Writing Style & Presentations March 26, 2010

1. Sabin Environmental Prize Writing Style & Presentations March 26, 2010

2. Reminder Final application due: • Wednesday, March 31 -- 5 PM Finalist Presentations: • Wednesday, April 28

3. Work to Date Developed an idea that: • Addresses a big, exciting opportunity • In a new, unique, innovative way • That is feasible and believable • With great people on your team

4. Now, the Application • Good writing -- as important as substance ! Reading Ease -- Matters ! Reading Ease Matters !

5. Do you want to read this?

6. How About This?

7. Consider your Audience: The Judges have Day Jobs! They will be getting 20-30 applications They have to read them all! They want them to be: • Concise • Easy to read • Easy to understand

8. Consider your Audience: The Judges have Day Jobs! They do not want: • Dense paragraphs • Long sentences • Lots of technical jargon • And tons of footnotes

9. Terrible -- Awful -- Horrible Lawyers are the best -- at bad writing Now WHEREFORE the party of the first part does desire and covet to establish a co-environmental arrangement with the party of the second part, provided that Section 14(b) (iii) as above first stated applies in full or in part and, if in part, that the party of the first part has approved a new instrument in writing to such effect, and the party of the second part does represent and hereby warrants that such party will not be a party to any third party agreement to the contrary, unless such agreement is attached hereto, signed by all the parties, and that this lawyer shall be invited to any such party. .

10. But students are in the running! The California Environmental Quality Act requires environmental review even at local agency levels “on any project that they intend to carry out or approve which may have a significant effect on the environment.” (CEQA, § 21151) Environmental Assessments or Impact Statements are critical in endangered species enforcement for two reasons: first, as in the National Environmental Policy Act, review requires that developers consider mitigation measures before taking action; and second, environmental reviews are subject to public comment and thus allow for broad knowledge of development activities, thereby easing the burden of enforcement for regulators. .

11. Most Student Writing Switch to Business Writing! Too academic • Long-winded – to use up space • Long words – to impress professors • Too technical – to daze and confuse?

12. Good Writing -- Keep It Simple • Short words • Short sentences • Short paragraphs Would your Grandmother Understand?

13. Verbs in Passive Voice • Academic writing disease “ The prize will be utilized by us to... ” “ We will use the prize to…” Avoid Passive Verbs

14. Use Grammar Tool in Word Aim for: Reading Ease = 40 or more Grade Level = 10 or less Passive Voice = 0%

15. Readability in Office 2007 • Click the Microsoft Office Button, and then click Word Options. • Click Proofing. • Make sure Check grammar with spelling is selected. • Under When correcting grammar in Word, select the Show readability statistics check box.

16. Page Layout -- Headings Heading Management Jerry Willis is President and CEO. He has over 15 years experience in biotechnology. Jerry never sleeps. He worries constantly.

17. Style, Fonts and Format No one can read micro fonts and if you use them, no one will read your Application • Use same layout style, margins throughout • Use same font -- Times Roman or Arial • Use big font size -- Arial 12 or Times 13, etc. Use Big Fonts

18. Break Up Dense Text Use bullet point lists • Affordable • Safe • Reliable • Pretty! Use Charts

19. Keep Tables Simple & Clear

20. Other Things to Avoid Unsubstantiated Hype “ Paradigm Shift Inc will revolutionize the industry with its game changing strategies. ” • Why should anyone believe you? • What does this even mean? Huh?

21. Avoid “empty” words Leverage (unless you’re talking debt) • ”we will leverage our skills…” Sustainable (unless you say how) • “Our products are all sustainable…” Partner (unless you have an agreement) • “we will partner with GE...”

22. Also, Avoid Lots of Foot Notes Do this: Don’t do this: More than 50% of women would pay more for comfortable high heeled shoes.1 [1] Euromonitor report on Footwear in the USA. June 2008. According to a 2008 study by Euromonitor, more than 50% of women would pay more for comfortable high heeled shoes.

23. More Things to Avoid Imbedding Links into the Text According to a report http://www.nytimes.com/2009/02/01/us/politics/01assess.html , the new stimulus plan will not work.

24. And…. Using Acronyms & Jargon GQ CHP sector’s new entrants achieve favorable treatment for offsets under UK’s NAP. GQ CHP is also exempted from CCL under the Kyoto CDM & JI policies.

25. Be Professional • Don’t say “ we ” or “ our ” Say “ XY Inc ” or “ the Company ”

26. Other Things • Start a new page -- with new paragraph • Starting a page -- with end of a sentence: Is a widow • Round numbers - 2%, not 1.98%

27. Remember: Use the Reading Ease Tool! • Short paragraphs • Simple language • Bulleted lists • No passive voice • Numbers ! Data ! Sources! Details!

28. Presentations

29. Application Qs • Idea (what is it – why is it appealing) • What is original (unique advantage) • What have you done so far (stage) • Next steps – what do you need to do? • What is the environmental benefit? • Who is on your team? • How much $ do you need? Use of prize?

30. Suggested Approach • Introduce yourself, briefly • Open with short “what we do” • Next, the marketopportunity • And customer need • More detail about what you do

31. Suggested Approach • How you are unique • Explain Environmental Benefits • What you’ve done, • And plan to do next • Who is on your team – how they fit in • $ needs and uses