Funny Poems

1. Funny Poems Class 2A

2. My Dog is Not the Smartest Dog Click to Listen My dog is not the smartest dog alive.He seems to think that two and two is five.He's sure Japan's the capital of France.He says that submarines know how to dance.My dog declares that tigers grow on trees.He argues only antelopes eat cheese.He tells me that he's twenty nine feet tall,then adds that ants are good at basketball.He claims to own a mansion on the moon; a palace that he bought from a baboon.He swears the sun is made of candy bars,and says he's seen bananas play guitars.It seems to me my dog is pretty dense.He talks a lot, but doesn't make much sense.Although I love my dog with all my heart,I have to say, he isn't very smart. By Kenn Nesbitt Illustrated by: Anh 2A

3. My Pig Won't Let Me Watch TV Click to Listen My pig won't let me watch TV.It's totally unfair.He watches anything he wantsbut doesn't ever share.I never get to watch cartoonsor anything like that.He's busy watching farming shows.I should have got a cat.I should have got a goldfishor a guinea pig or goat.Instead, I've got this pigwho‘s always hogging the remote. By Kenn Nesbitt Illustrated by: Giap 2A

4. Digging for Diamonds Click to Listen I'm digging for diamonds.I'm digging for gold.I'm digging for silverthat's shiny and cold.I'm digging all day andI'm digging all night.I'm digging for rubiesall sparkling and bright.I plan to get famous.I plan to get richby digging up gemstonesin ditch after ditch.And yet, from these ditchesI've dug in the ground,there weren't any diamondsor coins to be found.I haven't got silveror rubies, you see...I just have my mom and dadyelling at me.For though I found nothingfrom digging till dawn By Kenn Nesbitt Illustrated by: Han 2A

5. Illustrated by: Hannah 2A My Parents Are Making Me Crazy Click to Listen My parents are making me crazy.They're driving me utterly mad.I'm mental because of my mother.I'm losing it thanks to my dad.My mom tells me, "Go do your homework,"and dad's yelling, "Vacuum the floors!"Then mom says, "Turn off the TV now,"and dad hollers, "Finish your chores!"With all of their grousing and griping,my brain is beginning to hurt.My dad's shouting, "Clean up the kitchen!"My mom's saying, "Tuck in your shirt!"I feel like I'm losing my marbles.If I go bananas today,then please give this note to my parentswhen the funny farm takes me away. By Kenn Nesbitt

6. A Fish in a Spaceship Click to Listen A fish in a spaceship is flying through school.A dinosaur's dancing on top of a stool.The library's loaded with orange baboons, in purple tuxedos with bows and balloons.The pigs on the playground are having a race while pencils parade in their linens and lace.As camels do cartwheels and elephants fly, bananas are baking a broccoli pie.A hundred gorillas are painting the walls, while robots on rockets careen through the halls.Tomatoes are teaching in all of the classes.Or maybe, just maybe, I need some new glasses. By Kenn Nesbitt Illustrated By: Huy 2A

7. My Mom's Spaghetti Click to Listen My mom makes disgusting spaghettiwith horseradish sauce and sardines.She tops it with pickles and mustard,bananas and barbecued beans.She serves it for supper on Sunday.On Monday we have it for lunch.It's breakfast on Tuesday and Wednesday.By Thursday, you guessed it, it's brunch.I don't like to hurt my mom's feelings.I said that I loved it. (I lied.)I always gave mine to our doggy.And that's why our poor doggy died.So next time you serve us spaghetti,dear mother, don't make it like that.Please serve it with red sauce and meatballs,and that way it won't kill the cat. --Kenn Nesbitt Illustrated by: Julie 2A

8. My Kitten Won't Stop Talking Click to Listen My kitten won't stop talking.She just prattles night and day.She walks around repeatingnearly everything I say.My kitten never says, "Meow."She never even purrs.She mimics me insteadin that annoying voice of hers.She waits for me to speak,and then she copies every word,or begs me for a cracker,or says, "I'm a pretty bird."I'm not sure what to do, and soI simply grin and bear it.She's been this way since yesterday;that's when she ate my parrot. By Kenn Nesbitt Illustrated by: Justin 2A

