Understanding and Strengthening Motherhood

1. Understanding and Strengthening Motherhood Lili Anderson, MSW, PhD Christian B. Anderson, MSW Family Outreach Conference 6 February 2004

2. How does the loss of values happen? Vice is a creature of such frightful mien That to be hated needs but to be seen. But seen too oft, familiar with her face, We first endure, then pity, then embrace. Alexander Pope

3. Consider - “Free Love” first - rejected by middle classes then - crept into media gradually - seen as personal choice now - U.N. issues statement that child sexuality be uninhibited by adults

4. A Family Problem: The Loss of Value for Mother Work Children are a liability Home is consumptive not productive Loss of household partnership Industrialization creates “Experts” who can do mother work better - scientifically Industrialization creates a loss of inter-generational exchange, tutoring, wisdom Feminist influence decreased “mother preparation”

5. Outcomes • Low status (negative recognition) drives women out of the home • Divorce • Economic Vulnerability • “Super Mom” -Increased stress/expectations (have it all, do it all, be it all - for kids and mothers)

6. Cont’d. • Mothers depressed • Sometimes violent • Unprepared mothers are overwhelmed • Easier success outside the home

7. We and our children are not unaffected- • Later marriage • Fewer children • Domestic Violence • Many more women working outside the home • Divorce • Fastest growing demographic group in the Church

8. Philosophically - • Should men have to support a family? • Why should I expect a man to open my door? • Aren’t dads and moms interchangeable? • Preschool is essential. • Being at home full-time isn’t enough for many women.

9. The World’s Answer • Individuals are defined by “economic value” • So - women should follow the “male competitive model”

10. Costs: Childlessness (fertility issues) “Having it All means Doing it All” “The Most Important Story Never Told” Two-Income Trap Lack of value for Mother Work brings economic vulnerability in divorce and/or old age

11. The World’s Response to Costs: • Government subsidies to motherhood • Private Sector pro-family policies (parental leave, shorter work weeks, flex time, etc.) • Better and less expensive day-care However - Costs are enormous and these policies result in growing hostility between parents and non-parents

12. The Real Answers • Understand the Plan • Recognize Equal Value of Men and Women and of Men’s and Women’s Contributions • Recognize and Value Gender Differences

13. Some Qualities of Men • Linear Thinking • Drive to compete • Drive to conquer • Willingness to fight

14. Some Qualities of Women • Multi-tasking • Inter-relational awareness • “Connectedness” with children • Civilizing influence on men and society

15. A Testimony of Motherhood A call to work with the particular spirits that come into our families Seeing motherhood as God does (not just housekeeping and daycare, but teaching, transferring values, etc.) Understanding the potential for joy in fulfilling the role of motherhood Rooting out the philosophies of the world

16. The Practical Knowledge and Skills of MotherhoodDeveloping “virtuous women” qualities • Parenting, including teaching at many levels • Household Tasks • Domestic Arts • Proverbs 31

17. Righteous Priesthood Support in Healthy Marriage The Patriarchal Order, cont’d. • Get Revelation for the Family • We “live beneath our privilege” • We’re becoming a “mediocre people” (Joseph Fielding Smith) • “. . . If you would be righteous like your Heavenly Father, His righteousness comes by revelation, through your faith. Be content with nothing short of the revealed will of your Heavenly Father . . . “ (BY, HK, WR Oct. 13, 1853) • “The principles of learning by revelation are faith, humility, seeking by prayer, obedience to the Lord’s commandments, repentance, good works, and scripture study.” (Elder Dallin H. Oaks, The Lord’s Way)

18. Righteous Priesthood Support in Healthy Marriage The Patriarchal Order, cont’d. Precepts Outlined in The Family: A Proclamation To The World • Physical and Economic Protection and Support • Recognition and support of the division of labor • Providing Recognition • Section 121: No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood only by persuasion . . . (emphasis added)

19. Righteous Priesthood Support in Healthy MarriageThe Patriarchal Order, cont’d. • The Need for Righteous Judgment • “Judge not unrighteously. . .” JST Matthew 7:1 • “. . . It is given unto you to judge, that ye may know good from evil; . . .” Moroni 7:15

20. We warn that individuals who violate covenants of chastity, who abuse spouse or offspring, or who fail to fulfill family responsibilities will one day stand accountable before God.

21. Further, we warn that the disintegration of the family will bring upon individuals, communities, and nations the calamities foretold by ancient and modern prophets.

22. We call upon responsible citizens and officers of government everywhere to promote those measures designed to maintain and strengthen the family as the fundamental unit of society.