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FORGIVENESS

FORGIVENESS. FORGIVENESS MEANS: TRYING TO REESTABLISH RELATEDNESS AFTER HARM NOT ACCEPTING/CONDONING OR EXCUSING THE HARMFUL ACT, BUT TRYING TO REDUCE THE EFFECTS OF THE ACT ON THE RELATIONSHIP. A DESIRE TO AVOID REVENGE/RETALIATION & INITIATE CONSTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR

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FORGIVENESS

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  1. FORGIVENESS • FORGIVENESS MEANS: • TRYING TO REESTABLISH RELATEDNESS AFTER HARM • NOT ACCEPTING/CONDONING OR EXCUSING THE HARMFUL ACT, BUT TRYING TO REDUCE THE EFFECTS OF THE ACT ON THE RELATIONSHIP

  2. A DESIRE TO AVOID REVENGE/RETALIATION & INITIATE CONSTRUCTIVE BEHAVIOR • YOU ARE INITIATING A PROCESS, NOT A SINGLE ACT • YOU ARE ACTING INTENTIONALLY & UNCONDITIONALLY

  3. WHY FORGIVE? • NOT FORGIVING IS HURTING YOU • YOU LOVE THE OTHER PERSON • YOUR PARTNER HAS TAKEN RESPONSIBILITY FOR HIS/HER ACTIONS & SHOWN REMORSE • YOUWANT TO PRESERVE THE RELATIONSHIP

  4. YOU EMPATHIZE WITH OR UNDERSTAND THE TRANSGRESSION • YOU SEE POTENTIALLY POSITIVE OUTCOMES OF THE TRANSGRESSION • REVENGE/RETALIATION IS NOT VIEWED AS A DESIRABLE ALTERNATIVE

  5. WAYS OF FORGIVING • DIRECT • INDIRECT • CONDITIONAL (PSEUDO-FORGIVENESS)

  6. INHIBITORS TO FORGIVENESS • INJURIES WHICH DAMAGE SELF IMAGE & THE RELATIONSHIP • INJURIES WITH A HISTORY • INJURIES WHICH ARE SYMBOLICALLY LINKED TO A BROAD RANGE OF EVERYDAY BEHAVIORS

  7. INJURIES DONE BY LESS POWERFUL TO THE MORE POWERFUL • OFFENDER SHOWS NO DESIRE TO WORK FOR THE RELATIONSHIP • OFFENDER ISN’T WILLING TO TALK ABOUT THE OFFENSE • VICTIM ENGAGES IN LENGTHY RUMINATION ABOUT TRANSGRESSION

  8. OFFENDER ENGAGES IN ANOTHER HARMFUL ACT • OFFENDER MINIMIZES ACT AND SAYS PARTNER SHOULD BE “OVER IT”

  9. COMFORTING • WHEN DO I COMFORT MY PARTNER? • WHEN YOUR PARTNER IS HURTING • WHERE DO I COMFORT MY PARTNER? • WHERE YOUR PARTNER CAN RECEIVE YOUR COMPLETE ATTENTION

  10. HOW DO I COMFORT MY PARTNER? • FOCUS ON YOUR PARTNER’S FEELINGS • TALK ABOUT THE VALUE OF YOUR PARTNER • SHOW HOW YOUR PARTNER’S PROBLEM IS YOUR PROBLEM • BE SINCERE

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