9. My Senses All are Backward Click to Listen My senses all are backwardand it really makes me wonderif on the day that I was bornsomebody made a blunder.For, strange but true, my sensesall got totally reversed.Now everything I like the bestis what you'd call the worst.I only like the smell of thingsthat frighten other noses.I love the odor of a skunk.I hate the smell of roses.I only like the taste of foodsthat cause most folks to shiver.I hate the taste of chocolate.I'm crazy over liver.I'm not too fond of musicbut there's simply no denyingI like the sound of honking hornsand little babies crying.I hate the feel of silky, velvetsoftness on my skin.I much prefer the way it feelswhen sitting on a pin.I hate the look of anythingthat's really cute and snuggly.The things I think are prettyare what most consider ugly.So let me tell you one more thingbefore I have to go:I think YOU are the most attractiveperson that I know. By Kenn Nesbitt Illustrated by: Kelly 2A

10. The Aliens Have Landed! Click to Listen The aliens have landed!It's distressing, but they're here.They piloted their flying saucerthrough our atmosphere.They landed like a meteorengulfed in smoke and flame.Then out they climbed immersed in slimeand burbled as they came.Their hands are greasy tentacles.Their heads are weird machines.Their bodies look like cauliflowerand smell like dead sardines.Their blood is liquid helium.Their eyes are made of granite.Their breath exudes the stench of foodsfrom some unearthly planet.And if you want to see thesesickly, unattractive creatures,you'll find them working in your school. By Kenn Nesbitt Illustrated by: Minh 2A

11. Taught My Cat to Clean My Room Click to Listen I taught my cat to clean my room,to use a bucket, brush and broom,to dust my clock and picture frames,and pick up all my toys and games.He puts my pants and shirts away,and makes my bed, and I would sayit seems to me it's only fairhe puts away my underwear.In fact, I think he's got it made.I'm not as happy with our trade.He may pick up my shoes and socks,but I clean out his litterbox. By KennNesbitt Illustrated by: Nghi

12. Think My Dad is Dracula Click to Listen I think my dad is Dracula.I know that sounds insane,but listen for a moment andallow me to explain.We don't live in a castle,and we never sleep in caves.But, still, there's something weirdabout the way my dad behaves.I never see him go outin the daytime when it's light.He sleeps all day till evening,then he leaves the house at night.He comes home in the morningsaying, "Man, I'm really dead!"He kisses us goodnight, and thenby sunrise he's in bed.My mom heard my suspicionand she said, "You're not too swift.Your father's not a vampire.He just works the graveyard shift.“ By Kenn Nesbitt Illustrated by: Simon 2A

13. My Puppy Punched Me In the Eye Click to Listen My puppy punched me in the eye.My rabbit whacked my ear.My ferret gave a frightful cryand roundhouse kicked my rear.My lizard flipped me upside down.My kitten kicked my head.My hamster slammed me to the ground and left me nearly dead.So my advice? Avoid regrets;no matter what you do,don't ever let your family petstake lessons in kung By Kenn Nesbitt Illustrated by: Taeko 2A

14. Don't Ever Bite Your Sister Click to Listen Don't ever bite your sister.Don't kick her in the shin.Don't slap your sister sillyand don't sock her on the chin.Don't tape a "Kick Me" posterupon your sister's back.Don't take your stinky socks offand then put them in her pack.Don't purchase plastic spidersand place them on her head.Don't leave your rubber rattlesnakeinside your sister's bed.Don't do this to your sisterfor, if you ever do,I'm pretty sure she may do somethingeven worse to you. By Kenn Nesbitt Illustrated By: Uyen 2A

15. My Robot's Misbehaving Click to Listen My robot's misbehaving.It won't do as I say.It will not dust the furnitureor put my toys away.My robot never helps mewith homework or my chores.It doesn't do my laundryand neglects to clean my floors.It claims it can't cook dinner.It never makes my bed.No matter what I ask of it,it simply shakes its head.My robot must be broken.I'll need to get another.Until that day, I have to say,I'm glad I have my mother. By Kenn Nesbitt Illustrated by: Vinh 2A