequences for any student that participates in this behavior.) • Too much dieting or body building - trying to be “thin” or “muscular” to get people to like them.

6. But is all peer pressure bad?

7. — ADVERTISEMENT — Monday, November 8, 2004 FL MORRIS /FMORRIS@STARBULLETIN.COMTeachers of Saint Francis School entering the Honolulu Marathon are, in the front row, Sergio Robles, left, Julie Taufaasau and Carolyn Keffer; in the back row, Sean Connors, left, and Michelle Alves. And me…

8. Running because my friends are making me… In training: Several Saint Francis School teachers prepare for next month’s Honolulu Marathon By Susan Essoyan Teachers wearing far less than the school uniform jog past their students at Saint Francis School and off into the mist of Manoa valley, turning a few heads as they go. This small, secluded Catholic girls school is sending a big contingent to next month's Honolulu Marathon. Six of its 30 teachers will be running, along with a parent, a student and a nun from the school's governing order in Syracuse, N.Y., who is now gearing up for her 28th marathon. "It's good for them to see that we are something other than teachers in the classroom," said Vice Principal Sergio Robles, who also teaches Spanish at Saint Francis. A veteran of 13 marathons, the wiry 55-year-old cajoled several colleagues into the arduous race. "Students sometimes look at us funny when we're stretching in the parking lot," added Julie Taufaasau, who teaches history and psychology and has run two marathons. "It shatters stereotypes." The school, founded 80 years ago by the Sisters of the Third Franciscan Order, Syracuse, serves 373 girls in grades six through 12. Its motto is Catholic education in "A Spirit of Joy," but computer teacher Sean Connors said the idea of running a marathon did not thrill him at first. "Actually, I hate to run," he confessed. "I played soccer when I was young. They put me in as goalie." But Robles prevailed on him, and Connors found that running with friends has made it easier. His motivation was to lose weight. Training for the marathon and swearing off desserts has helped him drop 40 pounds, to weigh in at a comfortable 190 pounds. "It's a great feeling to put my foot down and know I can go 10 miles," Connors said with a grin. Come Dec. 12, it will be 26 miles in his first marathon. Connors and the rest of the group say that preparing for a marathon teaches lessons about setting goals and persevering, and the importance of good health, which can carry over for others in the school community. "I think it says a lot about us being active," said math teacher Michelle Alves. "In a sense, we're good role models." One of her former students, Aki deLeon, not only followed Alves into the teaching profession, but into running shoes. DeLeon, who graduated from Saint Francis in 1995, is now a counselor and teacher at the school. She said she started running because of "peer pressure" and as a way to get over a rough patch in her life. "They kept making it sound like it was fun," deLeon said. "Running a marathon was on my list of things to do before I die. I went from not being able to run two miles to running 12." As a counselor, she can draw on personal experience when she helps students cope with hurdles in their lives. "Running made me feel a lot better about myself," she said. "It made me feel, if I can do this, I can do anything. You want to get over an ex-boyfriend? Go run a marathon." "I hear a lot of problems from my students," she added. "I get everything from 'I hate my parents' to 'My boyfriend broke up with me.' I tell them if you want to move past this, you need to do something. It doesn't have to be running, but just do something." Her colleague Carolyn Tokuda Keffer, who just started teaching this year, said training for the marathon has put her job in perspective. "As a first-year teacher, if I didn't do this, I would just work all the time," she said. Famous athletes inspire observers, but having friends set examples at close range can be more compelling, Connors said. "Watching Sergio run and Michelle has been inspiring for me," he said. "These are people I know I can touch in my daily life. If they can do it, I feel like I can, too."

9. Strategies for students • Use “I feel” statements: • I feel hurt and angry when you call me a chicken just because I won't play your game. • I feel annoyed when you keep asking me to do something that I don't want to do, I need you to stop it. • Along with “I feel” statements, it’s good being able to assert yourself. Instead of asking nicely, sometimes you need to say “I need you to stop calling me those names.” • Talk to an adult to get help, and remember that sometimes it takes time to work through problems. • Do not avoid or ignore the problem. A lot of times these situations will continue to happen if nothing is done.

10. Strategies for students The following strategies may help older students deal with peer pressure… • Being true to oneself • Thinking about what someone gets out of pressuring them to do something. • Setting goals • Finding things they are interested in • Hanging out with a range of different people • Allow teens to learn from their mistakes and learn from their peers’ successes and mistakes

11. Strategies for parents • Tip 1: Teach your children that poor choices lead to unpleasant consequences. • Tip 2: Avoid power struggles over friendship choices. • Tip 3: Send positive messages about your child's ability to make wise choices. • Tip 4: Allow your child to use you as the “bad guy.”

12. How will LJA help my child deal? From our Parent-Student Handbook… “Courtesy, consideration, and respect for others is encouraged and expected at all times.”

13. How will LJA help my child deal? • Students are first encouraged to solve their problems by talking it out with the other student. • If the problem continues, students can either get help from their teacher or counselor or any adult on campus. • Problem solving with the counselor involves listening to everyone’s side of the story that is involved. Then it’s the students coming up with ideas together to solve their problem. Usually an agreement is reached and things get better. However, if things do not improve, students are encouraged to come back to the counselor to try new strategies to problem solve. • If a problem still continues where a student chooses not to leave another alone, still continues to “bother” a student – he/she will be referred to the vice principal. Both VP and counselor work hand in hand in addressing all student concerns.

14. Thank you very much! Joey Kurata, Counselor Grades K-5 261-0707 ext. 5130 joey.kurata@lejardinacademy.org Aki de Leon, Counselor Grades 6-12 261-0707 ext. 2010 aki.deleon@lejardinacademy.org