A meaningful relationship

1. A meaningful relationship

3. Shrek’s masks • I’m terrifying! • Keep out of my swamp • I don’t want a relationship • Donkeys are annoying • Ogres are like onions (layers)….and I don’t want to talk about it.

4. Female masks that appear outside meaningful relationships • She cleans the house (it’s already fine) before a visitor arrives and then apologises for the mess. • She worries about what to wear to impress other women. • She talks herself down to other women. • She manages her children to an ‘ideal’ standard when with others.

5. Male masks that appear outside of meaningful relationships • He talks about the things that other men would be interested in. • He says his relationship is ‘fine’ or doesn’t mention it at all. • He talks himself up to other men. • He revs the engine a little bit harder when anyone is nearby.

6. A challenge to familiar experience • I’m different at work to how I am at home. • Having your ‘work voice’ on. • I behave and talk differently depending who I am with. • It’s like I’m more than one person. Which one is fake? Which one is the real you?

7. Why do we do this? • Self-protection • Fear that we will be exposed • Not wanting to reveal our weaknesses • Fear that we will be rejected by others • Fear of failing in something

8. Layers in relationships • Passer-by = G’day, alright-alright? • Friendly / polite = Hello, how are you? (may not stick around for the real answer) • Superficial = How are the kids? (Good thanks) • Shared issue = How’s Mary going with her reading? • Shared concern = I’m struggling to pay my tax. • Shared fear = My addiction is out of control and my wife is threatening to walk out or I’m really struggling in my faith, I don’t think I’ll be in God’s kingdom

9. How often has a friend asked you… “What must I do to inherit eternal life?”

10. “What must I do to inherit eternal life?”(or a similar faith related concern) • Is this a question we ask? • Do we have a friend that would answer honestly? • Do we have a friend that would know why we were asking ?

11. Jesus, in a genuine, accurate appeal…… “You still lack one thing. Sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” Luke 18:18-23 (NIV)

12. In a superficial relationship we might reply.... “I wish I had that problem.” Average bloke, yesterday (Life)

13. Going slightly deeper we might say…… “It’s ok to have money, it’s just a matter of what you do with it, I reckon.” A friend, last week (Life)

14. Bear One Another's Burdens “Brothers, if anyone is caught in any transgression, you who are spiritual should restore him in a spirit of gentleness. Keep watch on yourself, lest you too be tempted. Bear one another's burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ. For if anyone thinks he is something, when he is nothing, he deceives himself. But let each one test his own work, and then his reason to boast will be in himself alone and not in his neighbour. For each will have to bear his own load” Galatians 5 v 6 to 10 (ESV)

15. Bear one another's burdens

16. Summary so far • It’s hard to bear (share) someone’s burden when they don’t know us too well • Our relationships don’t become meaningful until the masks come off • Jesus got straight to the issue because he understood what made the rich young ruler tick (money was his problem).

17. How can we develop meaningful relationships? • Build trust by sharing a little bit more of ourselves than usual. • Talk about our issues, concerns and fears. • Find friends who have similar issues or experience. • Join or start a peer group – hang out with the girls/guys, without distractions. • Example: Wild at Heart

18. Growing closer by sharing You Another

19. The spiritual connection God You Another